Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting
Parenting
New Discussion

I'm a fucking chump :(

ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
in Parenting
I know a lot of you know about my relationship troubles with my mom.  The list is long and major and my brother and I had cut her out of our lives for over a year.  In the last few months she started reaching out, trying to reconnect and I was really clear that I wouldn't tolerate the BS that led us to this place.  It took a while but eventually I agreed to let her come see the new baby and that visit went well.  Then we hung out again with the boys and Aiden really enjoyed it and she came to the zoo with us on Sunday.  We talk by email and on the phone occasionally.  Things will never be the same but I thought we were making progress.

Until today.  She brought up Christmas (fucking Christmas already!) and I made it clear that we won't be spending Christmas together this year.  Our relationship is in a rebuilding phase and special occasions bring out the worst in my mother and I won't have her ruin everyone's day.  We went back and forth and she accused me of punishing her and refusing to ever let anything go.  She doesn't accept that the shit she's done has forever changed our relationship, even if we're able to make the relationship better.  She said she refused to be the "bad grandmother who isn't allowed at Christmas" and that "I know where to find her if I ever want to talk."

I'm not upset about this for ME.  I'm upset that I let her get close to my son.  He asks about her, wants to call her and have her come over.  I should have known deep down that she will never be able to truly change and that the minute she doesn't get all of her demands met, she bails in some dramatic exit.  I'm pissed that I was dumb enough to let her in, even a little.
Formerly known as elmoali :)

image
Report Reply to Post

Re: I'm a fucking chump :(

  • aforstaforst member
    I'm sorry. :( It's so hard when the kids are involved. I hope she'll come around, but from what you've posted, it doesn't sound like its likely.
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    HilarityEnsued said:
    What did she want to talk about with Christmas? 

    I remember (a good bit of) your history with her (at least what you post on here).  So she just cut everything off like that?  What was she aiming to get out of the Christmas discussion?
    @HilarityEnsued  It started with her asking me to help her pick a gift for my brother (whose relationship with her is also bad).  He doesn't "do" Christmas gifts and I reminded her of that.  Then she wanted help picking one for DH, who she doesn't even like!  I told her that I thought this year we should not do gifts.  I said that we'd find a day to get together and do something Christmas-y and she responded "So, I'm not welcome on Christmas?"  It spiraled from there.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

    image
    Report Reply
  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    HilarityEnsued said:
    elmoali said:
      I said that we'd find a day to get together and do something Christmas-y and she responded "So, I'm not welcome on Christmas?"  It spiraled from there.
    That sucks.  It sounds like she was sort of manipulating/leading/fishing with the conversation in the first place.  Like she didn't have a way to blatantly ask about Christmas without starting shit so instead she couches it like she wants to buy gifts for people.  That's annoying.

    I'm already anxious about how we're going to handle Christmas this year with the varying sides of the family wanting to be there.
    Very possible.  She even had the nerve to tell me "I'm in no way harmful to your Christmas."  Um, except that drama follows you, you and DH can barely stand to look at each other and two Christmases ago when Aiden wouldn't hug you, you sneered at him and called him a weirdo and then told me, at the dinner table, that my green beans tasted like vomit.  Those are seriously minor offenses but who in the hell wants that to be the BEST case scenario for their Christmas?  Ugh
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

    image
    Report Reply
  • aforstaforst member
    elmoali said:


    HilarityEnsued said:


    elmoali said:
      I said that we'd find a day to get together and do something Christmas-y and she responded "So, I'm not welcome on Christmas?"  It spiraled from there.
    That sucks.  It sounds like she was sort of manipulating/leading/fishing with the conversation in the first place.  Like she didn't have a way to blatantly ask about Christmas without starting shit so instead she couches it like she wants to buy gifts for people.  That's annoying.

    I'm already anxious about how we're going to handle Christmas this year with the varying sides of the family wanting to be there.

    Very possible.  She even had the nerve to tell me "I'm in no way harmful to your Christmas."  Um, except that drama follows you, you and DH can barely stand to look at each other and two Christmases ago when Aiden wouldn't hug you, you sneered at him and called him a weirdo and then told me, at the dinner table, that my green beans tasted like vomit.  Those are seriously minor offenses but who in the hell wants that to be the BEST case scenario for their Christmas?
     Ugh

    Wow. Yeah...no. You even offered to get together another day!

    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
  • LaurelBeeLaurelBee member
    I'm sorry she weaseled her way back in and hurt you again. I would fall for it over and again too bc I can't stay mad at people. I will forgive, but never forget... It sounds like she is awful to you and your family! I think you're 100% right for keeping her at arms length and avoiding her on major holidays. If you do get in contact with her, practice saying this: XYZ is not up for discussion. Rinse repeat. Hugs
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    It takes a special amount of bitch to induce menstruation in another person. - LovelyRitaMeterMaid


    Rap Roller
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"