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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Charlie543
member
I had to terminate
Charlie543
member
We finally got married in April, we have been through so many life challenges. and been together for 12 years. We decided once we are on our honeymoon we will begin to try, and in May on our honeymoon we tried and were pregnant. We came home a week later I found out and I couldnt believe it. that was so fast, our first time trying and I am pregnant already. it was terrifying and exciting. we went for our first trimester screen and the bladder was enlarged. they said come back in 4 weeks so we can check again, it could be nothing it could be something but wont know till then. i was so nervous the first few days after but then i was ok until we had to go to the appointment. we went and the ultrasound tech was silent, never good, then the doctor and then he is silent...i know by now that there is bad news without them telling us but i never thought what they were going to say was going to be real. i planned "ok if something is wrong with the bladder there are so many things they can do, i can handle this" i was wrong, i couldnt have prepared for what i heard in the next 2 minutes.
our babys bladder had ruptured due to a blockage causing the kidneys to stop working. there was now fluid in the body and in the lungs. there was a heart defect, problem with the spine, and issues with the brain development. we had just heard that our baby was basically dieing and there was nothing we could do, and nothing that we did to cause it. there was no moment of gray area, should we or shouldn't we....we had no option we had to terminate because i was about to have a miscarriage in a week or two.
my baby was dieing. it has been 16 days since i heard the news, and it has been 13 days since i had to say good bye to my baby. i have heard it all from god has a reason, to look to the future you will have another baby, it wasn't your fault ,etc..... i am a rational person, i know i did nothing wrong and i know there was nothing to prevent this. i do believe god has a plan, i hate that it included this but how do you ever move on from this really. i was 17 weeks pregnant and i had to spend time talking to my baby and saying I'm sorry, that i love you and i will miss you . that its ok to go, and asking god to take my baby before i had to do the d and e. i never thought in my life these words would come out my mouth.
each day is a little better but i could have a great day and then in one moment im done. i saw a baby the other day and i couldnt breathe. i think of the day i will be pregnant again but how can i think of that day. how do i get past this day. it will never be ok, and i know it shouldnt be. i lost a baby and that is never ok but how to i support my two best friends that are pregnant, one due days before i was due ? how do i go to work everyday and not cry? how do i get through this pain? when will i stop being sad
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I had to terminate
BFP 5.19.13 EDD 1.18.14 M/C at 16 weeks
We will hold you in our hearts until we can hold you in our arms in Heaven.
BFP #2 12.28.14 EDD 8.26.15
Praying for our rainbow!
09/2007: Ectopic with rupture - lost right tube | 09/2012: Ectopic - saved the left tube
08/05/2013: BFP not ectopic | EDD: 4/22/2014 | 09/15/2013: Miscarried at home
Burned the bench 01/20/15 - Medicated Cycle with Clomid and HCG trigger shot on 02/08/2015
++++ BFP 2/17/18 ++++ EDD 10/26/2015