DC bully?

EVM1216 · September 2013

DD has been in a new DC for 5 weeks now. She really seems to like it and enjoys going there. On Friday when I picked her up she had some small scabs on her face. Nothing big. I didn't think twice about it. On the way home DD told me that it was Lilliana that scratched her and the teacher had told Lilliana that wasn't nice. DD has told me on other occasions that Lilliana has pulled DD's hair and pinched her cheeks. DD also says that she like Lilliana and likes to play with her.

My concern is that none of the teachers have ever mentioned this to me. I feel like the scratches on DD's face should've warrented a note about the interaction that caused it. Because, based on DD's description, it sounds like this girl is out to get her. I know this is pretty typically 2 year old behavior, but I want to get the adult perspective on this. I think I'm going to be that parent and go to the director on Monday.

Serendipity117 · September 2013

1- sorry that your DD is getting hurt

2- Anytime a child leaves DC with a mark that they didn't arrive with, it should be documented and the parent should be informed. Big fail on the part of your DC

3- Since this sounds like it is becoming a regular thing I would arrange a meeting with you DDs teachers.

4- The thing is, the other girl may not be a bully. Don't get me wrong, she could be but since I don't have all the details I don't know. Anyway, this little girl may just have really poor communication skills. If she likes your DD and spends a lot of time together there are more opportunities for things to happen. I know plenty of kids who get excited and scratch, who get frustrated and bite, get sad and slap, etc. Not saying its right but it happens.

No matter your feeling I think a meeting needs to take place. Good luck!

EVM1216 · September 2013

I do not believe that the other little girl is bully. In fact it is just as possible that DD is "the bully"and she left that part out. They are 2, snd i get that thatsort of stuff happens. Either way I don't know that and therefore can't address the issue properly.

This is the first time DD has had an issue with another kid like this (that I know of. She couldn't tell me if something happened before) so I'm not sure the severity with which to handle it.

keags5496 · September 2013

I'd to into it with a really open mind and a non-confrontational attitude, but I'd make sure that DC knew I was concerned about the scratches and relay what DD told you. As a teacher, I always tell parents that if they promise to only believe half of what their kiddos say happens at school ill only believe half of what they say happens at home.

rainydayluck · September 2013

Daycare should be documenting and telling you anytime your kid is injured. Not doing so is unacceptable.

jillybean800 · September 2013

I think the bigger issue is that the DC should tell you what happened. I'm sure Alexander is the pusher/hitter/kicker at preschool (unfortunately) but to a certain extent it can't be helped. We can only correct him until he grows up a bit. But it's up to the DC to separate the children and report it to you.

lrn327 · September 2013

This is tough and we're kind of dealing with some of this, in fact, I think we always have. C's not an aggressive kid and therefore tends to get "bullied" by some of the other kids. However, like a few of the PPs said, just because she says that's what happened doesn't mean that's really it. I know you know this, just that we get this a lot. Sometimes I don't know exactly what happened, but I know it's not what C says it is. For example, last night he said "Jack bit me" but I know it didn't happen b/c it was his eye! He tends to act differently when it's trust vs. untruth also. If it's real, he will seem genuinely sad and be able to offer full details. If I'm skeptical, he seems to only have a few details and be able to move to something else quickly. However, if there are obvious marks, I certainly always ask if they don't volunteer or write up an incident report. It's not okay for the teachers to not know what's going on if there are marks being left.

We've not had any longstanding issues till now but there is one little boy in his new class I'm concerned about. Even if C doesn't have obvious injuries, I'm documenting anything he tells me about this child right now. I try not to lead him on so if he doesn't volunteer anything, I ask him "did you do something nice for someone today" and "who did something nice for you today"? Usually those questions elicit the info I'm looking for if there is something there.

Hmm, that was a rambling answer. Sorry about that!

rainydayluck · September 2013

For example, I just got a call from DD's teacher letting me know a chair tipped over and fell on her hand and it gave her a scratch. I would be pretty pissed if they weren't saying anything.

EVM1216 · September 2013

Thanks everyone. I know that DD is not exactly the best witness, and has certainly been known to say some crazy stuff. But on both occasions that she's told me about this girl DD spoke spontaneously and unsolicited. I didn't even ask her about the scratches on her face, DD just burst out with the story as soon as we were in the parking lot,so it seemed more likely to be honest.

I am going to talk to the director when I pick DD up today, making sure to emphasize that I am upset that the teachers didn't tell me what happened, not that it did happen.

And I will follow your example, lrn327, and document what DD says in the future about this girl.

kat81again2 · September 2013

Definitely talk to the DC provider because they should be documenting these things. And at the very least they'll know you're a squeaky wheel and will know to look out for DD-Lilliana interactions in particular.

I think my kid is the Lilliana of this situation, unfortunately. He definitely has friends, but he will also randomly lash out at kids unprovoked (and obviously provoked as well.) Well DC was on our case about it right away and have always reported injuries DS has received from these types of altercations (i.e. if a kid fights back, or if another kid actually starts it in the first place.) Lilliana might even be your DD's best friend in the class but still abuse her like this. My best friend in my preschool class used to pull my hair such that chunks of it would come out!!

Definitely meet with DC first, but I'd also consider setting up a playdate with Lilliana's family so you can observe their interactions first hand and also--as it comes up naturally--talk to her parent(s) about it. For example, you might see them effectively manage Lilliana, but maybe DC isn't doing a good job. We had to tell DC that they needed to be super strict with DS or he wouldn't get the message, and DS is doing better now.

pitterpatter129 · September 2013

I'd just say something directly to the teacher. The director doesn't need to know unless the teacher forgets again to tell you something. I hope it's nothing and they are just playing. Nate tells ne all the time that Caleb is mean to him (our 7 month old!)

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