MIL obsessed with babies pg people mentioned

JCM285 · September 2013

First of all, I just want to say that I love my MIL and I find myself really fortunate, because I know not everyone feels that way about their in-laws. That being said, she is obsessed with babies and apparently drawn to people with babies, which I guess isn't her fault. She was the most devastated when we told her the news that I had m/c. Her reaction was also a personal one, because she lost a young child -which would have been my DH's sister (I will spare you the detail, because I don't want to upset anyone). Now, I find myself always in a conversation with her and someone who is pg - even the chiro. is having twins (we both see the same doctors)! She is always so happy for them and of course, why shouldn't she be? I am fine with congratulating people on the good news also. But then, it makes her think about me. I am not just guessing this - I know, because when we came back from the chiro. last week, she directly asked me what the gyno. says about us TTC again. Here's the thing - I had a really specific m/c, because it was a molar pregnancy, so the gyno. told us not to TTC for a year. It's extremely risky to TTC because I am at risk for developing tissue that could become cancerous from the previous MP. Anyway, this news doesn't change, and I don't expect her to totally understand that. Most people m/c and then can TTC after a couple cycles, but we can't. It's affected every aspect of my life, including my sex life, and yes, I am still emotionally affected by it even though the D&C was 7 months ago, but I think I am coping pretty well. She is just very loving and motherly and wants her grandchildren. Any advice on how to tell MIL to maybe back off a bit about the babies? Oh one more thing - we just moved into a new house which kind of makes everyone think we are ready for a baby, but she knows the backstory of our m/c so I give everyone else a bit more consideration since we didn't tell everyone that I had the m/c, so I think that this new move may have been part of her wanting us to TTC again too. It's not that I want her to think we won't TTC again because we will after we get the all-clear. All I want is to be separated from the idea for now so that I can continue to have my sanity. Thanks everyone for listening. I've been wanting to mention this for a while but just got the courage to address it. :-)

HeyMrsPotter · September 2013

I'm sorry. It's hard to feel OK about protecting yourself when the person who is hurting you is not a monster, but a misguided and beloved family member.

Your MIL sounds like a very loving woman overall and I would guess that, despite currently being in a baby-obsessed fog, her maternal instincts also lead her to care very deeply about the grown-ups she loves, including you. So, perhaps you can gently awaken that in her by reminding her that getting pregnant right now would actually be reason for very serious concern.

You might kindly add that you know she would never ask you to endanger yourself just to have a chance at pregnancy a few months earlier than you could safely do so, but that when she asks you so hopefully about changes in your status, it's upsetting to you because there's no question that this is how things have to be for the next ~5 months in order for you to stay safe and healthy.

That may or may not work for you. I know that unsolicited advice like this isn't always the most helpful. I wanted to offer it as a suggestion, but more importantly, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you're dealing with such a complicated and frustrating situation. This sounds really difficult. ((HUGS))

buggirl72 · September 2013

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I agree with HMP. Explain (again) to your MIL that you are benched for a year and that it is very hard on you when she asks about when you are going to TTC again. Maybe print some stuff off of the internet about molar pregnancies?

katee2184 · September 2013

First I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your are going though this. I also had a PMP last year, and the many months of TTA while trying to regain my sanity were really difficult. ((hugs))

Does you MIL know about the type of MC you had and what type of follow-up is required? Maybe kindly educating her will help her be more empathetic to your situation? It doesn't sound like she is trying to be hurtful, just maybe a bit blissfully unaware.

MrsWallick · September 2013

So sorry you are going through this! It is wonderful that your MIL is supportive and loving. Mine is one of the most insensitive people I have ever met and doesn't even know about our m/c. So you are very lucky in that aspect! Remember, she is grieving just like you are and everyone grieves differently with no set period of time allotted. I agree with PPs to print out some research articles or information for her and educate her on the situation. You are certainly right that it is difficult to hear these things when it's not you making this decision, it's your doctor and your body. I think some gentle honesty could go a long way with your MIL though. Good luck! (((Hugs)))

JCM285 · September 2013

Thank you ladies!! I appreciate your advice and support always

JCM285 · September 2013

@katee2184, thanks for understanding! It is hard to find people who truly understand what I'm going through so I appreciate your reply :-)

MIL obsessed with babies pg people mentioned

Re: MIL obsessed with babies pg people mentioned

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

MIL obsessed with babies **pg people mentioned**

Re: MIL obsessed with babies **pg people mentioned**

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

MIL obsessed with babies pg people mentioned

Re: MIL obsessed with babies pg people mentioned