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WWBFD? Change of address

+just+j++just+j+ member
in Blended Families

XH has lied to me about moving in with his girlfriend. He indicated to me not long ago that he hasn't moved in with her, but I know for a fact that he has, and it's been a little while.  Maybe a month.

The CO states that we are supposed to keep each other informed of current addresses.

On one hand I feel like this is not worth it to bring up to him, because it wouldn't take much to figure out where her house is.  It's a small town.  Not much effort would be needed.  I kind of think I'll just add it to my list of contempt issues when he gets a hair up his ass playing house and wants to ask for more time with DD. On the other, I think he should tell me and I should at least know where my kid is on weekends.

So what would you all do?  Sit back and do nothing?  Save it for court as back up on his behavior when dealing with a bigger issue?  By the way, he still doesn't have life insurance.  He was supposed to have it by end of April. I gave him until August. Still no insurance.  So I already feel like he's slacking.

I'm dying to see where he wants me to pick up DD on Sunday.  I would not be able to keep a straight face if he tells me to meet him at his old apartment building and he's sitting outside with DD.  That would crack me up.

"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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Re: WWBFD? Change of address

  • WahooWahoo member
    edited September 2013
    What are you willing to do if he doesn't provide you with his gf's address? Are you willing to keep DD from him until he provides it? If not, and you are not worried about DD when she is at the new address (ESP if you can contact xh or dd when she is with him) then I would let it go. I would save the kicking and screaming for a bigger battle (if, for example, you found DD was around xh's kids). You were married to a liar and a slacker. He is not going to magically change into an honest and responsible guy because you divorced him! As for the life insurance, the next time you went to court I would get permission to take out a life insurance policy on him, pay the premiums, and roll the extra costs into the CS. If you want anything done with this guy, you will have to do it yourself.
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I

    Wahoo said:
    What are you willing to do if he doesn't provide you with his gf's address? Are you willing to keep DD from him until he provides it? If not, and you are not worried about DD when she is at the new address (ESP if you can contact xh or dd when she is with him) then I would let it go. I would save the kicking and screaming for a bigger battle (if, for example, you found DD was around xh's kids). You were married to a liar and a slacker. He is not going to magically change into an honest and responsible guy because you divorced him! As for the life insurance, the next time you went to court I would get permission to take out a life insurance policy on him, pay the premiums, and roll the extra costs into the CS. If you want anything done with this guy, you will have to do it yourself.


    Funny - I have been wanting to tell him that since I divorced I have not magically lost my ability to tell when he's lying.  But I won't.  You're right. It's pointless.

    I did not know I could ask to take out the policy and roll it into his CS.  I LOVE that! 

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    edited September 2013
    I would wait for one more thing to pop up and then file contempt for not complying with life insurance, moving and refusing to share new address, and whatever the next issue is. I'm a bitch like that though, and I would want him to know I'm not going to let shit slide.
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    +just+j+ said:

    I

    Wahoo said:
    What are you willing to do if he doesn't provide you with his gf's address? Are you willing to keep DD from him until he provides it? If not, and you are not worried about DD when she is at the new address (ESP if you can contact xh or dd when she is with him) then I would let it go. I would save the kicking and screaming for a bigger battle (if, for example, you found DD was around xh's kids). You were married to a liar and a slacker. He is not going to magically change into an honest and responsible guy because you divorced him! As for the life insurance, the next time you went to court I would get permission to take out a life insurance policy on him, pay the premiums, and roll the extra costs into the CS. If you want anything done with this guy, you will have to do it yourself.


    Funny - I have been wanting to tell him that since I divorced I have not magically lost my ability to tell when he's lying.  But I won't.  You're right. It's pointless.

    I did not know I could ask to take out the policy and roll it into his CS.  I LOVE that! 

    I love this one. 
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Save this for ammo. Next time XH lies to your face I would just tell him that you haven't lost the ability to tell when he's lying. He's so stupid.
    image
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Yep. I figured as much. 

    I think I'm going to wait and see how long it takes him to tell me. I can not wait to see how he handles Sunday. I pick up, so I'm betting he either tells me he'll bring DD to me, or he'll ask to meet me somewhere. 

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • agibbyagibby member
    Document and save for later. BM got married in March and never let DH know. SS told us after but so much for transparency lol. When we got engaged we let BM know pretty soon after that we would be getting married. DH moved in with me after marriage and let her know the address change right away. We just aren't into playing those games.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    I think I'm in the minority here, but here goes:

    I've been in your situation where BD moved and didn't tell me.  In our CO it says we are to notify each other within 14 days of moving.  When the kids told me he was in a different house, I sent him an email saying, "the kids said you have moved, and pursuant to the CO you are to provide me your new address within 14 days of moving.  If you do not provide me the new address I will seek relief from the Court."  He didn't provide it (basically told me to "f" off) so I filed contempt with the Court.  At the hearing he was ordered to give me the address and the Judge ordered supervised visits for 3 months (on DC's dollar).  As soon as the 3 months was up, DC moved to TN and when we went back to revisit the visitation schedule the Judge remembered the contempt charge and basically gave me whatever I wanted.

    I guess my point here is that each violation is a building block.  Your ex is an asshat, and I think you'll have plenty of contempt charges filed in no time.  Each of those contempt charges is a building block for you and if/when something major happens, you'll have plenty of documented ammo already filed with the Court to back you up.  If you let this go and don't need to go to Court for a year, a Judge is probably going to be like, "If you thought this was a big deal, why didn't you bring it up back when it happened?".
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Hmmm. That's a good point too jobalchak.

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    I agree with jobalchak. At least judges in my area see it that way. If something is a big deal you need to address it. If you don't address it you may not be able to use it in the future or if you are able to use it then it may not carry as much weight.

    I would send a simple e-mail. "Hey XH, it has come to my attention that you've moved. I'd appreciate it if you could send me your new address as required by the court order. Thanks!" Short and straight to the point. If he doesn't respond or tell you his new address you could get more serious about threatening legal action.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I asked him what time I should come get DD.  He said he would bring her to town.  I said so, what's the plan in two weeks, are we going to set some sort of standard where you pick her up and I drop her off EOWE or are we going to do this willy nilly every time?  Because I'd really like to have a set plan and schedule."  He said we'd play it by ear every time, but he'll drop her off tomorrow.  I said, "My, that's very generous of you."  He asked if I said that to be mean and I said, "I just find it all funny. That's all." And I closed the conversation.  

    I am going to send him an email later this week and request per the CO that he give me the address. If he refuses, I'll file contempt on this and the life insurance.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    +just+j+ said:

    I asked him what time I should come get DD.  He said he would bring her to town.  I said so, what's the plan in two weeks, are we going to set some sort of standard where you pick her up and I drop her off EOWE or are we going to do this willy nilly every time?  Because I'd really like to have a set plan and schedule."  He said we'd play it by ear every time, but he'll drop her off tomorrow.  I said, "My, that's very generous of you."  He asked if I said that to be mean and I said, "I just find it all funny. That's all." And I closed the conversation.  

    I am going to send him an email later this week and request per the CO that he give me the address. If he refuses, I'll file contempt on this and the life insurance.


    =; =;
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    I guess I'm becoming a passive aggressive bitch lately. I would say, "Oh, I'll just pick DD up at your new place this time. You and GF live in xyz house, right?" Of course, do some digging and find out where the house is first.

    Then when he starts with the excuses and cover ups, just give him your look and say, "You know, at least those x years of being married to you taught me how to spot a lie and a liar from a mile away." And then leave it at that as you walk away/hang up the phone/whatever.

    I like having the last word. Sorry. I'm becoming petty when it comes to these games as time goes on.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Eh, I thought about that, but it comes of stalker-ish.  Have I looked into it and do I know where they live? Yep.  But doing detective work and confronting them with personal information is another.   I'd be creeped out if his ex did that to us when we were married.

    I am however, tempted to give his aunt and mom his new address.  He refuses to give it to them.  That way they can harass him. His aunt is nice. I don't have issue with her, but it would make me laugh because I'm pretty sure he gave him mom my last address so that she could send DD a Highlights subscription. 

    I'm sitting back on this a little bit. I may even wait until next month.  We'll see, but I am going to do something about it.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Yes, it does come off stalkerish, but then again... sometimes some people just need to feel like someone is watching them all the time. I acknowledge these are not ok thoughts. And I probably would not act on them myself... I am more bark than I am bite.
    [-O<
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    they will know in good time that they have been "found out". I'm going to allow another month to pass. Because I do not know how long they've been living together so I want to "give XH time" to tell me. Which he won't. I'll let him play his stupid game,make notes, and then I'll ask him I know, I have known, and please provide your address. Enclosed in that note to him, I'll include the CO page that states we are to keep each other notified. If he does not tell me in the time given, I'll say, "Okay. I tried. Thank you for your answer." and then I'll file contempt and go after the insurance as well. No discussion. No argument. I'm just going to file contempt and when the paper work is ready, personally hand it to him. Tonite, hand off went well. I met him at the building's front door and goodbyes were short and sweet. He acted like no argument took place. He's good at pretending. DD said some interesting things. tonite she told me she wore her boots. I said, "Oh! daddy said he got you boots! do you love them? She says really clearly, "NO! R gave 'em too me!" I said, "Daddy didn't get them?" and again she says insistentlym "NO! R!" I said,"Oh, okay. That sure was nice of R. Do you love them?" She did of course. She also showed me her pumpkin and the little ghost she got and I oooohed and aaaahed over that too and she said R gave them to her. This is not the first time shes said R gave her things. Now, she's only three, so I know she could be confused but she's also said too when XH gives her things. However, that's rare. I think it's very nice of R to do, but it's very telling to me that XH is telling me ahead of giving DD these things that HE bought them. Again, lies. No surprise. I was the one to buy all of XSD's things too. Typical XH trying to present himself as Father of the Year. I'm over his crap. Time to start putting my money where my mouth is and do something.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    sorry I had paragraphs. My ipad doesn't seem to want to leave them in there.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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