A WWYD

BPer · September 2013

I'll give a little background, but I'll try and keep it brief so that you don't regret reading this. I feel like my best friend is in trouble (not in the legal sense, but more mental/emotional), and I'm trying to decide whether I should talk to her parents and have them intervene.

This girl has been my best friend since high school. She's struggled with mental illness (anxiety/depression) and has had a few really rough patches, including a failed suicide attempt in high school. She's really all over the place, so I never know when to start 'worrying'. She's super eccentric, and becomes infatuated with men/women, anyone to the extent that she relies on them completely for happiness/fulfillment. Since college, she has spent a summer touring Europe, and then returned a few months later to hang out in Berlin, and eventually Prague, all in the name of 'finding herself'. So last summer, she announced that she would be moving to Prague for two years...because she wanted to be bilingual. Odd, but whatever, that's just the kind of random shit she does. She's been pretty horrible about staying in touch, and half the time, the only evidence that she's still alive is an occasional instagram photo, or her liking a photo on my Facebook.

Well, in the recent photos she had posted, she was not looking good. Super super skinny (she's always been of average-build), and her face just looks sunken in and tired. So I found out a shared friend of ours was headed to Prague for a week to visit her brother, I told her to try and meet up with our friend and see how she was doing. I get a series of texts today saying things like "She's emaciated", "She's homeless and just crashing with anyone who has a couch", "She looks sickly, and exhausted, and like she's on drugs", and that "She legitimately seems like she's gone crazy." And she knows our friend's "normal" behavior, which a lot of people would think is a little crazy, so this is above and beyond. Her mom had also said that seeing her "broke her heart" and that she really needed help.

And apparently, she hasn't talked to her parents in months, which is especially odd because her family was one where her parents were literally her best friends. I'm genuinely worried about her, and at this point, I don't think she would tell me just how bad things are for her, mainly because she knows that I thought that her buying a plane ticket to Prague, with a return date two years later, with no plan whatsoever wasn't a great choice.

Her parents are like second parents to me, I spent a lot of time there in high school, and even lived with them briefly, so if I were to go to them, I'm sure they'd use their resources and do everything in their power to get her home. But should I? I feel like she's drowning over there, and too proud to admit that she made a mistake. She had a pretty luxurious life here, and now she's homeless in a foreign country?

Tell me your thoughts. Our friend that saw her thinks I need to talk to her parents, and I trust what she says. H says I should go to her parents too, but it feels like tattling. I'm really torn here. What would you do? Sorry...this got long.

MeatballEsq · September 2013

I have a friend with a similar personality so I can relate to that. You're in a terrible place. I'm so sorry.

I would talk to them. You obviously care about her, enough that you know deep down you should talk to her parents, even though it could potentially end your friendship. At least temporarily. If she's homeless or doing drugs, you really don't have a choice

Good luck hun.

rarazz · September 2013

Everything that Toni said. I'm sorry you have to be in this tough spot but think how you are going to feel if something even more terrible happened to her. I would talk to her parents and put it on their plate now.

Flamingemu · September 2013

I am sorry. That is a tough position. I would talk to her parents too. It sounds like she needs to come home and then get to counseling/drug treatment program. Good luck.

Nita2603 · September 2013

I have been in a situation like that and I went to my friend's parents.

I am glad I did. His mom thinks it may have safed his life. While I don't know about THAT, I know it helped him get his shit together over the last few years.

Go to her parents. Really. You'd never forgive yourself if you don't and it ends badly.

watercolor5 · September 2013

I'd probably go ahead and talk to her folks too. Your hands are kind of tied as far as how much you can help her from home, so if forcing her back in touch with her family is an option, it probably has the most chance of actually helping her. I'm so sorry you (and she for that matter) are going through this.

Unknown · September 2013

This content has been removed.

AlinnJo · September 2013

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would talk to her parents. You are talking to them because you are genuinely concerned for her well being. Even if your friend gets mad, I'd rather have an upset friend for a little while than one that gets hurt or even worse. Sending some positive vibes your way!!

MrsKipper · September 2013

I agree with everyone! If you're that close with her parents then I would certainly go talk to them! Friends are for good times and being there when it's tough, even if she may not want you to be there!

hmp1 · September 2013

I would go to her parents. Plus, wouldn't she assume it was the friend she just met up with that called her parents. Depending on how her parents decide to handle the situation, you might not be mentioned. I hope your friend is able to get the help she needs.

KTC926 · September 2013

Everything Toni said. I'm sorry what a tough situation.

LuvSD · September 2013

I would definitely go to her parents. Your friend may get mad at you but I think it is worth it if it means that she gets the help she needs. My cousin is a recovering alcoholic but when he was using several of us went to his mom and dad to share our concerns. It eventually got them to intervene and my cousin is now healthy, happy, sober, and thankful to all of his friends and family that showed their concern and support.

Good luck and I hope your friend gets the help she needs.

cmarie520 · September 2013

I agree with everyone else, I think you should talk to her parents. I'm sorry you're in such a hard position.

L8kissie · September 2013

I'd talk to them about my concerns. I'm sorry she is having so much difficulty.

LegallyBlonde217 · September 2013

Another vote for talking to her parents. You could be saving her life. Sorry you're in such a sucky position.

BPer · September 2013

Thanks for all the responses ladies. I have such a knot in my stomach over this. I'll be getting in touch with her mom today.

jocymama · September 2013

I think everyone has it covered by now. Sorry you are in this position and good luck talking to her parents. I hope they can bring her back to her senses.

MarisaKathleen · September 2013

@BPer, look at it from a parents point of view. If that were Hannah, wouldn't you want to know? :-)

It sucks, but yes, you need to talk to her parents.

cmarie520 · September 2013

BPer said:

Thanks for all the responses ladies. I have such a knot in my stomach over this. I'll be getting in touch with her mom today.

Good luck. Her parent's need to know she is not doing well. You are a good friend for telling them.

BarefootContessa · September 2013

I'd tell her parents, too. Good luck!

jenndub · September 2013

MarisaKathleen said:

@BPer, look at it from a parents point of view. If that were Hannah, wouldn't you want to know? :-)
It sucks, but yes, you need to talk to her parents.

This exactly. If it were one of my kids, I would want someone to tell me.

And there was a time in my own life that I could have really used some help, but I was way too proud to ask. If someone else would have told my parents, I would have been so relieved.

melody921 · September 2013

tonir319 said:

I have a friend with a similar personality so I can relate to that. You're in a terrible place. I'm so sorry. I would talk to them. You obviously care about her, enough that you know deep down you should talk to her parents, even though it could potentially end your friendship. At least temporarily. If she's homeless or doing drugs, you really don't have a choice Good luck hun.

This. What do you have to lose by talking to her parents? It sounds like she needs help. She may get mad, but you don't really hear from her now anyway. At least if you tell someone else about her situation, you won't have to feel like you could have done something and didn't. Sorry you're going through this.

BPer · September 2013

I sent her mom a message, they've moved out of the area and her number had changed so I had to do it via Facebook. I presented it like I didn't know that they hadn't been in touch, and that I was more looking for her to ease my mind about the situation. So this was my message...

Hi Bonnie! So this may seem kind of out of the blue, because we haven't seen each other in awhile (I hope Virginia is awesome, by the way!) but I was wondering if you had heard from Kahlia lately. She hasn't been the best about keeping in touch, and her last message to me was a little cryptic. She told me that she really needed a best friend, and I haven't been able to connect with her since. So I had asked our friend Samantha to try and meet up with her while she was in Prague last week with her mom. She got in touch with me yesterday and said that based on what she saw, she's really worried about Kahlia, that she's lost so much weight she looks emaciated, that she's essentially homeless, bouncing around from place to place, and that she didn't seem to be 'all there' mentally/emotionally. So, I'm pretty concerned. Have you spoken to her? Am I just worrying over nothing? I'm not really sure. Feel free to call me, I would have called if I had your number...but I'm at xxx-xxx-xxx

Want a personalized experience?

A WWYD

Re: A WWYD

Choose Another Board

Search Boards