Feeling overwhelmed (PKaren)

pkaren · September 2013

Hi ladies, I think I just need to vent a little, so thanks in advance if you read this! B was 4 weeks old yesterday and I think she must be going through either a physical or developmental growth spurt. She's being extra needy and fussy. She's overall a pretty chill baby, so the last few days have been tough. I'm also by myself most of the time other than when friends or my MIL come over; DH is away on course until after thanksgiving. (Canadian thanksgiving, so late Oct). B has never slept longer than a 3 hour stretch and that's only been a few times. It's usually two to one hour stretches, and she's wanting to eat sometimes every hour so I haven't slept longer than two hours at a time for the last month. I'm EBF and I haven't started pumping yet bc she's so demanding on my boobs, wanting to eat every hour.

Also during the day, she seems to fight sleep. I know newborns should only be awake for an hour tops, but she'll stay awake for hours. She's yawning and obviously tired, but just won't go to sleep. I walk around with her, rock her, put her in her swing. She'll fall asleep while nursing, but then wakes up if I put her down. And she's obviously only comfort sucking. She hates her paci, only wants my nipples (which are pretty sore at this point). Also, she'll sleep for awhile in her bassinet on my room, but at some point in the night she'll refuse and keep crying until I put her in bed with me. I feel like I'm setting her up with so many bad habits and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm reading CHERISH the first six weeks by helen moon trying to get some sort of routine, but it's impossible. B wants to be on my boob every hour, how do I say no and stretch it to 3 like the book says? I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

I absolutely love her and she makes me smile even when I want to cry. I wouldn't trade her for the world, but I would give my left arm for even 4 hours of sleep!

Anyways, thanks for reading. Any words of wisdom or insight or hopes that it will get better would be appreciated. Any books or resources that you recommend? Anything that worked for you routine wise? Thanks so much for letting me get this out!

My little beauty!

ProfessorPedals825 · September 2013

I'm so sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. ((hugs)) Do you swaddle her for sleep? I noticed a big difference in sleep when we started doing this. We EP'd so I can't offer much advise for the nursing every hour, but I do know some ladies that pump and give a full 4oz at night just to help her sleep then continue the regular nursing all other times. It doesn't sound like that's much of an option right now, but if you can manage to find some time to pump, that might be an option. She's such a cutie by the way. I hope things settle down for you soon, and that sweet angel starts to sleep better to give you a break.

misternmiss · September 2013

It definitely sounds like a growth spurt. I too am EBF and it can be so frustrating constantly feeding & feeding & feeding. And the fussiness in between feeds doesn't help your spirit at all. When Cole went through this, I spent a little time blaming myself for doing a billion different things wrong. And then suddenly, it was over and my happy, sleeping, content baby returned. So hang in there mama. I promise it will get better. I agree with the swaddling; it really helped Cole settle down. Also, look up the baby calming techniques from the book "Happiest Baby on the Block." Those saved me as well.

As for your sore nips, after a feed, take some of your own breast milk & rub it around on the nipple. Then let it air dry for a bit. (Requires a little bit of topless time!) This pretty much saved my right nipple from starting on fire and falling off.

Good luck! She is such a precious, adorable girl!

orangegoggles · September 2013

:::hugs::: sounds like a lot to go through alone without your DH. Here are a few things that might help but at the very least know that this is a phase and it will pass.

-Tight tight swaddle even if she resists at first
-loud noise machine (full volume)
- baby wearing
-enlist the help of others to do house work and laundry. When my DS went through phases like this I just set up shop in my bed with everything I needed, just nurse, hold her, and watch TV/computer.
-I wish I spent less time trying to get stuff done...just relax and lay around, you just had a baby and your doing a lot of it on your own! this is the time when you have only one child and have a maternity leave when nothing *has* to be done this instant.
-don't worry about setting up habits right now. Nothin that you do now will affect the baby and her habits until about 3-4 months ...if that.
Hugs!!!

AmyM72 · September 2013

Hugs to you - have to agree with the swaddle as well. We still have a hard time during the day - but get two 3.5 to 4 hour chunks of sleep at night now. I put her in the carrier and vaccuumed one day when she was just fussing and crying and eating all day long. It will get better....and she is adorable!

Junebug060609 · September 2013

What you wrote...the constant nursing, fighting sleep, etc...has all the hallmarks of a growth spurt. There is often one at 4-6 weeks, so the timing lines up as well.

The other ladies had some great ideas for things to help, but know if it is a growth spurt, that it will pass. Most last from 3-7 days (my DS's longest one was 5 days). Stay the course and know it will end.

I found Kellymom to be a great resource.

katharine25 · September 2013

Honey I'm in the exact same place you are - wtf happened to the sleepy sweet newborn I had like 10 days ago?!
DS is on my boob constantly, and even though that's overwhelming it's easier to deal with than him being fussy (though we're dealing with oversupply and gas too, so even that has its own demons). And the only thing that's come close to helping my nips is Earh Mama Angel Baby Nipple Butter. Plus it smells yummy - like hazelnut chocolate.... I bet that makes for some yummy milk too

Remember that books and schedules and recommendations work for some people and not for others. If its not working, than don't force it. It's OK not to be on a schedule now - right now it's just survival mode. You'll be a ton happier if you follow babies cues rather than trying to force her to follow yours. She's only 4 weeks old, she just can't know what it is you want.

The two things that have gotten me through the day in the past few weeks 1. Getting out of the house and doing something. Whether its a mundane errand like grocery shopping, going to a new mom support group, going shopping, having lunch with a friend or even just for a walk. Funny enough, DS seems to sleep through these events and we have great evenings. The days we just stay in the house are the ones that he's fussiest.
2. Babywearing. If he's been fed and changed and refuses to be put down for a nap, ill pop him in a Carrier, walk around the house and he chills out. Sometimes I can even get the laundry folded and the dishes done, or miracle of miracles - eat something!
And a glass of wine at the end of the day. Ok, that's a third thing. Ill be sitting in that rocker hoping he'll go to sleep, and singing "red red wine"...

pkaren · September 2013

Thanks so much for all of the advice! I have been swaddling her at night, but not for naps, so I'm going to try that out. I also bought the miracle blanket a few weeks ago and his not been the "miracle" it promises. She probably sleeps better in it though than if she weren't swaddled! I also wear her in my moby wrap, which seems to settle her! I'm hoping this fussy period doesn't last long and it's good to hear that things get better eventually! I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't going to last forever even though it may seem like it sometimes, especially in he middle of the night!

@Katharine25 I'm going to google the nipple butter, but where do you buy it? And does it stain your shirts? I have Medela lanolin stuff, but it leaves greasy spots on my shirts over my nips!

My MIL came over for a few hours today and I was able to wash myself and tidy up, I feel so much better! Hearing from you guys has also made me feel so much more sane! Thanks again!

katharine25 · September 2013

You can buy it online at amazon or their website, but I also found it at our local natural foods store, and at the baby boutique. They have a listing o local stores on their website. Lanolin is so sticky - it works ok but when your nips at sore it hurts like a bitch puttin them on.

And you need nursing pads. My favorite so far are Disana's reusable ones in silk & wool - they're soft and absorbent. I'm not a fan of disposable ones since they don't let your nipples breath, and I find them scratchy and they dont really stick well when your pulling your shirt or bra down every 5 minutes to nurse; but that's my personal preference

And there's nothing wrong with using MIL as reinforcement!!!! i can't imagine going through this without DH right now (even though I'm nothing about his f ups daily

)

MickeyM04 · September 2013

Here are my tips, and I'm sorry if any are repeats of PP's, but I didn't have time to read them all.

1. To the extent you can TRY to pump, even if it's just an ounce, go for it. I tried to pump once a day after the 7am feeding because I was usually pretty full, even after he stopped eating. If you can build up enough of a stash you can have DH take over one feeding for you. It may take a few days but be patient, because if you can only get like half an oz for a few days, eventually it will be more until there is enough for DH to do a feeding for you every couple of days or so. I would nurse DS, he'd fall asleep, I'd put him in his travel system (it was the place he slept best) right next to me and pump. Then if he woke up and I had to stop so be it. Get a hands free pumping bra! Highly recommend!

2. Swaddle swaddle swaddle. It took us 6 weeks to realize that if we just swaddled DS, he would sleep for 2-3 hours at a stretch instead of oh, you know, TWENTY MINUTES. Lifesaver.

3. Use your DH to the extent you can. Mine was (and is) amazing. He would get up every time DS got up and change him and bring him to me so I could nurse him. He would give a bottle of pumped BM whenever I needed to sleep.

4. Lanolin for your nips. Or, if you can express just a smidge of breast milk, rub it into your nipples and that helps too. I can't remember why. Just trust me.

5. You cannot create bad habits in a 4 week old. Or in an 8 week old for that matter. Possibly even in a 12 week old. Otherwise my DS would still be nursing every 30-45 minutes because pretty much for the first 8 weeks of his life, every time he cried I put him to my boob, thinking that's what he needed. It's likely a growth spurt and those are temporary. Don't worry that anything you are doing now is going to cause permanent damage. I have a baby who started STTN on his own at 5 months even though I spent the first 4 months of his life getting up 3-4 times a night to feed him. If I can't F up a kid, you can't either. Trust me!

jblanky · September 2013

Just want to say I'm with right there with you and katherine25! My kid is boss at fighting sleep. She's a hate to miss like her mom. I have no tips, like None, but have devoured all the ones others have provided! Lets have a drink.

adoxyinherear · September 2013

The first few weeks are so rough, and I'm sorry you're having to do this alone right now. I would also echo PP's suggestion of swaddling to sleep. DD would sometimes fuss during the swaddling process, but once she was all bundled up tight she was a happy girl. I would also encourage you not to worry about pumping yet, unless you're returning to work really soon. She's your best means to establishing a good supply, even though I know it can be awful when they want to nurse all the time! Will she suck on anything else? I had friends who used to put a finger in their daughter's mouth because she wouldn't take a pacifier and mama just needed a break.

mork · September 2013

Hugs

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