Christening/Baptism???

Melissa72777 · September 2013

I am Catholic and my husband is Methodist. Neither of us practice our religion. We were unsure if we would have our baby baptized or christened since neither of us are practicing and didn't really know which way to go. We figured why have a whole ceremony welcoming a child to a faith that we don't really believe in or practice? Why not let the child learn about religions as he/she grows and determine on their own if they want to join a certain faith? Of course this didn't go over to well with our parents and of course my parents are saying to baptize the baby in the catholic church and his parents are saying Methodist. Again neither of our parents are currently practicing either but for some reason this is a big issue for them. Has anyone had a similar situation?

babylimas · September 2013

Yes. Our 3 year old still isn't christened or baptized. We regularly attend a Methodist church, but the Catholic baptism is a huge deal for our extended family and my H still relates as Catholic. We have just avoided the issue, which is probably not the best way to handle things.

PeytonEliMama · September 2013

Like you, I am baptized Catholic and my husband claims to be Methodist (I say claims because I don't think he really knows). Neither of us are super religious, but my parents have always been practicing Catholics and sent me to Catholic school for 12 years. My MIL was also baptized Catholic, but that is it. For my husband and I, it was not a huge priority to get our daughter baptized, but my parents were quite adamant about it so we finally did it to appease them. My daughter was about 18 months old when we finally baptized her. We will probably be more diligent this time around, if only to avoid the constant nagging about getting baby #2 baptized.

I know this is not quite the same situation as you are in (my ILs did not care one way or the other), but I thought I would share.

KariB509 · September 2013

I was baptized Catholic and my husband is Baptist. Like you and your DH, neither one of us actively practice either religion. However, for me it was important that DS was baptized. It's not that I think he'd go to hell if he weren't baptized but I was taught that it's more about thanking God for their birth and saying you'll make a commitment to education them. DS (and LO) can choose any religion when they're older but I think having at least a foundation, one religion they're familiar with, is a good idea. Since I feel a bit more passionately about being Catholic than DH does about being Baptist, we agreed to go the Catholic route.
I think you and your DH need to decide what YOU want for your LO and not make a decision based on what your parents what you to do. Do you want your LO having some sort of religious foundation? Do a little research on what baptism or christening really mean and make your decision based on that and what you want for your child. GL!

chapel2012 · September 2013

DH and I were just discussing this very thing the other day. He is a non practicing, non religious, Catholic and I am pretty much nothing. I grew up with very hard core religious parents who are still this way today, so I am very turned off to religion.

I want my child to grow up a free thinker, to believe in doing right from wrong, and having morals, not because some unseen force says that if they don't believe in them, then they are going to hell and burn even though they may have been a wonderful human being.

We won't be baptizing or christening or taking them to church.

When they get older they can explore their spirituality, hopefully with the knowledge that the universe is what it is, and that many religions have wonderful outlooks, and beautiful messages, but that it doesn't mean you have to lose yourself and your mind to it.

bunniekrissy · September 2013

We haven't had our almost 2-year old baptized. My parents are Christian and attend church regularly, but they never commented on our lack of baptizing E. We recently started attending church again, so I'm not sure, we may have E and the new baby baptized, we have not yet decided.

Shein14 · September 2013

We aren't having our baptized either. My husband and I are not religious at all. His parents and my grandparents are religious. My grandmother tried to force religion on me which turns me off even more. We are going to let our family bring our child to church with them if the really want to.

I think a child should be able to see all sides of religion. I won't be forcing anything on my child.

linzerd · September 2013

I suppose I am in a similar situation. Well not really that similar I guess. I'm agnostic. He's atheist. The only reason I will baptize my child is to not insult my grandmother because I love her too much and I don't want her to be sad about it. After my grandfather died I used to stay over with her and go to church on Sundays and I made my profession of faith in her church and so on, I was 11 when he died and probably 13 or 14 when I stopped going to youth group. Later on, I got into the real world and discovered that faith is just not something I can wrap my head around, and frankly, I think the bible is a load of crap.
This is a conversation I will never have with my grandmother, she is 95 and there's no need to disappoint her.
So it's not like we have different denominations arguing, but if we do choose to do it it is solely to appease and not upset others wishes.

Shobb414 · September 2013

I was baptized Methodist and do not practice, my husband is catholic and went to catholic school through hs, I was just trying to decide what we would do as well!
We weren't married in a church or anything so idk what to do .

JayNina · September 2013

We did not baptize DD as a baby, when she (hopefully) accepts Christ as her Savior, baptism will be after that. We did do a baby dedication to say that we will raise her in church and to love God. We will be doing the same with this LO.

BrideNamedMeg · September 2013

DD and DS were baptized Catholic, but DH and I have really moved away from the church in the past few years and aren't sure if we will baptize this baby. I kind of feel like we should just because the other two are, but we only go to church on holidays if we're with my family and organized religion no longer plays a large part in our lives.

So no advice

just commiserating!

EveM83 · September 2013

We're technically both Catholic. He's a believer, me less so. He really wants baby to be christened and I'm ok with that. Think it's mainly because we live in Ireland and 90% of people are christened, so we don't want our baby to feel left out or have a tough time at school (almost all elementary schools are religiously affiliated here). To me, there's really no downside to getting your baby christened, they can still change their mind when they're older.

Sanibel21 · September 2013

This has actually kept me up at night even before we were pregnant! I'm non practicing Catholic. DH is nothing. His mom in born again Christian and he is very turned off by religion. I believe in a God/Higher Power and I appreciate this gift of a child but I don't want to lie and sin up for something that says ongoing to guide them in Catholicism when I probably won't. But my experience with Catholicism has left me fearful of not doing it. It's so confusing.

Momstheword83 · September 2013

I'm not a religious person so my DS and this baby will not be baptized. I'm leaving it up to my children to what they want to believe in and practice.

wearebirds · September 2013

DH was never baptized, and I was baptized catholic. We go to a Methodist church (when we can) and this LO will be baptized in our Methodist church because we love it there. DH doesn't really see a point to it since he grew up with very little religion but its important to me.

I say do what's important to you and your DH. Not what your families want.

MA&CB · September 2013

We were both raised Catholic and are both atheists now. For us, baptizing was not an option, it would feel very false. My mom and grandmother are practicing and devout Catholics, and this was hard on them, but it's not a decision I would make to please others. My mom asked me how he would learn to be a good person, learn morals - I pointed out that I am a good, moral person, that my father who was not religious and did not attend church with us was a good, moral person, and that being baptized or going to Church had nothing to do with raising a good and moral child, that that's my job as his parent. We never talked about it again, and I'm sure it's still hard for her, but I'm not committing him or myself to something that I don't believe in and have no intention of following through with.

justifyyourlove · June 2014

It's interesting I came across this thread after I posted elsewhere. My mom insists baptizing our new baby but my husband and I decided to wait until she's older to discuss it with her. Now, my mom seems so bitter with me and is not even talking around us when she's helping with the baby. I talked with her before about feedback being fine but would like to keep certain decisions between my husband and myself. I know she means well but insists, "There is a God and I won't talk with anyone who doesn't believe in him". This is the same mother who forces me to love my brother who emotionally and mentally abused me even when I was pregnant.

ntdane · June 2014

Family is so much fun when it comes to this. Prior to having the babies my grandmother decided she would call a pastor 45 minutes away from me and give him my contact information to try getting the babies baptized at that church. She doesn't care for the fact that DH is catholic and we're Lutheran. We are religious and we do intend to have them baptized, just as DS1 is. We just wanted to put thought into what we were doing. Add all the craziness of twins, trying to coordinate schedules to get all of the sponsors here from 3 different states on the same day....yeah, not scheduled yet.

OP, you need to do what you and your SO think is right for your child and your family will just have to deal with it.

erind0213 · June 2014

My family doesn't mind either way. DH's family is catholic and I converted prior to us getting married.

DH's family has been asking us weekly if we have finalized any plans on the baptism. We have informed them that would require us going to church and regaining good standing and take at least 6 months from the time we start back.

I am getting more and more snarky with my responses when they ask, and am almost the point were we are going to tell them we are going to do a combo 1st bday/baptism or that we won't baptize and leave it up to him when he is ready.

Just do what you prefer and you feel is right. If its not something you are into, tell them since you are not practicing, and neither are they, you are going to wait and see what the child wants.

pepperedmoth · June 2014

My denomination (Quaker) doesn't baptize at all, but I'm a 'cradle Catholic' and had some (very slight) family pressure to baptize, so I hear ya.

I think it's very disrespectful to any religion to go through one of its most sacred rituals without really "meaning" it.

So in your shoes I would not baptize, and I would explain it to your family exactly like that: you don't want to disrespect their religion by going through the ritual any less than whole-heartedly. That's kinda hard to argue with.

Say that you feel baptism involves a promise on the parents part to raise the child in the faith (because it does) and then give an example from your family life of how that's unlikely to happen: "We don't even go to church on Christmas!"

If they try to argue that it's important to go through the motions, tell them you disagree; that the ritual is meaningless that way.

If they try to tell you that your baby is in peril of hellfire, they have a really cruddy theology, but try not to punch them and say you don't believe God works like that.

If they say that children need to be raised with faith , depending on your mood you could either say " just like you raised us?" or you could say, "I'm happy to have you talk to LO about your beliefs when she's a little older. And we will be sure to teach her right from wrong."

If they keep pushing tell them that you've made your choice and that their pushing is now becoming disrespectful of YOU. Then walk away from the conversation.

GL!

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