Allow me to clear up something. I posted my story rather than no story at all, so people would not find it a little strange if I simply came here, said "Hey I am adopted and if you have any questions or are on the fence about adoption feel free to ask". It seems in doing so I gave a mixed message regardless. I thought my post would be a good idea, it seems I was wrong. I apologize, now it is gone.
Thanks for sharing your story. I think if you stick around you'll find there are other adoptees on here who can contribute as members of the adoption triad.
Being adopted does not mean you are qualified to offer adoptive parenting advice, or counsel on adoption itself.
While I do think that this post was a bit mis-guided (though well-intentioned), I have to say that I strongly disagree with this. The adoption community as a whole has a lot to learn some times, and I feel like the contributions of those who have been through it, and I mean actually lived their lives as adopted people, are incredibly important.
OP I do hope you will stick around and offer your thoughts as part of the regular conversations here.
Being adopted does not mean you are qualified to offer adoptive parenting advice, or counsel on adoption itself.
If adoptive parents, or biological parents, need advice they are advised to seek out professional as they are the ones who are qualified.
I can be a cranky-butt on here sometimes, sure. But about this I am absolute.
I never stated i was qualified and as for your message to me in private, I was only looking to share a friendly ear to someone or to answer a question someone maybe did not feel comfortable asking anywhere else. Again I was not looking to offer solid advice, as that is something that I agree should come from a pro. As for me sticking around, in all honesty this is not something I will be doing. This board has been nothing but stressful, either trying to seek advice or trying to offer a friendly ear or share a situation, which is something nobody deserves.
Ok I just didn't see OP offer parenting advice. I think it's fine for one person to offer answers to questions that are based on their experiences as an adoptee. I think that's very different from parenting advice. The post is gone so I can't reference it but I don't recall offers of parenting advice.
As an expectant birth mom, I would have loved to read the story of someone who has lived the life I've chosen for my daughter. I'm sad to see that it got deleted before I could. I think a few of us might have enjoyed reading it, especially from the positive perspective she seems to have. Thanks for sharing, anyway!
Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu
@mawinter Please don't go away. I did have the opportunity to read your post before you deleted it, and I don't think it was objectionable or offensive at all.
Sometimes as adoptive parents, we get a little defensive when new posters tell us that they were adopted as children. This is because they usually go on to tell us about how they struggled and if they believe that adoption is a good or bad thing based on their experiences. Many of us immediately start to feel that it's unjust to judge today's adoptions based on what happened 20 or more years ago, because adoption practices have changed so much.
Personally, I know without a doubt that my boys are better off having my husband and me as parents than aging out of the orphanage system, and that's the only thing that matters. Could they have lasting issues because they were raised in a new country and lost ties to their birth families/countries? Sure, but the way I see it, those issues pail in comparison to what they would have dealt with if we hadn't brought them home, so no one can convince me adoption is bad or wrong no matter what they say.
Your post was sort of the flip side of this. Rather then telling us that adoption is bad because it screwed up your life, you told us you support adoption because of the effect it had in your life. Given the hesitancy to listen to posters telling us the negatives, on the grounds that adoptions 20 years ago are incomparable to current ones, I guess I can see why some adoptive parents might bristle at your input, on the same grounds.
Personally, I think it's nice to hear success stories in all walks of life, and it was welcome and refreshing. I also think that your voice could be very valuable in future discussions, from the perspective of someone who's lived through the scenarios with which we'll be faced. Please don't go.
I think you can also provide perspective to the occasional poster who is looking to possibly search for/reconnect with birth family. You can share your experience in terms of how you conducted your search, what the results were, and some of the issues you dealt with along the way. While not every adoptee is going to have the same outcome, knowing that they are not alone can be very reassuring.
I am a birth mother who placed a baby girl for adoption. I think that people should be more respectful and open to other people's opinions. This is an ADOPTION board. Not a PAP and AP board. This is for all three different sides of adoption. I was adopted, and someday hope to adopt so I can be on all three sides, and I would love to hear other peoples experience with adoptions. I you dont like what the OP has to say then be polite and respectful and comment or just leave it alone and move on.
I didn't get to read your post before it was deleted either but, as a PAP, I like hearing about all adoption stories. I have family members who were adopted and I enjoy hearing how they feel about it now that they are adults. Every story is different but draw valuable information from any adoption story.
https://joshandkrisloveadoption.blogspot.com/
After talking a bit with someone in private messages and calming down some I have decided to stay. In addition I would really like to stay because me and DH have decided if we are unable to conceive #2 after a certain amount of time we will be seeking to adopt, so I can really learn a thing or two here from others who have adopted or are looking to adopt.
Re: DELETED
OP I do hope you will stick around and offer your thoughts as part of the regular conversations here.
As for me sticking around, in all honesty this is not something I will be doing. This board has been nothing but stressful, either trying to seek advice or trying to offer a friendly ear or share a situation, which is something nobody deserves.
I have to agree with Captain Serious.
I think you can also provide perspective to the occasional poster who is looking to possibly search for/reconnect with birth family. You can share your experience in terms of how you conducted your search, what the results were, and some of the issues you dealt with along the way. While not every adoptee is going to have the same outcome, knowing that they are not alone can be very reassuring.
This!