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October 2013 Moms
lolob45
member
WWYD - Holidays with LO
lolob45
member
Hubby's family lives in Nor Cal and we're in So Cal; our holiday tradition is to see each family for the holidays - one for Thanksgiving and the other for Xmas and the following year we switch and do the reverse. This year is unique b/c last year was thrown off when my grandfather passed away the day before Thanksgiving so everything had to change at the last minute and we only ended up spending 3 days before Xmas with my hubby's family. And this year will be unique because of the baby - I don't feel comfortable flying with her when she is only 6 weeks old, plus our Xmas card pics will be that Saturday (can't be rescheduled). My mom has offered to have hubby's parents and brother come down here so we don't get the stink eye from them (his mom is insanely irrational and emotional). So, that leaves us with Xmas where I don't feel as uncomfortable flying BUT we run into the issue of not really having a place to stay. His parents are living with his grandparents b/c they are planning to move in 2014, all of his aunts, uncles, cousins have recently downsized plus its not necessarily fair to crash with them during the holidays because they have their own traditions, parties, etc. So, we'd need to get a hotel (at $200/nt) & a rental car which or sleep on an air mattress some place at his grandparents house. Between flights and hotel we would be looking at spending at least $1k which is insane and quite honestly I don't know how we can afford it along with our other holiday expenses and my limited pay. If we go we'd go the Saturday before Xmas and fly back the night of Xmas eve to split the holiday with my family - we'd want to maximize the trip since realistically we may not be able to visit again until next summer.
I'm just curious what you all would do (or perhaps done if you're a stm) .... I don't even know if it's rational to travel with a newborn at 10 wks especially during cold/flu season, and how doable it would be to sleep on an air mattress while breastfeeding. Plus, I would feel really awkward not having a private place to breastfeed (I don't feel comfortable doing it in front of hubbys dad and grandpa). It would literally be a full house. It all seems like a huge inconvenience and I hate to say that but we don't have the best relationship with his family so every time we go there it's a lot of work. BUT I know how challenging it's going to be for me to take time off after Dec when I return from m/a and my hubby did make a comment about feeling guilty if his extended family (grandparents, aunt/uncles, cousins) doesn't get to meet LO until she is 6+mo old. His mother, especially, will make a huge issue out of it if I don't visit while i'm still on m/a.
Side note: Driving for us is kind of out of the question as it'll be at least a 10 hour drive with breastfeeding and ultimately requires hubby to take more time off of work which is hard in and of itself, so no matter what we do we would need to fly and lug EVERYTHING with us. Flights are really cheap right now ($150 round trip per person) so i'm really struggling with a decision and I know we need to make one very soon before they jump up)
ADDED: my mom has put her foot down and doesn't want them here for Xmas (she hosts) - my mother in law is ALOT of work - and she only okay'd Thanksgiving because she knows how I feel traveling with a 6wk old and doesn't want the added stress of my MIL. They would also be staying in a hotel b/c we don't have an extra bedroom .... or my parents would have to offer to let them sleep there, which my mom now refuses to do after multiple past experiences gone horribly wrong.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD - Holidays with LO
You can't always please everyone, and people are likely to be upset that they won't get to see the baby for Christmas, but that's not your problem.
I think if we didnt have a place to stay that id feel comforable in I wouldn't do it however.
We are flying when LO will be 6-8 weeks, but I know it's not for everyone. Most of my Mom friends did the same and all thought it was way easier then when they were older.
I would suggest either having the holidays at your house or not going at all.
I think it just comes down to all the factors you mentioned: can you afford it? do you want to travel with a young infant? do you want to spend the holidays with these people?
Honestly, DH and I were the ones in our families who always traveled to everyone else. And we both come from divorced families, so that meant at least 4 sets of families to see. When we started our own family, that ended. I no longer feel obligated to take long trips to people who don't reciprocate. We try to see as many people as we can when we do travel, but we can't afford to please everyone.
I say do what you are comfortable with and can afford. Family *should* be understanding. I hope it works out for all of you!
Otherwise, I don't see why you can't go.
We will be driving from Sac to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving. For Christmas we are driving from Sac to LA with a fifth wheel. It will definitely not take us 10 hours and that will be with our newborn a 4 year old and a 2.5 year old.
It all honesty it sounds like you don't want to go and so you are puttting up roadblocks. Just don't go and deal with the fallout of your MiL.
Eleanor 9.30.13
Don't get me wrong, we still go to the US once every other year but our priorities have shifted which makes people show up or shut up. Sounds like you need to do something similar.
If you don't want to go, don't go and don't stress about it. Trust me, if they want to see their grandchild, they will come to you. I personally wouldn't travel with one that young in a car or plane. I did it with DS1 for a car trip when he was 8 weeks old, and while the trip was somewhat enjoyable, the car ride was not. He also came down with a horrible cold while we were out of town and I hated not being close to my pediatrician.