Baby shower for your second?

AriaAmante143 · September 2013

I'm a FTM so this isn't about me, but I'm curious to hear if this is just a thing for my crazy extended family or if other places in the US do this.

I have two cousins that had babies two years ago, so we had a full on baby showers for them. Last year Cousin 1 got pregnant with her 2nd. Her first was a boy, and 2nd was a girl, so her mom threw her a "sprinkle", which was just basically buying her girl clothes and girly things since all she had was stuff for her son. That one made sense to me.

Cousin 2 is now pregnant with her second. Her first was a girl, new baby will also be a girl. Her mom is throwing a SECOND shower for her. Keep in mind, her daughter is TWO, so everything she has is fairly new. WHY would you need another shower when you already have a girl? I was always brought up to believe that you get one shower, for your first child, which helps you with all the big ticket items the you can use for future children, but you don't get a shower for EVERY kid you have.

Am I crazy, or is my family just nuts???

lalaith50 · September 2013

I don't agree with it in the second case, and I think it's a little gift-grabby (but isn't that what showers are?) I think people just shouldn't go as a way to express their disapproval.

hvhoward · September 2013

I've seen sprinkles for second + babies before. It's not that common in this area though. They usually are very toned down, low key get togethers with small presents (clothes, small toys). They're nothing like the big baby showers.

StephBrim24 · September 2013

If someone wants to throw a "sprinkle" for a STM who is having a child of the opposite gender from the first, I think that's fine. Should a STM expect or request one? No. Should there be a full shower in any case? Nope. I think it's taking advantage of those friends and family to support you having another child. That second case you mentioned is a little nutty and selfish.

AriaAmante143 · September 2013

hvhoward said:
I've seen sprinkles for second + babies before. It's not that common in this area though. They usually are very toned down, low key get togethers with small presents (clothes, small toys). They're nothing like the big baby showers.

I was OK with the sprinkle, because the new baby was a different gender. I thought it was weird she made a registry for it, but it was mostly for girly nursery decor. But what could you possibly need if you're having a second girl???

TradeMama · September 2013

I think second showers are tacky no matter the circumstances.

ceh789 · September 2013

I kinda don't get 'sprinkles' because in my experience they're for the VERY close circle of family/friends and if someone VERY close to me is having a baby I don't need a scheduled event or a registry to buy them a gift, I'm just going to get them a gift. That said if they wanted a sprinkle and someone was throwing them one, I'd go. But keep in mind - these are like, my sisters (blood and/or chosen) I'm talking about - I'd show up if they asked me to buy their Pampered Chef shit, move them to a new house or even clean their bathroom.

If I were invited to a second shower or sprinkle for someone who wasn't very close to me I'd just decline the invitation.

AriaAmante143 · September 2013

OK I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks this is nutso. Also, like someone else said, sprinkles aren't common here, hers was literally the first and only I've ever been to.

I think my sister and I will respectfully decline. If she wants gifts, I'll buy her a girly outfit for Christmas or something LOL

jbelle · September 2013

"Sprinkles" in my area are smaller celebrations held by friends of the mother-to-be. Usually, it's a bit of a surprise (no registry, mom may have an inkling, but she's not part of the planning) and very casual (i.e. we're already getting together for dinner, no invitations are sent, we don't technically call them anything).

After the first baby, family of the mother-to-be no longer host, sponsor, or even really attend (save maybe a sister or SIL) "sprinkles" near me (but maybe I shouldn't use that word--because we don't!).

At least in my mind, no matter the # baby, it's totally fine and lovely for friends who are so inclined decide, on their own, to shower an expectant mother with gifts, but after the first, it's in rather poor taste for the mother's family (extended family included) to be a part of encouraging, planning, or potentially even attending such an event.

matthewmegan · September 2013

I can see both sides (I'm a STM). I've hosted one sprinkle, but it was very small and was for two mothers-to-be at the same time. My thought was, what will baby #2 think when that page of their baby book is blank? (I'm also a 2nd child). One mother new she was having a 2nd girl, the other didn't know they gender. They got diapers, ointments, onesies, bath soap, etc. It was more of an excuse to get together and we just threw in gifts b/c it's fun to buy for babies.

As far as the original example, in the mother's defense, it would be hard to throw 2 showers for one daughter and only one shower for the 2nd. It would look like favortism (in my opinion). The regsitries and a full on showers are a bit much, but I definitely understand the being fair part of it.

Right now, I don't think I will be having a second shower or sprinkle. I'll be honored if someone offers to throw one, but I'm really just expecting a cake in the breakroom at work one day and nothing more.

jwls84 · September 2013

I don't believe in a second shower for a second child, unless maybe there is a huge age difference or it is the first child for your partner and your second.
A sprinkle is different, but I really think this depends on where you live.

Nickiechan · September 2013

I am a STM and my MIL was already planning the decorations...

I told her that I don't really feel we need one, but she says "Aww why not..." I'm not stopping her if she wants to throw me another one, but we have most of the items already. The only thing I could think of in regards of gifts would be clothing if we have a girl. She always has been a party planner type and is a SAHW.... so she has all the time in the world.

dannie2011 · September 2013

I grew up where you get one shower. Just because you call it a sprinkle it is still a shower. People will still look at it as a shower. Changing the name doesn't change what most ppl think of it.

Now that I don't live in back home and moved to the South, my idea of only one shower has changed. They throw showers for every baby here. It is still weird for me but I have no choice in the matter. Even I really tried to avoid it but I was pretty much told too bad, and we are doing it regardless.

One thing I have notice since I am an older mom is that what we used to see as proper etiquette is out the window. I think the days of proper etiquette are numbered. People using facebook to send out B-day E-vites, no thank you letters being written, just thank you emails, and so much more.

Times are changing, go with it.

SmittyPants · September 2013

TradeMama said:

I think second showers are tacky no matter the circumstances.

Agreed.

JAck5209 · September 2013

I agree with @matthewmegan . My friends are talking about throwing a small party for us and maybe chipping in for our double stroller. I would never ask for this but they really want an excuse to throw a party. Registering for a second child is really tacky. Save your crap people!

Zombielove126 · September 2013

What if there's a 9 year age gap and you thought you were done? I'm definitely not tacky enough to ask any of my friends to do it, or to throw one for myself. But I'll definitely admit I'm secretly hoping someone offers to give me one. Lol. Am I terrible?

rubylovebug · September 2013

TradeMama said:

I think second showers are tacky no matter the circumstances.

Pretty much this. They're not common where I'm from & I think it would seem very gift grabby, whether you're calling it a sprinkle or a shower. More power to people where it's more common, but if I got invited to one, I'd definitely not be a fan.

Excitedmum35 · September 2013

Zombielove126 said:
What if there's a 9 year age gap and you thought you were done? I'm definitely not tacky enough to ask any of my friends to do it, or to throw one for myself. But I'll definitely admit I'm secretly hoping someone offers to give me one. Lol. Am I terrible?

No I am thinking the same. My DS will be six by the time the baby comes, the only thing I have from when he was a baby is the cot and a couple if toys.
We have had some fairly traumatic family circumstances involving my teenage daughter and we were resigned to the fact that we wouldn't be able to have any more babies because of that.
I am hoping for a baby shower cos I want to celebrate this gorgeous baby! But in Australia I don't think we buy huge gifts for any baby shower.
If just like to celebrate how brilliant it is that we are having this baby!

babylimas · September 2013

I don't like second showers, but I live in a very traditionally southern area. Etiquette is strict. We'll be doing a sip and see after the baby gets here.

bumpuser9058414 · September 2013

Zombielove126 said:

What if there's a 9 year age gap and you thought you were done? I'm definitely not tacky enough to ask any of my friends to do it, or to throw one for myself. But I'll definitely admit I'm secretly hoping someone offers to give me one. Lol. Am I terrible?

I'm sort of with you. We have very limited space and when DD was almost 4, we were really in a place that we didn't think we'd have any more. So I cleaned house, gave most of the stuff to friends, chucked some gross stuff. DD and this LO will be 5.5 years apart. I'm counting mostly on hand me downs from friends and of course buying things here and there. I will not say one word about a sprinkle but if someone wants to throw me a small one, I won't complain.

TradeMama · September 2013

Showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood. Even with an age gap, this was accomplished with the first shower.

jbelle · September 2013

Zombielove126 said:

What if there's a 9 year age gap and you thought you were done? I'm definitely not tacky enough to ask any of my friends to do it, or to throw one for myself. But I'll definitely admit I'm secretly hoping someone offers to give me one. Lol. Am I terrible?

FWIW, this is my opinion on the matter:

I think the key aspect of a shower is the selfless, generous desire of our friends and family to prepare one for a life-changing event: setting up a home, welcoming a child.

Whether it's your 1st kid or your 5th, no one gets to "expect" have a baby shower. It's completely up to the hosts if there is a shower (save if they offer and the recipient declines). So if your friends want to throw you a shower for your upcoming birth (1st, 2nd, 3rd, or more!), more power to them.

I believe it's good to know the etiquette and the reasons for that etiquette so that we are as considerate as we can be of other people, their time, and their resources. But I don't think rules can't be bent or even broken.

PeytonEliMama · September 2013

I felt awkward having a shower for my first, simply because I hate "asking" people to give me gifts, especially if they are not close family/friends. Therefore, I would never even consider having a "sprinkle." I purposely got gender neutral gear, so all of the big stuff can be reused regardless of whether #2 is a boy or girl, which basically leaves clothes. I have plenty from my daughter if this one is a girl, and if it is a boy then I have some stuff left-over from my nephew, and will simply buy the rest.

AriaAmante143 · September 2013

PeytonEliMama said:
I felt awkward having a shower for my first, simply because I hate "asking" people to give me gifts, especially if they are not close family/friends. Therefore, I would never even consider having a "sprinkle." I purposely got gender neutral gear, so all of the big stuff can be reused regardless of whether #2 is a boy or girl, which basically leaves clothes. I have plenty from my daughter if this one is a girl, and if it is a boy then I have some stuff left-over from my nephew, and will simply buy the rest.
</blockquote

I've never understood gender specific strollers, car seats etc. maybe if you 100% knew you were "one and done", but if you decide to register for a hot pink car seat and then decide to have a second child, it's no ones responsibility to get you another one.

Kristen61607 · September 2013

ah no. Even if this one is a boy, I'm done having showers. I got lucky that I had twins first and got LOTS of stuff!!!!

kimberpoo · September 2013

I have a very large extended family on DH's side that are very close, and I don't remember ever going to a shower for any child but a first. I live in the Midwest, so maybe that is the tradition around here. I know I would feel gift grabby if my family were to throw me a shower for a second child. Having a small family party to celebrate the pregnancy would be nice, and I know the mom/MIL and close family would probably buy some cute little onesies or something, but I don't think I would want a 2nd shower or even a sprinkle.

AriaAmante143 · September 2013

kimberpoo said:
I have a very large extended family on DH's side that are very close, and I don't remember ever going to a shower for any child but a first. I live in the Midwest, so maybe that is the tradition around here. I know I would feel gift grabby if my family were to throw me a shower for a second child. Having a small family party to celebrate the pregnancy would be nice, and I know the mom/MIL and close family would probably buy some cute little onesies or something, but I don't think I would want a 2nd shower or even a sprinkle.

I live in the Midwest too...so I guess it's just my extended family is weird and gift-grabby!!

. This side of my family is the ONLY people I've known to do this.

SurpriseAt39 · September 2013

I had a shower for my first....12 years ago.

We didn't expect to have more kids.

We divorced a few years ago.

New relationship, and failed contraceptive resulted in a baby.

New MIL threw a full-on shower. I told her there shouldn't be a shower because I was not a new mom. And DH has a 19 year old. She ignored my thoughts and had one anyway. I knew NO ONE there as she only invited HER friends. It was very awkward for me.

My father's new girlfriend also threw me one. I have about 20 aunts and 100 cousins. She invited 3 aunts that aren't even on my favourite's list. Again, not fun.

I think one is enough. It shouldn't really matter what the age gap is or if the 2nd baby is opposite sex of the 1st. .

A gathering (non-shower) after baby is born would be different. (And for this, I would specify 'no gifts', even though I suspect some people wouldn't be able to resist)

parenthood4 · September 2013

Well, it looks like I'm in the minority, but I really don't have a problem with second showers. I see it as a celebration of the pregnancy and baby, not a way to get stuff. I don't care about presents, but I don't want tocelebrate this baby any less than I did my first.

Also, I will definitely register for this baby, boy or girl. Even if no on gets us anything from it (which is fine) we definitely have things we need to buy, and I want the completion code! I don't want others to thinkI'm selfish, but I l'm not passing up a discount! We will need things like a double stroller, another crib, crib mattress, etc.

So even though I'm in the minority, I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents

ClaireBear90 · September 2013

You're not crazy at all. If someone threw me a surprise shower/sprinkle for this baby, I would be horrified/embarrassed. If they offered, I would politely decline.

The only reason I could see having a shower for a second baby would be if there was no shower for the first. Even then it's a bit awkward at best.

TDeneeS · September 2013

I feel that baby showers are for first baby only. If you wanna have a celebration for a second/ third or more child, then just invite close friends over for like a diaper party. The only exception is if it's been 5 or more years between children.

nickied143 · September 2013

Well, we are having a second shower...my son is 9 years old, almost 10 by the time LO is born. And this is my husbands first child. He shouldn't have to miss out because I already have a child from another relationship, a decade earlier. And as far as baby stuff goes, we have none, zip, zero. My husbands family is determined that they throw us a shower. And considering our circumstances, I don't think it's all that terrible. It does feel weird, but, whatcha gonna do.

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · September 2013

I'm a FTM, so it's hard for me to say....but my sister-in-law is having her second (first was a boy, second is also a boy) and she's doing a sprinkle. Personally I don't think it's a big deal.....it's a new life coming into the world, so who cares if she wants to have a little celebration. And the people she's inviting are close friends + family who will give her gifts regardless, so I don't think it's because she's feeling gift grabby. I think she just wants her bump and new baby on the way to be the center of attention for the day

This is also coming from someone who was given three showers when I got married, and there are already two showers being planned for me with this baby. (nothing I asked for.....I'm just very loved

) I will say this though......it isn't something that should be expected. I'm not expecting anyone to throw me a shower, even with this being my first time around. If someone offers or just wants to do it, that's another story.

stader · September 2013

This is my 2nd baby and the ladies at work said they want to do a lunchtime potluck thing and will get me small things like diapers, wipes, ointment, cute outfits, etc. Not sure if that's a sprinkle or not but just a fun excuse to have a nice time at work. And they didn't know me when I had my first.

Mrs.N.H. · September 2013

Where I'm from you have a baby shower got kid #1 or kid #5. But they are not about gifts they are about celebrating the new baby. They are also co-Ed and more like a big bash birthday party than a women's only let's sit and open presents kinda party.

Gifts are always welcome, but you don't have to bring one. Also most people don't register. If guests don't know what to bring they ask the hostess for suggestions.

Maddeegal · September 2013

I don't think there is anything wrong with them, except when the babies are super close together, if you are having "Irish," twins there is no way, it is ridiculous; however, my mom told me about how you DON'T do two showers. I'm obviously not doing another and can't say I care that way either. I don't love the shower scene it is very boring. So my opinion is I don't really care either way.

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