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WWBFD - BD living in a garage

twister22twister22 member
in Blended Families
BD is officially living in his friend's (well, really his friend's mom's..) 3 car garage, which is "totally finished and really nice, it just doesn't have plumbing" says BD. BD wants me to come check the place out this week, which I'm going to do. Thing is, no matter which way he puts things - there is no running water, and that is NOT okay for two small children - my DS(almost 5) and BD's DD(2).

So, how do I handle things with BD? Typically he's been picking DS up Friday afternoons, and I get DS back Sunday afternoons. Should I tell BD that he can have DS during the day, but DS will be staying nights with me? If so, who handles the driving? This weekend will be BD's weekend.
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Re: WWBFD - BD living in a garage

  • twister22twister22 member
    And sorry I have to post & run!
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    is he allowed access to the house for plumbing needs. (using the bathroom/kitchen)?

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Days. No over nights, and if you have to run get them, then so be it.   I would also lawyer up and request that the CO be modified ASAP.  He's homeless. That is NOT a home.  And with winter coming...my god. It's going to get cold quick and any kind of rigged up heating he'll do, will be a danger to your children. 
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    edited September 2013

    Wait...if it is" totally finished and really nice, it just doesn't have plumbing" why wouldn't it have heat?

    I'm confused.

    Is this a permanently modified garage to room minus plumbing or just a garage (no insulation, no electric/heat, etc) that has had carpet thrown down and bedding put in it?

    If it just doesn't have a bathroom but he's got access to the house and plumbing for the bathroom/kitchen needs I don't see the issue, but if this is a make shift room no electric, no heat, no a/c, etc. then no kids need to be living there all weekend(s).

     

     

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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    andrea99 said:

    I would offer the days, but no overnights. 

    BM is living with a "friend" right now (a dude that looks A LOT like XBF) and she isn't allowed to have SD overnight because there's only one bed in the house.  She hasn't been taking SD to the friend's house, just taking her on outings close to our house.  That might be an option?  He can come pick up DS and go hang out at the park or something for a few hours.  Even if it's not the whole day, then you don't have to worry about you both driving a ton, and he still sees BD.

    @andrea99 wait? What?! Isn't your BM the one who just got married & her DH has already moved states and she's following when their house is sold? And she's now living with someone who looks like an ex bf??

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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    Oh geez. I was sure that was you, until I read that and second guessed myself. That lady is some kind of crazy.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    +just+j+ said:
    Days. No over nights, and if you have to run get them, then so be it.   I would also lawyer up and request that the CO be modified ASAP.  He's homeless. That is NOT a home.  And with winter coming...my god. It's going to get cold quick and any kind of rigged up heating he'll do, will be a danger to your children. 
    ^^ This.  He cannot possibly think he's going to still have overnight visits while sleeping in a garage.  Absolutely not, no way in hell.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    edited September 2013
    I wouldn't allow it with no plumbing, especially if there is also no heat. I would still give him the option of taking an overnight if he will stay at his mothers that night, otherwise just daytime visits. Also, because he initiated this whole mess by not being an adult and actually getting an apartment that his child could also stay in, I would make him do any extra driving. 

    Edit: I know his mother kicked him out, but she may be willing to have him stay over once every other weekend so she can see DS. 
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Hopeforthebest said:

    is he allowed access to the house for plumbing needs. (using the bathroom/kitchen)?

    He says that the garage is right next to the house entrance, which is the kitchen & a bathroom. He says he has a key to the house.


    +just+j+ said:
    Days. No over nights, and if you have to run get them, then so be it.   I would also lawyer up and request that the CO be modified ASAP.  He's homeless. That is NOT a home.  And with winter coming...my god. It's going to get cold quick and any kind of rigged up heating he'll do, will be a danger to your children. 
    @+just+j+ the CO already states that I get to veto him staying overnight anywhere other than the home in the CO. So we're safe on that one. He'll be annoyed if I don't let him have overnights, but he'll understand and deal with it.


    Hopeforthebest said:

    Wait...if it is" totally finished and really nice, it just doesn't have plumbing" why wouldn't it have heat?

    I'm confused.

    Is this a permanently modified garage to room minus plumbing or just a garage (no insulation, no electric/heat, etc) that has had carpet thrown down and bedding put in it?

    If it just doesn't have a bathroom but he's got access to the house and plumbing for the bathroom/kitchen needs I don't see the issue, but if this is a make shift room no electric, no heat, no a/c, etc. then no kids need to be living there all weekend(s).

     

     

    I'm under the impression that it has everything except plumbing. I'll see it probably tomorrow, so I'll know then.


    andrea99 said:
    @sweetwalks Yep, that's her.  While she waits for the house in STL to sell, she's moved back here.  Not sure why that makes sense, but it does to her.  Instead of paying rent and a mortgage, she's living with some guy while she goes back to work at the bar.  I think it was initially supposed to be so she could see SD as much as possible before the move (we told her she can have her during the day every weekend until she leaves), but she's taken her a grand total of 15 hours in the last three weeks.  She's going to NJ next weekend to see SF, even though that's been her scheduled weekend with SD since.. May?  Yeah, she's fun.
    What the hell is wrong with that woman? Does SF know who she's living with?
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member

    I say go check out the "garage apartment" first. If it really is renovated to be an apartment, just without plumbing I would consider it. I would think with your DS being almost 5 he wouldn't have a lot of overnight bathroom trips, so using the bathroom in the house wouldn't be too much of an issue. (Although definitely not convenient or desireable, thats for sure) If no heat, I wouldn't allow DS to go and would propose the daytime scenario. He can't honestly be stupid enough to think you would allow your child to stay in an "apartment" with no working heat?!

    @andrea99 What a hot mess. Does SF know who she's staying with? Or is she lying to him and playing him too?

    BabyFetus Ticker


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  • JessH1474JessH1474 member

    I wouldn't allow overnights right now either.  I haven't been around long, but didn't he chose to live in this garage to save money?  If that is the case, then I would make him responsible for all transportation to get DS back and forth to you.   If he had no other place to go, then I would be flexible but that doesn't sound like the case if I remember correctly.  I'm sure if the situation were reversed he would NOT be ok with this either. 

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