Desperately seeking hope & support:

AJC&Maggie · September 2013

Accidentally posted this on Ifveterans. Sorry. At any rate, still utterly desperate for support & hope: please tell me there is a possibility of a light at the end of this living nightmare.
I guess I am just having one of those days. I have my date for FET #2. I should be excited, but all I can do is cry. I hate this. I hate all of this! TTC now for 2.5 years. Nothing works. Why have faith? Why have hope? Did it take you multiple IVF/FET tries? Please God, help me get through this pain.

Mrs.AmyDylan · September 2013

IF is a dark, lonely, faith-shaking and hopeless place. Im so sorry you find yourself here. My IF journey was dark and scary. I was coming off the tracks psychologically and I was an emotional mess. It helped to talk to our pastor (but keep in mind not all churches embrace ART).

Even on the other side with a beautiful daughter I can't see the point of my suffering (some people find inner-strength in times of intense struggle, I have not at this point). I will tell you that when you do finally hold your very own tiny baby, it will be worth it 100 times. With success the pain didn't disappear, but has receded.

We were very fortunate to be successful on our first IVF, but a very good friend IRL had to do three fresh cycles to finally get her son. I suggest counciling (I wish I had gone to therapy). Also be sure to stay a team with YH. I know you are angry, frustrated, and so utterly crushed, but try to resist taking it out on him (no idea if you are, but I tend to do this, but we really stuck together through IF).

Hugs to you and I will pray for you. Your FET is scheduled near my anniversary

AJC&Maggie · September 2013

Wow, your message is so powerful! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words!

itsmevkb · September 2013

I've had a not so typical journey and found my biggest struggles in having my second child and after my two miscarriages. I got through it by having a plan, focusing on that and pushing forward. I'm an incredibly stubborn person which might have helped. In my heart I knew that I was going to have another child and I held onto that. That's not to say I didn't spend many days being angry or many drives to and from the doctor crying but I always returned to the plan and to my hope for another child.

Why have hope? Because hope is what will get you through. Hope is what keeps you pushing forward. Hope is what will get you where you are meant to be.

pantsarella · September 2013

We tried for 2 years before finding a RE, than a year after DH had a varicolectomy, before we went through IVF. Luckily it worked the first time, but I've had many friends (and friends of friends) for whom it took multiple cycles. It is worth it- DD is 8 weeks and has started laughing and smiling and it melts your heart and I wouldn't say I've forgotten what we had to go through to get here, but it hurts so much less.

TJ1979 · September 2013

Have you thought about counseling? Or maybe acupuncture to help with stress? I know a lot of people use acu in conjunction with fertility treatments. I can't say it any better than @Mrs.amydylan did. However, I will say that there have been a few positives (other than my miracle daughter) that have come out of my pain. 1) I have learned how strong I am - much stronger than I ever knew. 2) I have learned much more compassion for others - the compassion I wish I had gotten from others. 3) My marriage is amazing. IF takes a toll on relationships. And there were definitely struggles throughout our IF journey. But we made it through to the other side, and are stronger for it.
Also, like @itsmevkb said, it's all about hope. Never give up. Good luck to you.

AJC&Maggie · September 2013

I need to look into some counseling. Thank you all ::tear:: for your amazing words of encouragement! It really does mean the world to me during such a dark and depressing time. You all are the best! Thank you!

zazu13 · September 2013

I haven't technically found "success" yet, but you'll see from my sig, my journey has been a long one as well. Im so glad we didnt give up. Also my best friend had her twins at age 37 on FET #2. Hang in there!

kmc84 · September 2013

Big hugs to you!! Our sweet baby girl was the result of our third fresh IVF. Along the way, we lost my mom, her long term boyfriend, had a miscarriage, and had a very close friend battling cancer. I'm not quite sure how or why, but I had a determination to always get back up when life kicked me down. I did go to a counselor for a short time after my mother and her boyfriend passed. My DH and I also went on a vacation to try and forget about the real world for a little while. It was one of the most wonderful things we have done for ourselves. I hope you get your miracle baby from your FET. Once you hold your baby, it makes everything you went through along the way so worth it!

Dragonfly1226 · September 2013

I just want to reach through the computer screen and hug you! IF sucks. I saw so many dark days in the years it took us to have DS. Ours was a long journey. We suffered miscarriages, I had surgeries, BFNs... I did a lot of crying.

I saw a therapist, and it helped me a lot. I also went to acupuncture once a week. I can't say whether it helped me get my sticky BFP but it was very relaxing. I always felt peaceful after acupuncture.

Looking back now I can honestly say that it was all worth it for me. Every needle, every tear, every disappointment... They all lead me to where I am now and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Praying that you get your sticky BFP very soon. (((((Hugehugs)))))

mcgeeva · September 2013

I have no experience with FET but just wanted to say im sorry and I hope this next cycle is a little easier for you. Two I am 100% about counseling. I really believe it helps. Even if it's a way of venting and trying to find hope in other things along they way during your journey. Hang in there..hugs

mdiblasi10 · September 2013

Big squishy hugs! It can be such a difficult journey, but it is definitely worth it the moment you hold that baby in your arms. Sending good thoughts for your FET.