Oh, DH...

IBackBevo · September 2013

My husband was very disappointed to hear that a couple doesn't typically have a baby shower for their second child...especially since our LO is only 1. He said he wants to have a party in honor of baby anyway even if it is just a get-together. He didn't come to the shower for number 1 and felt left out. I proposed a gender reveal party. Any other ideas?

blazinangel1702 · September 2013

I think it's called a sip and see? Have a party after baby is born to introduce baby to everyone an celebrate then?

jfletcher3113 · September 2013

I think a gender reveal party is a great idea!

You can always do a "sip and see" after the baby is born, if you're willing to do something after. My cousin did not want a shower for her baby (I still don't know why) but she had the whole family over after the baby was born and we still showered her with all kinds of fun baby stuff.

chargers32 · September 2013

I'm thinking of having a gender reveal party but idk it feels showy to me... i will pralie have a cake made so dh,me, an the kiddos can find out just bc its fun, but inviting friends an fam idk...

Miles2Go · September 2013

I did a gender reveal party. Mostly it was just a dinner party with my nearest and dearest and then OH HERE eat this pink cake.

As a generalization, TB on the whole loves to flame gender reveal parties, second showers, and sprinkles.

You know your friends. If they would
Want to celebrate with you, great, have a party. But don't ask for gifts.

Turn4Cindy · September 2013

What if the second is a different gender!? A shower for clothes and consumables! (Diapers, wipes, etc!) haha.

Amandalynn1243 · September 2013

My sister-in-law just had her second baby and we had a "sprinkle" for her. Much smaller then her first shower, about 25 people at a family members house. Nothing fancy, but enough that baby wasn't left out

deanna1313 · September 2013

I saw one on Pinterest that was an invite and said "baby (add last name) is brewing! Come for beer..." I thought this was cute because dad's love the beer theme. I love gender reveals, too.

MMason12 · September 2013

I am not a fan of second showers or sprinkles. It isn't your friends and family's job or responsibility to provide anything for your new baby, even if it is a different gender. That is one reason that regardless of the gender for our baby we are buying all of the major items and plenty of clothes in gender neutral colors.

The whole point of a shower is to shower the Mother and welcome her into Motherhood. You are already a Mom therefore shouldn't have a shower. The shower has nothing to do with the baby and when it the last time you ever heard a second, third, fourth, etc child say, "Mom you don't love me because you didn't have a shower before I was born!" Trust me, none of your kids will know or care regardless of their birth order if you had a shower.

As for a gender reveal party. I think something small with your family and maybe best friends is fine, but I don't agree with having huge parties that are basically showers.

I would suggest a sip n' see after the baby is born. That way everyone gets to meet your new little one in person!

IBackBevo · September 2013

Thanks for the ideas! I love the "Baby is Brewing" idea.

And, honestly, I really don't care if I get "flamed" on TB for doing something with my close friends and family that makes us happy.

runningyogimama · September 2013

I'm also on the side of NO showers after your first baby, because the shower is to shower the mother with gifts to welcome her to motherhood. It's not for the baby.

I'm of the opinion that gender reveals are, if you insist on one, only for close family, maybe a best friend. A phone call or text to everyone else is plenty.

I think people would feel obligated to brig gifts to a sip n see or meet the baby or whatever, and I, for one, would not be up for that many people shortly after baby arrives.

getitdone · September 2013

My mom always says - every baby should be celebrated. I was her third child and her neighbors and all of their little girls (that were my sisters age), just did a little something for her. All of the girls made my mom cards and my mom put them in my baby book.

gina2433 · September 2013

I say do whatever makes you happy. If your husband wants a shower, have one. You already have the big items from first baby so you really just need/want fun stuff. I'm not expecting my friends to offer but I'm sure my big family will want a shower. Not a sprinkle a big ole family shower

IBackBevo · September 2013

That is ok. No one usually comes to our parties besides family and close friends anyway.

I actually agree a sip and see right after baby is born would be a bit much. I love the baby is brewing idea...especially since DH felt left out of the shower. We have a heated pool so beer and bbq abput April would be fun.

brides plans · September 2013

I just did a sprinkle for my best friend! I think you should celebrate every baby

but you could throw a diaper party for your DH. And I definitely want to do a gender reveal party! It's so fun to find out with everyone!! With our first we didn't find out and the best part was telling everyone "it's a girl!"

Marcella05 · September 2013

My sister-in-law did a gender reveal party, nothing fancy. You could even get a cake that's dyed pink or blue and hold the news until you cut the cake. A tasty, fun way to let the cat out of the bag.

chargers32 · September 2013

I think a shower for each kid is completely fine. I don't see it as expecting people to provide for my kod what i can't. I think people who view like that are think about money to much,but whatev.
I think calling it a sprinkle is silly. I also think saying a shower is for the mom not the baby is hilarious bc the gifts are for the baby correct? Pretty sure i dont fit in a onesie, lmao
I know people have kids everyday, but I don't, i only have 2kids so far and you better believe theh are the most important thing to me so if i want to celebrate them and or do a gender reveal for them i will and if yoy dont care fine obv i care about whats goin on in my friends lives and i wld be thrilled to go to their events.
Babys are a miracle they are not a nuisance that just means more money and if thats how you see it I feel sad that you are missing it

CookingStar · September 2013

Of course you need to celebrate the second pregnancy- invite some people and have some fun! Gender reveal party is a good idea but Id prefer probably a party further along

Storrmys · September 2013

I'm really hoping to celebrate this baby with a shower or something... I also don't see a problem with a party. Considering I haven't been pregnant in 21 years is cause for celebration all on it own. So do what makes you happy friends will just be happy for you !

cnk459 · September 2013

we had quite a few baby showers for #1 (we had several people who wanted to give them to us: both of our workplaces, another was family only and one was our couple friends (it was co ed and really just a BBQ party where everyone told us we were out of our minds.. in good fun.. we were the first of our friends to have kids) and then after that, we had a party at our home (which we hosted/planned/paid for) for each of our subsequent kids following their Christening. (by then the friends who thought we were nuts all had kids of their own! LOL!!)

No gifts were expected or accepted after the first one. We actually included a line in the invite that said something like (sorry, too lazy to go get the albums with the invites) "We are so blessed with the gift of {baby name} we only ask for your presence. If you'd like to gift [first name of baby] please offer a donation to [our local women/children's shelter].

We raised over $1500 for the shelter. That felt really, really good.

But, in regards to the OP, I personally dislike showers/sprinkles/whatevers after #1 are not really necessary or appropriate. But I also think that after marriage #1 (regardless of circumstance).. you don't get another "bridal shower".

Call me old fashioned. I'm okay with that.

Tootistar22 · September 2013

I have no issue with having another shower. I know several who have had "celebrations" for their other babies. I went to one recently that was a "Diaper & Wipes" shower. The mother was having her second boy, so didn't need any clothes or bottles. If people have hang ups about giving gifts, shame on them.

I think your DH is sweet for wanting to have a shower!

runningyogimama · September 2013

chargers32 said:
I also think saying a shower is for the mom not the baby is hilarious bc the gifts are for the baby correct? Pretty sure i dont fit in a onesie, lmao

The definition of a baby shower is to "shower" the mother-to-be with gifts ...to welcome her to motherhood. The gifts are to help the parents out. If you are already a mother, you don't get another shower.

Yes, babies are precious, but I'm not going to make all of these people who just bought me baby presents for #1 buy me another present for #2...and that makes me sad? Or that I'm celebrating a new life any less?

lovelylauren86 · September 2013

In my circle we have showers for every babie! Showers are thrown by people who volunteer to throw them. No you should not ask someone to host one for you but if someone wants to do it I say let them!

akifyre · September 2013

Pfft, I have been to several second child baby showers. They are fun and necessary. Have your party, its your pregnancy! Necessary because, well lets say the first one was a boy, and the second one was a girl. Or Lets say that the first batch of clothing is too spoiled to use. Or you just want to celebrate.

This discussion reminds me of my best friends two baby showers. She's Puerto Rican, he is Hatian... ohhh their babys are beautiful! Anyways, they know how to throw a party. Dancing, DJ, ohhh yummy food! Traditional Baby Shower games! There is a tradition of making a hat for the mama to be out of the bows and ribbons that have wrapped the prezzies and a paper plate.

Oh and they were a completely COED Family affair. Never understood keeping the men out of the fun in anycase.

Anyways, moral of that story is, that every one had a great time. They had ALOT of people there.

@JmeJme I think if you ask those people, you will find they are most likely wanting to celebrate with you. Always love a good party.

IBackBevo · September 2013

To he clear, if we do any sort of party for # 2, it will be just to celebrate him or her. I love the idea of including a line in the invites as pp suggested saying no gifts or donate to a shelter.

One thing I will say is that I regret having had a women only shower for number 1...of course I didn't plan it so that was part of the reason. My brother just had a couples shower and it was way better. I didn't think dh would care about going to the shower, but in hindsight he was bummed he was not included.

Unknown · September 2013

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IBackBevo · September 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

IBackBevo said:

To he clear, if we do any sort of party for # 2, it will be just to celebrate him or her. I love the idea of including a line in the invites as pp suggested saying no gifts or donate to a shelter.

One thing I will say is that I regret having had a women only shower for number 1...of course I didn't plan it so that was part of the reason. My brother just had a couples shower and it was way better. I didn't think dh would care about going to the shower, but in hindsight he was bummed he was not included.

FWIW, you should never mention anything about gifts on an invitation, even if it's to say "no gifts" because then people will think you expected gifts. Also, requesting your guests donate to a charity of your choice puts them awkward position as well. If you are specifically doing a drive for that charity that's one thing but don't throw yourself a baby shower and then disguise it as a charity for something else. People will likely feel obligated to buy a gift and donate as well. Ick.

My response:
Did I say anything about throwing myself a baby shower anywhere in this thread? I don't think I did. And I am certainly not trying to "disguise" anything. I tried to make it clear in my OP and subsequent posts that I am not gift seeking. My DS was the first grandchild on both sides and we received more baby clothes and items than we could ever use with 5 kids. And even if we had not, I would not expect others to give gifts for 2 children in 2 years.

While I appreciate your etiquette advice (I really do), in my social circle it is perfectly acceptable to say: "No gifts please. The presence of your company is the only gift we request" or something similar. I hosted parties when my husband graduated from both medical school and residency and put something similar on the invites. Guess what? No one brought gifts either time. A few brought cards, but that was it. And most would have sent a card regardless of whether we had a party.

Edit: somehow on my mobile the block quotes got messed up and typo

Empireceo · September 2013

I'm firmly in the no showers for second babies camp. I think it's pretty gift-grabby and the reasons listed (it's a boy and I had a girl the first time! It's been X many years since I was pregnant, I have no baby stuff) are kind of greedy reasons. You decided to have a baby. It's not your family and friends' responsibility to provide for it.

And for the love of God, don't host your own baby shower.

IBackBevo · September 2013

No one said anything about hosting their own baby shower.

awc1986 · September 2013

i feel like the only person in the world who doesn't "get" baby showers. maybe its because i'm british and we don't really have them here. people generally buy gifts for the baby when they're born rather than when the mother is pregnant. i didn't have a hen party though before i got married. i figured that the party would be my wedding day and i wasn't bothered about my "last night of freedom". i'd already been with him for 7 years! maybe i just don't like fun.

akifyre · September 2013

Interesting replies. I was listing reasons why people would find them necessary. As for the bolded, my preggo brain refuses to remind me why I thought it was necessary, since the whole statement was cut off. I figure it was a mistake there and move on.

The baby showers I was talking of was more of a great celebration of togetherness and bringing a new child into the families lives. The gifts were secondary, if not lower on the list. They were great fun and if someone throws me a baby shower, I would hope they would plan it for in that manner.

I respect your opinions on this of course. We are all different people and have had different experiences and different traditions in our family and friend circles. I find every possibility to be charming and would not ever think badly of someone for wanting to follow them.

I for one plan on attending any baby shower someone invites me to and I have never had the thought that they were being greedy or lazy.

Liz4444 · September 2013

You all are what, 5 minutes pregnant? How about waiting until you are out of 1st tri to worry about this type of trivial nonsense?

MommyDay2be · September 2013

@akifyre I agree. I love baby showers! I love getting people gifts. I know a lot of people will disagree with this statement but I don't see why people think showers are only a one time thing. That's like saying its tacky to throw your child a birthday party each year.. I mean geez, how greedy of me to invite F&F to a party to celebrate another year of his life each year.. I guess propriety dictates that I shouldn't expect people to inconvenience themselves to come have cake EVERY year! Lol.. It's silly.

But every community has different traditions. My F&F love getting together and helping one another. So having a shower is a fun and welcome event!

targetchick · September 2013

so how do you react to people throwing a shower without your knowledge for a baby after #1? I don't want one, but I have a feeling my boyfriend's mother is going to do it anyway... I never had a shower for any of my 3. but I've definitely seen friends have them for every baby. to each their own I suppose.

vivere_ridere_amore · September 2013

I think this is a very personal and maybe even cultural thing. Around here people have showers for first babies but the do put in cards of where they are registered for both baby showers and weddings. I personally got roped into a wedding shower MIL basically made me do it. I hate being the center of attention and when your fiancee comes from a family with 13 aunts and uncles and 60 something odd cousins who you have to invite and you've never met it is a little awkward. So I made it clear from the beginning I was not doing that with baby. I know it's not all about the gifts but we had every thing we needed in hand me downs and bought what we didn't have. I think if it's offered and you want to do it you should. There may be people in your own group of friends who find it tacky but you can't please everyone.

eghulse · September 2013

If someone wants to throw a baby shower, no matter what number baby it is for the mom, I'm not going to say, "no, don't throw a party to celebrate a new baby." I feel like that is just as rude. We already have a party when the baby is blessed at church, if people bring gifts great, if not, great. I think the whole shower vs. sprinkle vs. sip n see debate for subsequent babies debate is ridiculous.

FishNchips1 · September 2013

We had a sprinkle. But it was a surprise from my family. Nothing big. Some clothes and diapers.

noice247 · October 2013

I definitely think you should have another shower. ALL babies are important and I think if you have a good relationship with your family and friends then they will be just as excited to show up and share in the excitement of your new little one!

blazinangel1702 · October 2013

So I thought my husband and I had the same understanding that we wouldn't be having a baby shower this time around, and he totally shot my theory. I said something about starting to get the crib and stuff after Christmas and he looked at me like I was dumb and said aren't we having a shower? I said no, we don't get one this time plus how are we going to have a baby shower across the country from everyone we know. Fruitcake. I don't know what happen. I'm fine with buying what we need or want on our own, and I'm sure my mom will be sending a ton of stuff since she's so excited, but I guess we'll find out after this weekend when we announce the pregnancy.

blessings1 · October 2013

I didn't do anything special for my first two- so I'm thinking a gender reveal party around Christmas would be great!!!

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