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T&P Please

MJM3108MJM3108 member
in Parenting after a Loss
Hey ladies. I just wanted to ask you all for your T&P if you can spare them. I am really struggling with a lot of emotional crap right now. DH and I are struggling financially, and as a result, we are fighting like all.the.time. On top of all the financial stress/ worry, we are looking for a more affordable place to live, and that is a freakin sh#t show... We have dwindled our savings trying to stay afloat, and now have to continue renting or find a lease to own home as we don't have what we need for a down payment. Our current landlord wants to raise our rent, and with winter coming (and oil heat) we absolutely cannot afford to live there anymore. We've been there for 4 years, and the idea of packing and moving all our stuff makes me want to cry. All the places we look at that are in our price range are either total dumps or in kind of sketchy neighborhoods.
As if the money/ housing stuff wasn't enough, this past Saturday was the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I am NOT doing well at all... I am forcing myself out of bed everyday, and it is a chore to constantly be taking care of Ben. DH gets up early (between 330-4 am) and till he gets home (between 4-5 pm) he is tired and bitches if I ask him to help me out... Apparently since I only work part time, he works harder than me and therefore he gets to sit on his ass when he gets home while I care for Ben, cook dinner, do the dishes, do the laundry, etc, etc, etc. I really need help from him and I don't know how else to ask him for help so that he takes me seriously. 
At any rate, if you've made it this far, I am going to see my OB this afternoon. I have been ignoring the warning signs of PPD for a while now, and this past few weeks has made it impossible for me to ignore any longer. Hopefully, she can also recommend a therapist that I can start seeing. I feel like my life is falling apart, and I am desperately trying to hold it together. So any T&P you can spare would be so greatly appreciated. 
If you read this whole dang thing, here's a lovely beverage for you to enjoy: 
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PAL JULY SIGGY CHALLENGE: CAKE WRECKS
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Re: T&P Please

  • OatoaOatoa member

    Thoughts and prayers to you.  Working and taking care of your LO is hard enough without the additional stress of financial worries and a rough patch in your relationship.  Hold on and huge hugs to you.

     

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  • misternmissmisternmiss member
    So many (((hugs))) for you. You are dealing with a LOT right now. I think it's great that you are getting in to see your OB. Sending lots of T&Ps that your living situation gets sorted out soon.

    And I really hope YH comes around and hears you out about pitching in. The fact that you work part time means technically you have a full time job (caring for DS) PLUS a part time job. So really, you're working more than YH. If you can, I would find a moment when you're both not super stressed or tired (the weekend? a day off?) to sit down and discuss it.

    Good luck! We're all here if you need us!
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  • salsa_wifeysalsa_wifey member

    T&P sent!  I'm so sorry you are going through this and your husband isn't being very helpful or supportive.  Guys just don't get it.  You've really got a lot on your plate with just one of these things, I couldn't imagine them all happening at once.

    I'm so glad you are seeking help from your doctor.

    (((Hugs)))

     

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    [/    RA with Sjogren's Syndrome. Risk of heart block in newborn. Age: DH and I are both 38.
    BFP #1: 11/25/2007, EDD 7/28/2008 - Missed m/c (blighted ovum) 12/6/2007 6w3d, D&C 1/3/2008.
    BFP #2: 4/2008 - Natural m/c at 6w.
    Met with RE in 5/2008 full cycle analysis and SA normal. Not considered high risk for blood clots but prescribed 1 baby aspirin a day precautionary during TTC and Progesterone suppositories during 1st trimester of pregnancy.
    BFP #3: 10/17/2008. EDD 6/23/2009,  Third time's the charm! Healthy baby boy born 6/27/2009 via emergency c-section.
    BFP #4: 6/14/2011. Healthy baby boy born 2/16/2012 via elective c-section.
    BFP #5: 1/15/2014. EDD 9/22/2014.     2/17/14:.We have a BABY!!! Heart rate 167 and measuring on time. 3/10/14 u/s #2 baby measuring perfectly at 12 weeks at heart rate of 166. NT u/s was normal. Maternit21 blood draw on 3/5/14. Results back on 3/19 - Normal.  It's a BOY!!!  4/10/14 at 16 weeks, 3 days discovered baby's heart stopped at 15 weeks, 6 days. D&C 4/11/14.  Pathology results were all normal.  New information on 8/11/14 - blood test revealed 1/3 of babys blood was in mine caused, most likely, by a tear in the placenta from extreme coughing.  Doctor believes this to be the cause of death.  Repeat D&C and Hysteroscopy scheduled for 8/19/14.  My Chart

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  • ProfessorPedals825ProfessorPedals825 member
    Sending lots of T&Ps for you, dear.  I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now.  We're in a similar money situation so I can understand how frustrating it is.  I hope the OB visit will help, and please let us know if you need anything.  ((HUGS))

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    BFP#1 3/8/12; diagnosed w/ Anencephaly at 12w6d; D&C 5/9/12
    BFP#2 7/18/12; A/S 10/26/12 It's a Girl! EDD 3/29/13
    Phoebe Jordan Born 3/20/13

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  • adoxyinherearadoxyinherear member
    So many hugs for you. I am really sorry you are having such a rough time right now and I hope you can get some help soon.
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    imageimageimageTTC since 07/11 | natural m/c 08/11 | BFP 12/6/2011 | Elinor Anna born 8/18/2012 | BFP #2 1/16/2014
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  • martinimommamartinimomma member
    So glad you are reaching out. Sending T and P straight in to you during this tough time.

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    BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 2/2011
    Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
    Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013

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  • 4legsRbest4legsRbest member
    Tons of T&Ps for you. Sounds like you are going through the perfect storm. I hope your appoitment goes well and the chips start falling on place soon!
    Me: 37 DH: 40 TTC since 9/09
    #1 BFP 1/10/11; missed m/c discovered 7w5d
    IF Dx: Endo, hetero MTHFR mutation, poor morphology
    #1 IUI: 1/18/12 = BFN
    #1 IVF/ICSI 4/2/12 = 2 x 7-cell and 1 x 5-cell transferred (3dt) = BFP!!
    H was born at 41w2d on 12/29/12 - be still my heart!
    #2 IVF/ICSI 1/19/14 = 2 x 8 cells transferred (3dt) = BFP!! EDD 10/09/14
    M&W born at 37 weeks on 9/18/14 - I am the momma of 3 boys!!!

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  • FmrAFBratFmrAFBrat member
    ((HUGE HUGS)) I am really sorry you are going through this right. I also totally understand how it feels to do all of the housework. I do it all and work full time with the 2 boys.:( My MIL has DH convinced that most men don't help...so it's a mentality thing. Maybe you can get your DH to change his. Anyways I'll be sending T&Ps your way that everything works out for you, especially on the financial end since that tends to be really frustrating. Hang in there!!
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
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  • orangegogglesorangegoggles member
    Sending you thoughts and prayers hun! I hope you and DH can sit down and come up with a plan that helps you financially and emotionally. I am so glad you are meeting with your OB to talk about PPD. Its a great first step, you will feel so much better. (((Hugs))) 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
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  • MickeyM04MickeyM04 member
    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear all this.  It sounds like everything is just blowing up in your face right now and I am so sorry about that.  I will say huge kudos to you on considering therapy.  As someone with a looooooooooong history of mental health issues, I will say my therapist is my lifesaver, especially when I'm off my meds (like now).  Sometimes, all you need is a little perspective, coping mechanisms, etc. to get you through circumstances that suck but you really can't change.  TONS of T&Ps to you during an extremely trying time.  I know it will get better for you, I just know it.
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    BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
    BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
     BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14.  4/27/14:  Our second take home baby is here!

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  • AmyM72AmyM72 member
    T&P's for you and hope you get feeling better soon. I think someone else already said it, but don't worry about the housework and DH might be more apt to help out if he is able to see you need help for himself. HUGS!
    About me:AMA 41 BFP 8/1/12 EDD 4/8/12 Found no Heartbeat 9/5/12 D&C 9/12/12

    BFP 12/13/12 EDD 8/22/13 Lilah Ruby born 8/8/13

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  • tetiananinatetiananina member
    I am so so sorry. Sending you lots of ((hugs)). I really hope you find the best housing solution for you. I could only imagine having to deal with not only an infant, but finances, being a "single" parent in the sense of you do everything for Ben. I really hope you find an amazing therapist that helps you through this tough time. I wish I had more to offer but I will keep you in my prayers.

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
    BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • Mmm79Mmm79 member
    Thinking of you.  That is so much to be dealing with and I am sorry that it is all converging at once.  Huge ((hugs)).  

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    BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
    BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
    BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






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  • MJM3108MJM3108 member
    You ladies are amazing! I am sitting at my desk with tears streaming down my cheeks. I am so grateful for all your love and support.

    I have hit another roadblock, however. When I got to my appt yesterday, I found out my insurance had been cancelled... I had to apply for medical assistance when we got pregnant with Ben out of nowhere (18 months into TTC, with not a single BFP, I lost my job and we stopped trying as I had no insurance anymore, and of course, then it happens). I can't get insurance through my employer as I am part time, and I can't get insurance through H's employer until 2014. So apparently, when you are put on the managed care HMO for pregnancy, they are allowed to cancel it after your OB discharges you from care (ie- my 8 week PP check up) without any notice. Ben has CHIP so he is covered, and H has his group health insurance, but I am without coverage. I am working on trying to get back on some kind of plan, self funded, whatever, so I can get the help I desperately need. It's just so incredibly defeating when you finally work up the nerve to ask for help and you can't get it.... ~X( 
    PAL JULY SIGGY CHALLENGE: CAKE WRECKS
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    You Made me a mommy... 

    Ticker id: ARvP

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     Lilypie - (KAFM)

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  • melly918melly918 member
    Hugs! you are making the right decision to see your doctor. I hope things look brighter for you soon.
    DS born 2009
    BFP#2 ~ 8/2/11, EDD 4/11/12, D&C 9/12/11 at 9w5d
    BFP#3 ~ 4/15/12, EDD 12/21/12 ~ DD born 12/22/12
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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    I am so sorry to read your update. It is so hard when things snowball and you feel like you just can't get a win. Since Ben has CHIP are you eligible for WIC? Maybe they can direct you to other resources that might be available. Deep breaths! You can do this. 


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    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • Mmm79Mmm79 member
    Ugh. I worked in insurance and health care policy. Depending g on certain factors, you may be eligible for coverage another way. If not, some counselors accept self-pay patients on a sliding scale basis. If you feel comfortable, feel free to PM me.

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    BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
    BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12 
    BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13






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  • csaverycsavery member
    Hugs and lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way!! You are going thru a lot right now and we are all here for you. You will get thru this and things will settle down again!!
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  • FmrAFBratFmrAFBrat member
    jbranden12 said:

    I am so sorry to read your update. It is so hard when things snowball and you feel like you just can't get a win. Since Ben has CHIP are you eligible for WIC? Maybe they can direct you to other resources that might be available. Deep breaths! You can do this. 

    Try local colleges and churches for free therapy. You may also want to check into income contingent housing. In my area the local government buys actual homes in regular neighborhoods that value $250,000 or less for both income contingent and section 8 housing. Some of the Obamacare plans that start next month might work for you. Call to find programs in your area and most of the people recieving benefits WORK a job. Hang in there. ((HUGS))
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
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  • morkmork member
    Many many hugs
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    Mama to 5 angel babies, 1 rainbow baby, and 2 more angel babies. 
    My beautiful Ella/ToT arrived 10/10/12. 
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