Edited

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

Its been fun! Best of luck to everyone

cedenton · September 2013

Um, I microwave bottles/cups to warm up milk for DS. I shake it up and test it first to make sure it's not too hot or it's warm enough.

Now, I would be really annoyed about them not following their own policies and I would bring it up just like you did, but...broke your trust? Crying?

That seems a bit of an overreaction.

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

Removed

cedenton · September 2013

JerseyBride11 said:

reason I am so upset is they were basically lying to my face while i was in there with DD while they were "looking" for where it could be. There are 3 teachers in there and all were present when I asked the question. One of them put it in the microwave but wasnt fessing up. They are watching my 1 year old daughter, not fixing my car. I give them specific instructions on what to feed her etc. How do I know what they are telling me or are writing on her sheet is true? The milk thing bothers me for 3 reasons, 1---i don't want her consuming food that was in plastic heated in the microwave, 2--if its not heated evenly it could burn her, 3---they aren't following policy and 'pretended' that they didn't know where the bottle was which is lying as far as I am concerned.

I think you're absolutely right to be upset that they lied to your face and you did the right thing by going to the director. I also hope you explained to her WHY you were upset (being lied to and making you distrustful). But, I still don't think it's worth crying over and I don't think it means they're ignoring all your other instructions. Most people, when confronted with doing something wrong, will try to get out of it. I swear it's instinctual. It sounds like you have a lot of working mom guilt and this brought it to the surface. I hope things work out and everybody gets back on good terms.

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

Removed

Megispreg · September 2013

You didn't actually confirm it was her bottle in the microwave, right? You just caught a glance of something that might have been her bottle? Maybe they really didn't know where it was. I would have made sure it was in the microwave before going to the director.

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

CourtandNate said:

I am a working mom that carries A LOT of guilt for my LO being in daycare. I am also quite specific with her care while there. She has been in three separate daycares (not for any reason other than I had to move her as I was opening new branches for work) and here is what I have learned... The Daycare she is in now is my favorite. They do break my rules. I am not for giving DD juice...she's had it there. I have never been particularly happy with some of the rules they stretch or even break however all of the teachers there LOVE my baby. I have stopped by unannounced, for lunch, early from work.. it never matters. They are giving her every ounce of attention and affection I could ask for. The other centers she had been in followed my instructions to a tee, but it was very much like fixing a car..they followed the exact steps to care for her as I expected.

My long explanation leads me to this point: if you love your daycare and your LO does well take a deep breath and make a mental note. You could change centers and be less happy with your choice. Don't burn the bridge of those that care for your LO. Just think (well at least with my DH family...) grandparents probably do way worse and break more rules, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because DD is so loved.

Great response and good point, I am still waiting to hear back from the director and am interested to see how they will address this, but I specifically voiced that concern to her when I mentioned what happened. They watch my daughter for 8 hours a day. I don't want them to be annoyed that I 'told' on them or for there to be any weirdness. (easier said than done). I couldn't NOT say something to her though. I don't want her bottles being warmed that way and they should be following policy.

When she was in the previous infant room I felt so much warmth and love for her from them. Since she's moved over (the last 3 months), I feel like they are taking good care of her but don't get the same extremely warm vibe I got from her other teacher. I know that if I move her elsewhere I may never be as thrilled again. Her original teacher was OUTSTANDING. At the end of the day, DD does always seem happy when I pick her up or stop in for lunch, so they must be doing something right

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

Megispreg said:
You didn't actually confirm it was her bottle in the microwave, right? You just caught a glance of something that might have been her bottle? Maybe they really didn't know where it was. I would have made sure it was in the microwave before going to the director.

Or, maybe the early person did it and left? Maybe the other teachers didn't know or approve so weren't going under the bus for their CW? As long as you shake it, a microwaved bottle should be fine.

I agree they should follow the rules but you have to remember people aren't infallible. Rolling through a stop sign when you clearly see no one for miles around is not the same as blatantly running a red light while texting. KWIM? Both are wrong but the latter is worse.

It doesn't make it right or invalidate your feelings. Stil, it's a breech that probably won't break your child. Maybe they had had a crappy day and were just trying to get through.

You did the right thing talking to the director and she will probably chew them out.

austenfan919 · September 2013

Megispreg said:

You didn't actually confirm it was her bottle in the microwave, right? You just caught a glance of something that might have been her bottle? Maybe they really didn't know where it was. I would have made sure it was in the microwave before going to the director.

I agree. I think while they were looking for the bottle, I would have said, "Hey, I think I see something in the microwave, can you check?" Then you would have had all the info before you saw the director.

I understand being upset if you were lied to, I just don't see how you could be sure that you were lied to. I hope it all works out ok.

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

austenfan919 said:

Megispreg said:

You didn't actually confirm it was her bottle in the microwave, right? You just caught a glance of something that might have been her bottle? Maybe they really didn't know where it was. I would have made sure it was in the microwave before going to the director.

I agree. I think while they were looking for the bottle, I would have said, "Hey, I think I see something in the microwave, can you check?" Then you would have had all the info before you saw the director.

I understand being upset if you were lied to, I just don't see how you could be sure that you were lied to. I hope it all works out ok.

While I was looking for it with them, I didn't see it in the microwave. I saw it a little while later when I was put dd down for a nap. It caught my eye and it clicked. I was going to say "you wouldn't heat it in the microwave would you?" but I hesitated since i didn't want a confrontation with them and know you are 'supposed to discuss' concerns with the director and not teachers directly. I'm 99% sure it was her bottle in there which is why I told the director immediately. SHe went into the room as soon as I left and when I called to follow up, she said she was waiting on the 3rd teacher's take on the whole thing before she discussed. I'm pretty sure she confirmed it was in there, otherwise she would have told me when I called. I guess Ill know for sure when I speak with her again.

Sorry if you all think I'm a crazy mom that overeacts. I'm the first to admit that I have major working mom guilt and something like this is always going to bring that out

austenfan919 · September 2013

JerseyBride11 said:

austenfan919 said:

Megispreg said:

You didn't actually confirm it was her bottle in the microwave, right? You just caught a glance of something that might have been her bottle? Maybe they really didn't know where it was. I would have made sure it was in the microwave before going to the director.

I agree. I think while they were looking for the bottle, I would have said, "Hey, I think I see something in the microwave, can you check?" Then you would have had all the info before you saw the director.

I understand being upset if you were lied to, I just don't see how you could be sure that you were lied to. I hope it all works out ok.

While I was looking for it with them, I didn't see it in the microwave. I saw it a little while later when I was put dd down for a nap. It caught my eye and it clicked. I was going to say "you wouldn't heat it in the microwave would you?" but I hesitated since i didn't want a confrontation with them and know you are 'supposed to discuss' concerns with the director and not teachers directly. I'm 99% sure it was her bottle in there which is why I told the director immediately. SHe went into the room as soon as I left and when I called to follow up, she said she was waiting on the 3rd teacher's take on the whole thing before she discussed. I'm pretty sure she confirmed it was in there, otherwise she would have told me when I called. I guess Ill know for sure when I speak with her again.

Sorry if you all think I'm a crazy mom that overeacts. I'm the first to admit that I have major working mom guilt and something like this is always going to bring that out

Gotcha. I think you could have just asked at that point if they had checked the microwave without it being an accusation, but I understand wanting to avoid a confrontation. I don't think you are crazy. I just would prefer not to go to the director without all the info in a case like that.

jodegaard · September 2013

Why do you visit everyday at lunch?

JerseyBride11 · September 2013

It was in the microwave. Teacher got talked to and i spoke with her in person. She was understanding as to why i was upset. Teacher is getting written up and all teachers are getting retrained on policies

katiejo1216 · September 2013

My DS isn't in daycare but I know myself well enough to know that this would tick me off. People do make mistakes but I'm guessing this wasn't a one time only, throw a bottle in the microwave out of nowhere deal. Some people may think it is overreacting but when it comes to my kid I don't really care what other people think. If you wouldn't have said anything you would have regretted it.

A bottle in the microwave isn't the end of the world but you do have a right to know that policies and procedures are being followed. And also, I am emotional and get irrationally overprotective of my kid so I completely get the wanting to cry part.

The key now is just trusting that they corrected the issue and followed protocol to address the issue. Don't let this incident ruin your impression of the daycare as a whole.

shakinros · September 2013

also down on the side of overreaction. Your daughter is happy and has been for a year? Microwaved bottles are not a big deal. You said something, great, they won't do it again. Maybe try talking with the teachers next time Instead of assuming they're colluding against you. There will always be a next time of people doing things differently than you would: they're not all out to harm your kid.

katiejo1216 · September 2013

I think that in several day care centers it is against the law to heat bottles in the microwave (depends on the state). You could check with licensing law but if that is a habit they have, you may have saved them a correction order if their licensor came in for a visit. I would much rather get approached by a parent for this mistake than someone who could write up a correction order that would sit on my license.

I don't care how people heat their bottles at home but centers are held to certain standards. And I imagine that the same people who are laid back about it would be in an uproar if somehow your child's mouth was burned by a daycare worker that didn't check the temperature before providing it to your child. Sure, they are not out to intentionally harm your child, but laws and policies are put in place to protect the kids from intentional AND unintentional harm.

mindymaske · September 2013

situation- is it irritating? yes
is it a big deal? nope

MommyMelRN · September 2013

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I would have freaked out too, and for all the same reasons. It sounds like it was handled well by the director though, and you did the right thing.

Toni79 · September 2013

katiejo1216 said:

I don't care how people heat their bottles at home but centers are held to certain standards. And I imagine that the same people who are laid back about it would be in an uproar if somehow your child's mouth was burned by a daycare worker that didn't check the temperature before providing it to your child. Sure, they are not out to intentionally harm your child, but laws and policies are put in place to protect the kids from intentional AND unintentional harm.

This exactly.

I don't think you did anything wrong. They have policies for the kids safety. You obviously choose this center based on several factors, inclluding the safety policies they "sold" you on. Its not like you had crazy odd demands and asked them to do something outside of thier normal duties. These are THEIR policies, not YOURS. From a "business perspective", you are paying them an agreed upon amount for a set of agreed tasks (including their safety policies).

But as PPs mentioned, people do make mistakes. I'm sure we've all taken a short cut in our life that maybe wasn't the best idea.

I totally understand you being upset and crying. I'm also a working mom who carries ALOT of guilt. And I cry over much smaller stuff then this! This morning I dropped DD off at the sitters (something DH normally does). And as soon as I got in my car I started to cry. Not sure what set me off. But if we could swing it, I'd be a SAHM!

millerhomelife · September 2013

CourtandNate said:

I am a working mom that carries A LOT of guilt for my LO being in daycare. I am also quite specific with her care while there. She has been in three separate daycares (not for any reason other than I had to move her as I was opening new branches for work) and here is what I have learned... The Daycare she is in now is my favorite. They do break my rules. I am not for giving DD juice...she's had it there. I have never been particularly happy with some of the rules they stretch or even break however all of the teachers there LOVE my baby. I have stopped by unannounced, for lunch, early from work.. it never matters. They are giving her every ounce of attention and affection I could ask for. The other centers she had been in followed my instructions to a tee, but it was very much like fixing a car..they followed the exact steps to care for her as I expected.
My long explanation leads me to this point: if you love your daycare and your LO does well take a deep breath and make a mental note. You could change centers and be less happy with your choice. Don't burn the bridge of those that care for your LO. Just think (well at least with my DH family...) grandparents probably do way worse and break more rules, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because DD is so loved.

LOVE your final point.

AmySmolos · September 2013

A day late but I would have been upset to. It's the principle of not following the procedures. If they aren't following this what else are they neglecting to. Trusting strangers with your child is hard. They should be held to the highest standards.

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