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Bilingual families "how long are u going to keep doing this" kind of long

dedldedl member
in School-Aged Children
Talking to my mother (native english speaker) the other day about the Chinese heritage language school my son (5 years old) goes to and getting down the routine of back to a new school. He has been going to some form of language school as soon as he was old enough (mommy and me ect.). This was the first year he is really on his own in the classroom. So I was looking for support as I felt a little fish out of water feeling and the homework is too challenging for me to help him with as a Chinese language learner myself. I have to leave it up to my husband and his father to help him out. My mother's comment "how long are u going to keep doing this" threw me for a loop. "It is not like u are moving to China" at this point I was like omg do I know this woman. I always wanted my son to know as much of the language as he could reading, writing, and of corse speaking. My husband and his family speak two dialects. I want our son to be able to keep his own with them and of corse the added benefit of speaking a language that is the most spoken in the world can't be a bad skill to have. Would you be hurt if your mother or mil said this to u? Do you doubt your stamina to keep going in keeping up balancing the languages as your child enters the school years?
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Re: Bilingual families "how long are u going to keep doing this" kind of long

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    We just started Chinese school this year.  My DH's family does not live in the U.S. so we are at a huge disadvantage because they do not hear the language because DH does not talk to anyone except people at the Chinese restaurant using the language.  Our kids are taking Cantonese because we have no one that could help them with Mandarin because DH does not speak it.  I agreed to one year of school and will reassess every year with the goal of them knowing enough to speak it when we go back to visit Hong Kong again in 3 or 4 years. 

    I would just tell your Mom that you will continue it as long as it is beneficial to the kids.  I would state that knowing a second language is a huge benefit to kids and helps make kids smarter if done right and that all other countries teach kids more than one language.  And remind her that while it might not be her heritage it is the kids heritage.

    I am assuming your kids are doing Mandarin?  What state do you live in?  Those are just nosey questions since I do not know anyone who is teaching their kids Chinese.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • dedldedl member
    We live in nj....dh & fil who lives with us speak cantonese at home and @ the heritage school they speak mandarin. Dh was born in canton china Thanks for ur reply. Love ur dedication to your children's language learning
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  • neverblushedneverblushed member
    I would try not to let your mom's comments get under your skin.  The idea of bilingual education was something that was a little more "out there" when she was raising you, and she probably doesn't realize that it's a lot more mainstream these days.

    Stop complaining to her about the trouble you're having helping your son with his hw, and then you won't invite these types of comments from her.  If she insists on asking you about it or making comments, I'd say, "Mom, I'm not sure how long we're going 'keep this up.'  The benefits of a bilingual education are widely recognized these days.  Our goal is to 'keep it up' for as long as we think is reasonable, or until our kids are comfortably bilingual.  I'm sure you don't have a problem with your grandchildren being well-educated, right?"
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Do you mind me asking where they go? My kids go to MCS.

    My DH grew up in England but lived in Hong Kong as a kid FIL is from HK but MIL is from Canton also.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • dedldedl member
    Huaxia plainsboro...not too far from you
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  • dedldedl member
    Before my mom was a good sounding board for things but this time I don't know what happened. Well I think I am going to use more caution when talking to her about things. Just wondering if anyone else ran into something similar.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I have a friend that made stupid comments when we were thinking about sending the kids. She is a teacher and genuinely thinks that being bilingual will hurt and not help. Whatever, in every other country in the world the smartest usually know the most languages. Like you said I know not to talk to her about it. My Mom does not say anything at all but I try to remind her how she wished her grandmother would have taught her Polish as a kid.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • dedldedl member
    -auntie- thanks for the reply. You have some really good questions.
    -auntie- said:
    What exactly is your mom's concern around this?
    Only my mother would really know the answer and I am scared to bring the topic back up.
    -auntie- said:
    Is it that she sees it as a burden for your child? Does she feel it somehow dismisses the heritage her side of the family brings to the party?
    The burden she might have felt was the fact that he has homework that has to be done and I have to make a schedule so it does. Anything worth doing usually takes some effort. I would hope she did not dismiss the heritage side.
    -auntie- said:
    I live in a community with a thriving Chinese Culture School; we also have active CCDs, Hebrew Schools, Scouts, 4-H and Greek School. And few hours a week devoted to learning about your family's language, culture, and values is seen as good parenting.
    My mother went to Ccd as well as piano lessons as a kid. I myself did not have many activities as we lived in a rural area. I did talk my mom into flute lessons when I was a teenager.
    -auntie- said:
    Early on, it's kind of preschool/playgroup atmosphere. Like a lot of adults who weren't exposed to another language until secondary school, she may assume this is all desks and rote instruction. 

    Does this activity take the entire day? Is she concerned that it interferes with her chance to see him or that it'll impact other more "typical" kid activities as he gets older?
    Early on it was all play group but now the do sit at desks but the also have story time and sing songs much like his k at public school but ofcourse since the school is in the high school the room is not decorated like a k classroom. We do stay at the school from the afternoon till dinner only because he has Kung fu (which my son loves) before his Chinese class. Every day he has been asking about going back to chinese school and he likes to show of his Kung fu to his friends at public school because he "needs" to practice. He likes demonstrating. At this time since chinese school is on Sunday, Saturday is free time a side from maybe catching up on some homework. My mom still works full time her schedule is usually very busy so most of the time we talk via phone. She is always welcome to visit when she can.
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