Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

We need a Blended Family Coalition

HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
in Blended Families

Seriously.

Have you ever just sat back, especially after finding this board and reading all the crazy, repeat scenarios and wondered why there isn't some sort of coalition or group to represent us?

Family Law is messy and I get that. But my GOD there is so much at stake. These kids are important and you have moms, dads, step moms, step dads jumping up and down paying ass loads of money on therapy, lawyers.Documenting shit from here to kingdom come and driving ourselves insane. All for what? For ass clown judges to not look at documentation. Not "intervene" on issues like vaccination.

The lawyers just get fat, happy and richer by the moment.

It is out of control. I'm so frustrated for everyone. I'm sorry but divorce is going to happen. We are not all perfect. But damn man, why are we losing our savings, our minds and our futures for idiots to play games and ruin these kids.

There has to be a better way.

 

Report Reply to Post

Re: We need a Blended Family Coalition

  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    It's called mediation.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • SigirSigir member
    I totally agree. Just don't know what that better way is. :(
    Report Reply
  • twister22twister22 member
    @karma1969 BD & I mediated our agreement, and things are far from rainbows and sunshine. Shit still sucks. Money was still spent. Judges are still ass hats.
    image
    Report Reply
  • ambrvanambrvan member
    And not everything can be solved through meditation. Even if one person is eager to work things out, this board has proved that do many simply will do everything in their power to make it harder on the other, regardless of the cost the children pay.
    Report Reply
  • SigirSigir member
    ambrvan said:

    And not everything can be solved through meditation. Even if one person is eager to work things out, this board has proved that do many simply will do everything in their power to make it harder on the other, regardless of the cost the children pay.

    Ita.

    Report Reply
  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    I like mediation, and I have even looked into being an arbiter. But honestly, successful mediation is dependent on so many variables. 

    XH and I were required to go to mediation. But the only thing he wanted was to get out of CS (or secondarily, reduce it). Since it was a state-calculated sum, his attorney tried to say my retired father should be forced to stay home and care for DS. I laughed. My attorney laughed. The mediator laughed. Then we were done, and nothing was decided or helped. 
    my read shelf:
    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Report Reply
  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    @karma1969 in some counties the mediator is allowed to make their recommendations to the Court regarding issues that weren't agreed upon after meeting with both parties.  When that happens, the Judge will usually take the recommendations and make those the new CO.  When this happens, mediation is definitely ideal and beneficial for the kids because it's an unbiased third party making those recommendations.  However, even then the mediator has only met mom and dad once (maybe twice) for about an hour.  There are no home visits, no family interviews, no other investigation to see what is really best for the child.  Shoot, a lot of mediators won't even talk to kids anymore.  And in situations like @bebe11, how drastically would the Judge's or mediator's opinion change if they could listen to her DD tell it in her own words with her own raw emotions how she feels and what she wants?

    I agree there needs to be some sort of reform.  When parents can't amicably decide the fate of their children (like in that article gin posted), I think a GAL should be immediately appointed for the kids.  The real problem (in my opinion) is that the children need more of a voice.  The Courts are so crowded with nonsense filings that there isn't "time" to fully investigate what's really best for the children involved.
    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I agree that the system is flawed, but the participants at court in family law are pretty much set up to fail because you are dealing with the things that mean the most to you; your children, your feelings and your money.

    Mediation only works if both of the people are capable of being reasonable. BM in our case wanted DH to pay enough so she didn't have to work and could stay home with SS (which was something they couldn't afford even when they were together, let alone apart), but didn't want DH to have a set schedule of when he could see SS. She wanted it at her discretion. That is not someone to be reasoned with.

    The only way things work ideally are if both parents can set aside their feelings and truly find a balance that is in the best interest of the child, and balances out their needs/wants. If this was really attainable then most of the BP wouldn't have gotten a divorce in the first place. Throw in some drama with a person cheating, abuse, someone who treats their kid like crap, someone moving on before the other person, resentment of the other's success, etc and it is a recipe for disaster.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    edited September 2013

    I AGREE LAVENDER. My DH went to mediation with his ex. The mediator and his lawyer both were not only flabbergasted by BM and her requests/demands but the douchebag lawyer she was using as well was a POS. Unethical and not a family lawyer to begin with.

    It got so bad ...DH's lawyer told the mediator to go back and tell the other two (BM And Lawyer) that DH didn't want the undercoating... (as if he were negotiating a car deal). It was a smarmy comment but wasn't serious but the tone was set from the get go by BM and her lawyer that they were not really there to negotiate but to make demands. 

    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I think part of the coalition should have a weekly drinking club where we can vent all out woes.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    This is really interesting. I do wonder if judges and attorneys would be more careful with their decisions if they knew that the stuff they did was reported back to a coalition and/or media outlet.

    Our judge literally was checking her email during our case. She was pretending to take notes on a computer but our attorney said he could see her COMPLETELY NOT PAYING ATTENTION. As a result she filed right down the middle. Now if she could be humiliated for acting like an idiot and potentially not re-assigned that would probably help thousands of children and families.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    Karma1969 said:

    It's called mediation.

    I'm pretty sure the mediator for DHs CO IS a judge. I didn't go to MI with him when he did it but does that sound right? I'm pretty sure everything was done through FOC, no lawyers and from the way the documents are written it looks like the judge is the mediator so maybe it carries more weight than in places where that's not the case.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"