Pictures

agibby · September 2013

Do you let your DK or SK have pictures of the other parent/family in his room? We let SS have a picture of BM in his room. It's his mom after all. We know that the last picture we sent with SS ended up in the trash (SS told DH that BM threw it away). He wanted 2 more pictures, of his siblings and DH and I. I printed one of SS and his siblings and one of SS and DH. I figured she would throw away any photo of me.

SS came back to our house after the week with BM. He said he showed her the framed pictures and asked her not to throw them away this time. She told him she wouldn't throw them away but would let him have them for a little while and then take them away.

DH wants to write her a message saying if he is understanding SS right, why would she not let him keep the pictures in his room? And if she's going to throw them, we would rather just have them back where he can enjoy the

+just+j+ · September 2013

Yes. DD has a small picture of her dad by her bedside. She likes having it there and as you say, It's her father afterall.

I have also saved my wedding dress and all the pictures, wedding cards, and notes from her father to me, and some from me to him for her to read. I want her to know that we once loved each other and she came from that love.

I really dislike my XH, but out of our marriage, I have DD and I never would have had her if it weren't for XH.

+just+j+ · September 2013

As far as your DH asking his ex...that's her business and her home to decide. Leave it be. Sorry. Kinda crappy of her to not rise above her issues with her ex, and your husband, but it is her home. Maybe as your kids get older, it will be easier for them to have more of a say in that.

hopanka · September 2013

I would leave it be. You have no control over it, plus - you will only let her know that it really bothers you and she may get a kick out of that. Don't give her that pleasure.

CurlyQ284 · September 2013

We had pictures in their room but we've moved since then and I'm not sure where they went. We would never object to that in the least. I'm not sure if there are pictures of DH at their mom's house. Probably not. The girls aren't really like that, they are preteens so of course their friends are the center of their universe so those are the pictures we see.

IfMamaAintHappy · September 2013

In Texas it is part of most standard orders that a photo of the other parent be placed in the child's bedroom.

twister22 · September 2013

I would be surprised if DS(almost 5) has any pictures of me at BD's, as that would have meant BD printed it out for him, and DS doesn't have any at our house. He's never asked/brought any home. It would be weird for me to look at, but I wouldn't tell DS he couldn't have it. It's not about me, it's about DS.

However, I wouldn't say anything to BM. I thinkk what @hopanka said was spot on.

hopanka said:

I would leave it be. You have no control over it, plus - you will only let her know that it really bothers you and she may get a kick out of that. Don't give her that pleasure.

Lavender P · September 2013

When i first started daring DH, BM sent a picture of herself for SS to put in his room. She told me it was so he wouldn't forget who his mom is. We never said anything to him about it and he kept it for a while on a shelf. That was years ago and I have no idea what happened to it. Neither DH or I took it so SS may have taken it home. I am 100% certain that BM would rather be dead in a ditch then allow SS to have a picture of DH at her house. I think it is up to the child to decide what they want.

twister22 · September 2013

Lavender P said:

When i first started daring DH, BM sent a picture of herself for SS to put in his room. She told me it was so he wouldn't forget who his mom is. We never said anything to him about it and he kept it for a while on a shelf. That was years ago and I have no idea what happened to it. Neither DH or I took it so SS may have taken it home. I am 100% certain that BM would rather be dead in a ditch then allow SS to have a picture of DH at her house. I think it is up to the child to decide what they want.

WTF. What a passive aggressive bitch.

Ginlyn0 · September 2013

IfMamaAintHappy said:

In Texas it is part of most standard orders that a photo of the other parent be placed in the child's bedroom.

It's not in either of ours. Maybe that's a new thing...

They are allowed to keep whatever they want in their rooms at our house. DD has a photo album she keeps pics of her dad, SM and sister in. SKs have never brought any pics of BM over. There is no way BD would ever let her have a photo of me in his house, but DD has an ipod so she does have access to pics.

Lavender P · September 2013

twister22 said:

Lavender P said:

When i first started daring DH, BM sent a picture of herself for SS to put in his room. She told me it was so he wouldn't forget who his mom is. We never said anything to him about it and he kept it for a while on a shelf. That was years ago and I have no idea what happened to it. Neither DH or I took it so SS may have taken it home. I am 100% certain that BM would rather be dead in a ditch then allow SS to have a picture of DH at her house. I think it is up to the child to decide what they want.

WTF. What a passive aggressive bitch.

That's BM in a nutshell.

agibby · September 2013

Lavender P said:

When i first started daring DH, BM sent a picture of herself for SS to put in his room. She told me it was so he wouldn't forget who his mom is. We never said anything to him about it and he kept it for a while on a shelf. That was years ago and I have no idea what happened to it. Neither DH or I took it so SS may have taken it home. I am 100% certain that BM would rather be dead in a ditch then allow SS to have a picture of DH at her house. I think it is up to the child to decide what they want.

We've actually heard BM say that to SS over the phone before. I don't remember what it was in reference too but it made me want to puke, especially saying something like that to a small child (he may have been 4).

agibby · September 2013

Thanks ladies. Good thing we only bought cheapy $2 frames for them! We would rather have the pictures back but hopanka is right, she'll get a kick out of the fact that DH is bothered by it. Too bad for SS though as he still talks about BM throwing his other picture away. We know that one day he'll be grown up enough to really talk to her about things like this. At least we tried for him again

fellesferie · September 2013

DS has walmart/shutterfly picture books made by xMIL in his room. They're full of pictures of XH, his gf, xILs, etc. DS pulls them out and looks through them with some frequency.

I'd not object if DS wanted a framed picture of XH in his room. If I'm being honest, though, it would be a bit odd for me since he doesn't have framed pictures of anyone else in his room. His room is full of kid stuff (big Yoda decal, Phineas & Ferb stuff, etc). So... I wouldn't say no, but I wouldn't be thrilled about it either.

Also, re: throwing away things

I will admit that we pitch/Goodwill a lot of things DS brings home from XH/xILs. They buy him a lot of age inappropriate stuff. They also buy him toys that make horrible irritating noises--like once he came home with this stuffed dog that made LOUD farting noises. After a year of being irritated by it, I put it in the trash. Pictures are obviously different, but who knows.

CFjo2010 · September 2013

K has a framed photo of her and BM in her room that she shares with DD. And DD has photos of her and DC and other family members in there as well. All the kids have photo albums in their rooms that they look at pretty frequently. I have told all the kids (DS, DD and K) that they are allowed to have photos of whomever they want in their rooms, so long as they are taken care of properly. If I find pictures on the floor or thrown loosely on dressers I take them away (but never throw them away). K is not allowed to have any photos at all at BM's, and she has expressed repeatedly how upset this makes her. Granted, K shares a room with BM so I guess it kinda makes sense. But K isn't even allowed to have her own photo album at BM's, she made one and it got thrown away. Even now when we have PJ's photos done, K isn't allowed to take them over to BM's. She had put one on her binder and it went missing. It sucks to see K so hurt, but we can't stop BM from being an immature bitch.

So just encourage openness in your home, that's really all you can do. It's hard, but having DH call or email BM about it is just going to start a fight with her which she clearly wants.

bebe11 · September 2013

My SS has a picture of him and his BM at her 2nd wedding (she is no longer married), the photo is pretty old. He has a little album with some older pictures in it. One was a picture of my DH and BM together and my H actually took it out. I could careless.

My DD has never brought home or asked to put pictures of her dad in our house. She had one of her baby brother though. I seriously doubt her dad or the gf would let her have a picture of me in their home.

Banana44 · September 2013

My SS has a picture of DH and BM from when they were quite young. I found it in an old box and gave it to SS to remind him that his parents loved each other and they were once happy.

SS has no memories of his parents together and his parents don't speak (they were even fired by a co-parent counselor) so sometimes I think he needs to remember he comes from love. The picture is not framed - but he keeps it under his pillow.

I am positive that he is not allowed to have pictures of DH or his sister's at BM's house.

twister22 · September 2013

fellesferie said:

DS has walmart/shutterfly picture books made by xMIL in his room. They're full of pictures of XH, his gf, xILs, etc. DS pulls them out and looks through them with some frequency.

I'd not object if DS wanted a framed picture of XH in his room. If I'm being honest, though, it would be a bit odd for me since he doesn't have framed pictures of anyone else in his room. His room is full of kid stuff (big Yoda decal, Phineas & Ferb stuff, etc). So... I wouldn't say no, but I wouldn't be thrilled about it either.

Also, re: throwing away things

I will admit that we pitch/Goodwill a lot of things DS brings home from XH/xILs. They buy him a lot of age inappropriate stuff. They also buy him toys that make horrible irritating noises--like once he came home with this stuffed dog that made LOUD farting noises. After a year of being irritated by it, I put it in the trash. Pictures are obviously different, but who knows.

If I'm being honest, this is what I would prefer.

twister22 · September 2013

jobalchak said:

K has a framed photo of her and BM in her room that she shares with DD. And DD has photos of her and DC and other family members in there as well. All the kids have photo albums in their rooms that they look at pretty frequently. I have told all the kids (DS, DD and K) that they are allowed to have photos of whomever they want in their rooms, so long as they are taken care of properly. If I find pictures on the floor or thrown loosely on dressers I take them away (but never throw them away). K is not allowed to have any photos at all at BM's, and she has expressed repeatedly how upset this makes her. Granted, K shares a room with BM so I guess it kinda makes sense. But K isn't even allowed to have her own photo album at BM's, she made one and it got thrown away. Even now when we have PJ's photos done, K isn't allowed to take them over to BM's. She had put one on her binder and it went missing. It sucks to see K so hurt, but we can't stop BM from being an immature bitch.

So just encourage openness in your home, that's really all you can do. It's hard, but having DH call or email BM about it is just going to start a fight with her which she clearly wants.

Why is BM such a ridiculous bitch? Why?

SimpleJane · September 2013

I wouldn't want to look at XHs face every time I tucked my kids in at night, let alone a picture of his whole other family if XH was married. I wouldn't throw it away but I wouldn't be thrilled.

CurlieWhirlie · September 2013

BD and I both have pictures of the two of us and DS in our houses. DS is 4 so I'm sure he doesn't care yet at this point, but we both really want him to feel like we are all still family. Then again, we are friendly, so that's a huge factor in feeling fine with having BD's picture up in my living room (not just a picture of him, obvi, but a picture of him and DS).

SO doesn't have any pictures of BM around the house, though that's just because he's lazy about getting pictures printed, not because he objects to the idea. However, any pictures of her would go in his boys' room, not in the living room. They are not on great terms. I have no idea what her photo policy is, she may or may not still have family photos up in their house that include SO.

Mkherren12 · September 2013

Dd has pictures of her with her brother in her room. Pictures that her grandparents had made and sent home. Her dad and sm don't really seem to care or think about it. Also she is not at her dad's enough to need a picture of us over there.

On a similar note I know that xh and sm have had pictures made without dd and I found that offensive. She wasn't in a single one and I felt like she didn't want to include her. Like they don't even want her around. My thought is I don't want family pictures unless all the family is in them. Luckily xh's parents feel the same way and they said they didn't want any of them. It's sad when his parents stick up for dd more than he does.

SueBear · September 2013

DH mother passed away when he was 12. FIL was still married to BM, but dating SM while BM was in the hospital (she was there for years).

SM cut up all of the photos of FIL and DH's mom. Every one. DH and his sister had to go to other family members to get photos from his parent's wedding, when DH was a baby, etc.

Want a personalized experience?

Pictures

Re: Pictures

Choose Another Board

Search Boards