Special Needs
lite-bright
member
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
s/o: The NT sib
lite-bright
member
For those of us who do have kids who are NT, how do you make sure they're getting what they need as well as your child with SN?
We have DD2 in a private preschool program, different from the one we had DD1 in. I WAH and needed more than 2.5 hours a day that the half-day program at DD1's school provides, and the full-day program was is very popular (and inexpensive) and full. I like the program that she's in well enough (it's got a lot of bells & whistles like swimming lessons and field trips; she got a ride in a tethered hot air balloon last week), but it's admittedly more daycare than preschool and I don't think she's being challenged academically at all in the ways that DD1 was in her program (which we loved).
But I turned down a full-day spot for her today at DD1's preschool (one came up, our old SLP had mentioned that we might be interested and they called & offered it to us) because their hours are 8-5 instead of 8-6 like the current preschool, and with DD1's music class (a small group, three year program including piano, that I think is going to have a lot of benefits for her), that's one day a week that I would be unable to do pick-up and DH would have to. DH's schedule is insane and unpredictable and involves a good deal of travel, and from repeated past experience we cannot consistently plan anything in the evenings that requires him to be home at a particular time -- we have no family nearby, and very little safety net (pretty much zilch) in terms of anyone who can pick up kids or sit on short notice. We might be fine for a month, or six weeks, but every.single.time there comes a point where he needs to work or travel. I *have* to plan things so that I do not require his help, otherwise I can't do it all by myself when he's out of town or working until 2 a.m. If it's my exercise class or going to a school district thing, I can (and do) cancel so he can work -- this is a child pick-up, it is non-negotiable and I'm the one who would end up scrambling and more stressed than I already am.
DH is disappointed. I am, too, but I feel stuck. I think he recognizes the logistics issues, but he made the point that even when DD1 is doing well, we're always thinking about what more we can do for her -- but when DD2 is doing well, we're willing to let it be. Ouch. He's got a point. I feel like that's partially what's happening -- but also partially that she's a second child and a 3-YO who only has one activity (soccer on Saturdays) and no therapies, so her schedule is more flexible; and that this is one of the inevitable limitations of living far from family.
I would love to have DD2 at DD1's preschool. I'm going to look into it in January for fall, but there may not be any spots; and the schedule still may not work. I have no idea at this point. But now on top of the SN-parent-guilt I've got guilt about making sure my other child gets the right mix of what's best for her AND best for our family. GAH.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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Re: s/o: The NT sib
It is really hard not having family around to help. My parents are 700 miles away, and DH's parents are 300 miles away. DD1 has severe peanut/tree nut allergies, so I don't feel comfortable leaving her with a teenager or even most of my mom friends. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that I have to consider whether the person I'm leaving her with can administer an epi-pen injection if necessary. The one time I had to do it, it took two people to hold her still enough. I did find a nearby Kindercare that's nut-free and can accommodate drop ins, so that's my emergency back-up.
I SAH, so I'm not juggling as much as you are, but I tend to err on the side of fewer activities. I don't like to feel like I'm running around all the time, so DD1 has therapy and swimming lessons, and DD2 just has half-day preschool for the moment. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, DD1 and DD2 are on opposite schedules, so they don't see each other until 4:00 or so. I have to say, I'm really enjoying having so much one-on-one time with each of them. I'm also enjoying the simplicity of a non-sassy, easy-going two-year-old
If both of your girls are happy and thriving right now, try to focus on that instead of what you're not doing. You don't have to be perfect. The balance doesn't have to be perfect--things will change a lot in the next couple of years as DD2 gets closer to school-age.