Do I need an attitude adjustment?

alyshamarie007 · September 2013

I am 35 weeks pregnant and am having my 2nd baby shower this weekend with my hubby's family. Last weekend, I drove to my hometown for my first shower that my side of the family put on. My mom wants to come to this baby shower as well and planned on staying at my house along with my dad and little sister, which is fine with me. At last minute my mom told me that my grandma would like to come with them since she hadn't seen our new house yet. The problem is that my grandma has hip problems and needs a place to sleep and our guest room does not yet have a full size bed, just an air mattress. So I offered to give up my bed and have my hubby and I sleep in the guest room. While this isn't ideal for me, considering I have enough discomfort at night, I wanted to accommodate since I was glad they wanted to come to this shower.

My mom then tells me they will be coming early Friday (she has a job interview since they are in the process of moving nearby) and my grandma, sister, and dad need a place to hang out during the day and wants to know if I can leave my house unlocked (my hubby and I both work full time during the day). I am kinda weird about people being at my house when I am not there and I kinda wanted to be the one to give my grandma the "introduction to our new house", but oh well, I said it was fine.

Then I find out that on Friday night, their plans to have dinner with my brother & sister & law changed, since my grandma most likely will not be able to climb the 3 flights of stairs to their apartment. So my brother & sister in law along with their 2 small children will be coming over to our house for dinner (my hubby and I had planned to have a date night). They are bringing all the supplies; however, they are coming over before my hubby and I are even home. We will basically walk in to a house full of people and little children running around (our house isn't baby proofed yet). Right now I am so overwhelmed & exhausted with working full time and being so far into my pregnancy that this completely overwhelms me. I would love to host everyone, but just wish it was at a time when I could properly prepare. At the same time I feel guilty for feeling this way and wonder if I am being hormonal & crazy?

I am just wondering if I need an attitude adjustment or if this is an expected way to feel (from people who know what I am going through)?

Thanks for letting me vent!

deedee1017 · September 2013

I get where it seems overwhelming, but at least they are bringing the supplies and (I assume) making dinner? It may be a little crazy and hectic, but it might not be as bad as you think. It doesn't seem like you have to do much hosting. They are your family and it seems like they may have the idea that at this point it may be a bit much for you (which is why they are making themselves at home and "helping themselves"). I agree it's a bit much to now bring the kids, grandma, brother, and everyone else, but try to keep an open mind. It's family, what can you do?

I totally get how you feel and you have every right to feel that way, but just go with it. I personally would not feel comfortable telling my mom, grandma and brother that they aren't welcomed in my home.

As a final note, look at the bright side. You'll get alone time with DH after the shower when you can go through all your gifts together and recap. The day after the shower you will still have lots of stuff everywhere and you'll much prefer to eat out than cook, so have your date night then.

Lastly, have a wonderful time at your shower!

germanpickle · September 2013

I totally understand how overwhelmed you are feeling! I also feel overwhelmed when people plan things and then "ask" me but not really. I don't have a suggestion - I just wanted to say that I am empathetic.

Alexandrap · September 2013

I think that would overwhelm me too. Do you think you could talk to your mom about it? Maybe instead of having them make dinner at your house everyone goes to a local restaurant.

It is your family after all so it may not end up being that bad. You will come home to a house full of people BUT you get to come home to great meal that you didn't have to cook either. Your brother, SIL and the two kids will only be there for a few hours so the amount of people will only be temporary and that just leaves the original guests.

alyshamarie007 · September 2013

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback! Normally I would have no issue at all with something like this...I guess I just don't feel like myself right now

. I plan on just going with it and hoping for some quiet time on Sunday to recover.

knottied2a666e3e38a2a87 · September 2013

It does sound overwhelming, and maybe this isn't what you want to hear at all, but I am so jealous that you get to have family around during this special time. DH and I live states away from any of the family members you mentioned, so no baby showers, no family-prepared meals, no who-is-going-to-sleep-where issues -- I miss my family a lot and wish I had these problems. Sounds like Christmas! Try to enjoy your last days of pregnancy with your loved ones

jennlin · September 2013

yes, definitely overwhelming, and i wouldn't be happy with it either, but i'd just let it be. it works the best for the family.

Crinita · September 2013

For me it would totally depend on whether they are going to clean up after themselves. If they did not, I think it would be extremely rude.

bnikiz · September 2013

What! Yes that wouldnt fly with me. They should go to a restaurant if they dont want to have dinner at their place. Sounds like they are helping them selves to a little too much

msronzio · September 2013

I would be overwhelmed having to sleep somewhere else and having the children, but for the most part I'm with @cjrobbin. I live in PA, my closest family other than my mom is Chicago, then California and Nevada

I can understand why you're frustrated though if you are. Plans just seem to keep changing and becoming more unaccomodating for you, and it's your house! Luckily you still have time to have a date night with YH later on. I'd say it's ok to be annoyed about all of this, but at least they aren't pulling all of this shit around the time when the baby is expected, haha!

ksimo6 · September 2013

Totally overwhelming. Pull the pregnancy card and let them know that you're NOT on clean up duty! Sit and put your feet up girl. Working and baby baking is exhausting enough! I told my husband 2 weeks ago (I'm 36 weeks today) that I am no longer hosting anything until after this child is in the world. Don't invite anyone over! So you're not alone!

JenMatt2010 · September 2013

I really hope you can get comfy on an air mattress, that sounds miserable to me right about now

Also I don't even know the last time i cleaned my house properly, so I hope yours is in better shape than mine! Good luck! Hopefully it will be fun to have them all around and they'll all pitch in and help so you can relax!

kjenkins346 · September 2013

I do think they are being pretty inconsiderate towards you but since you have agreed and just let things continue to snowball I'm not sure what you can do about it now. Sounds like you had a couple chances to speak up for yourself every time the plans changed and became even more inconvenient for you.

IMO, sleeping on an air mattress 1 night for grandma, okay not ideal when pg but I'd put up with it.

Leaving your house unlocked because they need a place to hang out? Nope, that's what the mall is for.

A whole crowd of people invading your house to make dinner while you and DH aren't home? Hell no, if grandma can't make it up the stairs then they should have changed plans to have everyone meet at a restaurant, not just assume they can take over your house and make a mess of things.

If it was me (and I probably wouldn't have let things progress this far because I'm pretty familiar with the word "No") I would push back about hosting dinner at your home, regardless if someone else is bringing the supplies and cooking. Just let them know you don't feel up to hosting a family dinner (pull the pg card) and that they will have to make other arrangements or have a family meal at a local restaurant instead.

tracysailer · September 2013

kjenkins346 said:

I do think they are being pretty inconsiderate towards you but since you have agreed and just let things continue to snowball I'm not sure what you can do about it now. Sounds like you had a couple chances to speak up for yourself every time the plans changed and became even more inconvenient for you.

IMO, sleeping on an air mattress 1 night for grandma, okay not ideal when pg but I'd put up with it.

Leaving your house unlocked because they need a place to hang out? Nope, that's what the mall is for.

A whole crowd of people invading your house to make dinner while you and DH aren't home? Hell no, if grandma can't make it up the stairs then they should have changed plans to have everyone meet at a restaurant, not just assume they can take over your house and make a mess of things.

If it was me (and I probably wouldn't have let things progress this far because I'm pretty familiar with the word "No") I would push back about hosting dinner at your home, regardless if someone else is bringing the supplies and cooking. Just let them know you don't feel up to hosting a family dinner (pull the pg card) and that they will have to make other arrangements or have a family meal at a local restaurant instead.

Well said. I'm one of those people who has no issue telling people "NO!" when I need to. My sister in law and brother in law came to visit 2 weekends ago when I was 35 weeks. They were great and didn't expect some big entertainment, but I still felt like I couldn't enjoy it as much as I would have. I was so tired and didn't realize how exhausting having company is at this point.

DH's uncle keeps trying to come here with his wife right before the baby is born and he got a big fat "NO!" from both of us. He's the type that would take everyone to dinner while I was in labor. Then he would expect the hubby to leave me at the hospital saying something stupid like "oh it's her first, she'll be in labor for awhile, come out to dinner then nurses will take care of her" Seriously, he's almost that clueless!!

Sometimes you need to put your foot down because people just don't get it!

Arod1087 · September 2013

I hateeeeee when people cook at my house because they always leave a mess and I'm always cleaning it up!

Jenball717 · September 2013

I would be super annoyed that the plan kept changing and that the changes kept requiring more and more accommodations on my behalf. I'm a bitch like that.

tmccord21 · September 2013

I would totally be annoyed.

Wino0920 · September 2013

I walked into my house two nights ago and my mom, MIL, SIL and her kids were all in my house. They all have keys. My husband came home soon behind me. My mom was putting out dinner she bought, my MIL was emptying my dishwasher and cleaning and my SIL was helping. I was so happy all I had to do was put up my feet and eat!!!!! No one expects me to entertain so we had a nice visit.

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