anyone else work long hours in NYC?

Re: anyone else work long hours in NYC?

• JillAly member

  January 2013

  I don't think it matters if you have childcare for 4 hours a day or 11 hours a day.  No matter how long you're away from your child, you're going to feel guilty.  So don't worry if other women made you feel bad - they feel guilt too!

   Many women with children work long hours and the kids turn out just fine.  You mentioned buying diapers on line, having someone clean, etc.  It sounds like you're already thinking about how to spend a lot of quality time with your baby and that you have your baby's best interest at heart.  Babies respond to that.

  I can't help with the breastfeeding/pumping issue because I had medical issues during/post delivery and couldn't breastfeed.  But there are plenty of women in my office who do it - frankly, I will say I see them struggle finding time and many stop after a time - (but we don't even return until 6 months) but some do the entire first year - it can be done.

  I don't quite work 11 hours a day but my kids were in daycare for 9 hours a day.  Now one is 5 and in kindergarten and he is well adjusted, smart (and very attached to me when not in school).  We live in the suburbs now and I commute to the city for work so I'm away from them about 10-11 hours a day.  My kids adjusted and are happy.  Is it ideal?  No, I'd love to be closer but I really do believe that if mom is happy, the kids know that and that is a good role model for them to see.  We spend a lot of time together on the weekends and I make sure I spend time with them each evening, read them stories, etc.  I also make sure I attend as many school events as possible- which is definitely hard as a working parent- but something I think kids remember. 

  Good luck!  It will work out ok.

   

   

  3 IUI's and 2 IVF's later- Brady arrived. Born at 36 weeks after PUPPS and pre-e/HELLP.
  IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
  
  
  
  

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• nymom1015 member

  January 2013

  Thank you so much! That made me feel much better!

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• crowdofstars member

  January 2013

  DanielleM1981, I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry to hear that women on another board were giving you a hard time. I think it is frequently difficult for parents who live outside NYC to understand the realities of NYC life. They don't understand the work culture, the ridiculously high cost of living, or the sacrifices/rewards that come with living/working/raising a family in this location. I too am lamenting that my hours will be longer than I would like after my maternity leave. For me, working part-time or not at all will not be an option (we need both salaries to live a very normal, middle-class existance here, and my field is demanding), but whatever your reason for going back to your job, whether out of preference or necessity, no one should be making you feel badly about it. Lucky for me, I have a lot of female friends in NYC who are working moms and have treaded this ground before me. They all say that it's extremely difficult in the beginning--that you miss your child like you wouldn't believe at first...but that it is also somewhat therapeutic to get back to your work and have an identity beyond just motherhood as well as a temporary break from its demands. Their kids are all great and very happy. It sounds like you will be doing all the right things to bond with your baby. Your level of concern about this alone tells me you will be a great mom and that your child will get everything that he or she needs from you.  

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• Dancerppf member

  February 2013

  It was difficult for me as well but my mom watches my daughter. I leave at 7am and return at 7pm. I have to pump at work, However as a Director I have my own office and flexibility to leave early if need be. If you can find child care that has live cameras for you to get a live feed of your child in care I'm sure that would ease some of your stress. Do they best you can that's all anyone can ask. It gets better but i'd be lying if I didn't say that the first 30 days are hard.

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• michellemikeliu member

  June 2013

  Hi DanielleM1981,

  I really relate to your situation and the messages from the other posters.  My husband and I live on the Upper East Side, and we both worked long unpredictable hours on nights and weekends as consultants. After taking exactly 12 weeks off for maternity leave (when my daughter was 3 months old), we hired a nanny on-the-books for 11 hours a day (plus overtime), because we needed to leave our apartment by 8 am and would get home at earliest by 7pm.

  Although I was happy back at work making money, I did worry about the nanny needing to spend so much time with our baby because we simply could not.  In fact, our nanny ended up spending the night several times, which eventually led to other problems with our nanny taking advantage of us and ignoring our baby to the point of danger (I later found out).  After about 4 months with the nanny, I lost my job, so it was the perfect time to let her go.  I still feel such guilt that before, I was "too busy" and didn't realize what the nanny was doing-- thank goodness our baby never got hurt.

  All of our family and friends (who are from the south) did not understand our New York City lifestyle, nor did they understand why we had to have a nanny (due to the daycare hours being so restrictive given our work schedules).

  Based on my experience, it's great that you are thinking of the diapers and groceries online.  By my calculation, buying from Diapers.com necessities such as diapers, wipes, etc. and (in my case) ready-to-feed formula was less expensive than buying from the store.  Other things such as hiring a cleaning woman were done occasionally-- our main concern was keeping our baby safe and protected, and all of the other things we worried about if we had time.

  Hang in there-- it does get easier, and babies do grow up so fast!

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• juc162 member

  September 2013

  Although I don't personally work right now, I can relate. My husband leaves at 7:30 in the morning and comes home earliest by 7:30 at night but usually between 7:45 and 8:30 and that's not including all the real estate work events he has to go to that don't get him home till 9 or 10. It's sad for him that he almost doesn't see our daughter during the week but maybe the nanny you get can text you pictures? I know my husband really enjoys that. He spends lots of time on the weekend with her though and you can tell they have a strong bond even through that interaction. I totally agree with one of the previous posters that people outside of New York City just don't get it, the time and sacrifice. Don't let them make you feel bad. Good luck to you mama.

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