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Blended Families
Ginlyn0
member
BD's family drama and DD
Ginlyn0
member
So Fri morning, I got a text from BD asking if DD had told me she would be spending the weekend with his mom (DD's Nana) & SF and asked if I could either take her to my mom's and call them once there and they would come pick her up or if that didn't work just to call his SF and work something else out. I told him that no, DD had not mentioned that to me but ok. So flash forward to when DD gets back today, she's in a pissy mood. She mentions that she found out that Nana's neighbor went to school with me. This woman and I just recently became FB friends a few months ago when we ran into each other again ( we were friends in 6th grade). So she's the SM of DD's friend over there that DD has known for years so the woman finally recognized DD as my DD and asked her if I was her mom. So then I started thinking this had something to do with DD's bad mood because that was the only thing she had said at that point so I was trying to get her to open up about what was bothering her. And a can of worms was opened.
Currently, her aunt is living with her grandparents. The aunt got pregnant and separated from her BF and moved in. The baby probably is around 5 months old. This would be DD's cousin. This is about how much I knew until today because this is what DD told me when her cousin was born.
Backstory: When DD was born, BD and I were young and her aunt is older. She got insanely jealous over DD at Christmas (when aunt was 24) and that was the first time I ever saw her act like a little child that didn't get everything they wanted. She didn't understand why she "the daughter" was not getting as much stuff from her mom, SF, BD & SM for Christmas than the grandchild. (um, hello, you are an adult now) She pretty much didn't associate much with DD the entire first 5 years of DD's life when BD and I were off and on. She bounced around between living with her mom, her BD and grandparents because she was an adult, couldn't keep an apartment and would frequently get in arguments with whichever one she was living with at the time. So I haven't seen her since. DD hasn't seen her a lot since until she moved in with DD's grandparents.
So in the car on the way home, DD starts saying how she's upset because of her aunt and how her aunt acts like she's 18 instead of older (her aunt would be about 36 now) and she is mean to her and she hates her because she always yells at her. So I ask what does she yell at you about? I automatically think, maybe she is trying to make DD watch the baby or something and DD isn't doing what she asks (DD is not capable of watching a baby). DD said that since her aunt moved in with the baby, she took over the master bedroom and her grandfather had to move upstairs to what used to be "DD's room" at their house. Her nana has MS so can't walk up stairs and maybe that has something to do with it because possibly she is watching the baby while the aunt works and wants access to the crib, ect??? I really don't know and don't care why the grandparents aren't sleeping in the same room. But I don't get this next part. DD said that she, her nana and her aunt all sleep in the same bed and the baby is in a crib in the master bedroom. Apparently, last night the baby woke up in the middle of the night. The aunt then blamed it all on DD and was yelling at her and her Nana over DD supposedly waking the baby up. Apparently, the aunt had the TV volume up really loud and so DD felt she needed to defend herself and was yelling back at her aunt and she said her Nana was also saying the the baby woke up because the TV volume was at 50. The aunt apparently said a bunch of crap about DD (DD didn't get into what, and I wasn't asking) ....WTH??????
Basically, I told DD that I'm sorry she had to go through that but that she shouldn't yell back at her aunt even if her aunt is wrong in yelling at her. I told her it's not her job to defend herself to an adult and that it's her Nana (her adult in that situation) to deal with adult situations like that. IShe should have stayed out of any argument with her aunt and only spoken to her Nana or grandfather and ignored anything her aunt said because two wrongs don't make a right and it's not okay to yell at anyone. I told her that her cousin is really young and that her aunt obviously doesn't realize that babies and kids wake up in the middle of the night and that's probably because it's her first baby. I told her that not all "aunts" or "uncles" are the greatest people or treat their nieces or nephews well and that it's unfortunate that she feels her aunt is mean to her and that hopefully someday now that the aunt has her own child that she will eventually realize that she shouldn't treat DD that way.
I seriously am ticked and part of me wants to tell BD that until the aunt moves out, DD isn't allowed to spend the night at his mom's. Yet I don't want to punish his mom and I can't really uphold that threat. I can't really see a conversation with him over this going well at all so part of me thinks I shouldn't say anything. DD isn't really at the grandparents all the time anymore. She hadn't been there since the week in July. But seriously WTH is wrong with a 36 yo screaming at a 13 yo for a baby waking up in the middle of the night. This just points out to me yet again that she is still childish and obviously clueless. I'm sorry babies and kids wake up in the middle of the night all the time. Maybe I should call her and scream at her the next time my 3 yo is up in the middle of the night. I'm just at a loss.
Currently, her aunt is living with her grandparents. The aunt got pregnant and separated from her BF and moved in. The baby probably is around 5 months old. This would be DD's cousin. This is about how much I knew until today because this is what DD told me when her cousin was born.
Backstory: When DD was born, BD and I were young and her aunt is older. She got insanely jealous over DD at Christmas (when aunt was 24) and that was the first time I ever saw her act like a little child that didn't get everything they wanted. She didn't understand why she "the daughter" was not getting as much stuff from her mom, SF, BD & SM for Christmas than the grandchild. (um, hello, you are an adult now) She pretty much didn't associate much with DD the entire first 5 years of DD's life when BD and I were off and on. She bounced around between living with her mom, her BD and grandparents because she was an adult, couldn't keep an apartment and would frequently get in arguments with whichever one she was living with at the time. So I haven't seen her since. DD hasn't seen her a lot since until she moved in with DD's grandparents.
So in the car on the way home, DD starts saying how she's upset because of her aunt and how her aunt acts like she's 18 instead of older (her aunt would be about 36 now) and she is mean to her and she hates her because she always yells at her. So I ask what does she yell at you about? I automatically think, maybe she is trying to make DD watch the baby or something and DD isn't doing what she asks (DD is not capable of watching a baby). DD said that since her aunt moved in with the baby, she took over the master bedroom and her grandfather had to move upstairs to what used to be "DD's room" at their house. Her nana has MS so can't walk up stairs and maybe that has something to do with it because possibly she is watching the baby while the aunt works and wants access to the crib, ect??? I really don't know and don't care why the grandparents aren't sleeping in the same room. But I don't get this next part. DD said that she, her nana and her aunt all sleep in the same bed and the baby is in a crib in the master bedroom. Apparently, last night the baby woke up in the middle of the night. The aunt then blamed it all on DD and was yelling at her and her Nana over DD supposedly waking the baby up. Apparently, the aunt had the TV volume up really loud and so DD felt she needed to defend herself and was yelling back at her aunt and she said her Nana was also saying the the baby woke up because the TV volume was at 50. The aunt apparently said a bunch of crap about DD (DD didn't get into what, and I wasn't asking) ....WTH??????
Basically, I told DD that I'm sorry she had to go through that but that she shouldn't yell back at her aunt even if her aunt is wrong in yelling at her. I told her it's not her job to defend herself to an adult and that it's her Nana (her adult in that situation) to deal with adult situations like that. IShe should have stayed out of any argument with her aunt and only spoken to her Nana or grandfather and ignored anything her aunt said because two wrongs don't make a right and it's not okay to yell at anyone. I told her that her cousin is really young and that her aunt obviously doesn't realize that babies and kids wake up in the middle of the night and that's probably because it's her first baby. I told her that not all "aunts" or "uncles" are the greatest people or treat their nieces or nephews well and that it's unfortunate that she feels her aunt is mean to her and that hopefully someday now that the aunt has her own child that she will eventually realize that she shouldn't treat DD that way.
I seriously am ticked and part of me wants to tell BD that until the aunt moves out, DD isn't allowed to spend the night at his mom's. Yet I don't want to punish his mom and I can't really uphold that threat. I can't really see a conversation with him over this going well at all so part of me thinks I shouldn't say anything. DD isn't really at the grandparents all the time anymore. She hadn't been there since the week in July. But seriously WTH is wrong with a 36 yo screaming at a 13 yo for a baby waking up in the middle of the night. This just points out to me yet again that she is still childish and obviously clueless. I'm sorry babies and kids wake up in the middle of the night all the time. Maybe I should call her and scream at her the next time my 3 yo is up in the middle of the night. I'm just at a loss.
DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BD's family drama and DD
I would def. contact BD and let him know he should talk to DD about her weekend. Let DD communicate what happened. That way he is hearing it from her and has to deal with it and be accountable to her for what happens in the future with visits to Nana's house and the bigger picture, how Aunt is approached/dealt with regarding her behavior with DD.
I will probably be telling DD to talk to her dad about it and sending him a quick text. I'm going to talk to DD a little more in a few days when she's had time to calm more. She went to bed early last night since she said she got no sleep the night before.
What the hell? Her aunt is bat shit crazy. That sounds like Borderline Personality or Bi-polar kind of behavior. Not diagnosing...just saying.
I agree that you need to talk to BD about this and tell him to restrict overnights with them. She can still visit, but not overnight. That's just nuts.
I have this overwhelming sends that the aunt is bullying her parents and has taken complete control over the household - obviously.