Presents for one child during the other's birthday?

stgn01 · September 2013

So DS will be 1 year old in two weeks and DH and I were talking about presents. He suggested that we give DD (3 years) a present as well so she doesn't feel left out during DS's birthday. I said no, it's DS's birthday and she should expect to get a present every time he does. And vice versa. What do you think? Do you give presents to your other kids if it's their siblings birthday?

Allycat11 · September 2013

We only have 1 kid so far but I have no plans to teach our child(ren) that they should get presents for no reason when someone else does.

goillini823 · September 2013

I find it ridiculous as well!

eaglesfan700 · September 2013

I Heart The 80s said:

Nope. We don't. Personally I think it's ridiculous.

Ditto

notkateanymore · September 2013

No, it's a birthday, the only holiday you get to yourself.

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

That drives me bonkers, we've never done it. I've even gone so far as to ask my sister, who is very sweet and thoughtful and always brings a gift for the non-birthday sibling, to not do it with our kids. Children need to know that it isn't always all (or even partly) about them, sometimes it's all about somebody else. Everyone gets a special day to be celebrated, and little brother's birthday belongs to him. (And this is the part where I say "Suck it up, Cupcake!" to my own children.)

Socialworkgirl · September 2013

My ILs did this, particularly they gave BIL gifts on DH's b-day because BIL was the baby. BIL is to this day pretty selfish and self-centered. I think that part of the cause is my IL's style of parenting where BIL was always catered to ridiculously. I certainly don't think getting gifts on DH's b-day was the primary cause of his issues, but I think it is very important for kids to learn the joy of giving and picking out or making gifts for family members even when they are not going to get something themselves.

joyfullyfound · September 2013

I Heart The 80s said:

Nope. We don't. Personally I think it's ridiculous.

This. She needs to learn it's not always about her

strlitemiss · September 2013

NandaB said:

LalaMama81 said:

Hav=Fath said:

Is it just as dumb and offensive to get an older sibling a gift when the new one is born? I always do this for kids getting a sibling.

This is different to me. It's a one time thing when and older sibling often feels a little overlooked. I don't always do it for others, but I have. I also certainly wouldn't expect it.

I'm with lala on this. Its a big new deal and a hard adjustment to make. I always bring a big sibling gift when I bring a new baby gift. Usually it is something really small and inexpensive like a coloring book and stickers, or a couple small cars. Just something to make them feel special and not overlooked

Hey I even bought the dog a new toy so when we bring the baby home he gets a new toy ( hoping he will associate the baby with happiness because of it, to help, I'm not crazy!)

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

NandaB said:

Hav=Fath said:

Is it just as dumb and offensive to get an older sibling a gift when the new one is born? I always do this for kids getting a sibling.

This is different to me. It's a one time thing when and older sibling often feels a little overlooked. I don't always do it for others, but I have. I also certainly wouldn't expect it.
I'm with lala on this. Its a big new deal and a hard adjustment to make. I always bring a big sibling gift when I bring a new baby gift. Usually it is something really small and inexpensive like a coloring book and stickers, or a couple small cars. Just something to make them feel special and not overlooked

Yeah, not the same thing, IMO. It's a one-time event, and a new sib can be really traumatic. Umpteen later years of a sib having birthdays should not be so traumatizing as to require a gift to soothe battered egos.

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

cjcouple said:

Nah, we don't do it. In fact we have the the non birthday boy go and pick out a special present for his brother to give him at the party. Never more than $10 and they get so excited to give their brother their own special present. It's adorable to watch them try to keep a secret for a couple days and sit with smiles while they wait impatiently for a reaction. However I do have quite a few ppl do the gift giving for non birthday boy, 3 to be exact. FIL, my sis and a friend. I can't exactly say not to do that. It's rude and their choice. But I can make sure my kids never expect anything and to be grateful. I don't have many issues with jealousy so it's fine IMO. The jealousy we encounter is more with affection. If one is extra cuddly one day the other is right on my other side. Lol.

Just for the record, I brought this up long before the birthday, and I have a super close relationship with my sister. I knew she was accustomed to doing it for my niece and nephew, and I just said "Hey, it's so nice that you do that, but I want them to learn blah blah blah." She laughed and said it was one less thing to buy (although I'm sure she was rolling her eyes at the other end of the phone.)

pitterpatter129 · September 2013

No. Has she ever been to birthday parties? We always talk beforehand (before parties) about how it's so and so's birthday and so they get all the presents and attention. Then afterwards we talk about what he'd like at his next party. So, I would do the same thing for a sibling when the time comes. It's not your special day, yours will come on your birthday.

jnksmom · September 2013

No we don't and I think its ridiculous. FIL used to do this and it drove me nuts. We don't have a relationship with him anymore so it's not an issue now

stgn01 · September 2013

Um, I don't know where the edit button went, but I meant to say that DD SHOULDN'T expect to get a present every time DS does and vice versa. Thanks ladies. I thought it was a little overboard myself.

jenniann87 · September 2013

No way. The thought of giving one child a gift at another childs birthday so they "don't feel left out" has never even crossed my mind. That is just absurd. Children need to learn that it isn't always about them and that everyone has their own special day to be celebrated. You wouldn't get her a gift to open at a friends birthday party so why on her brothers birthday?

Now with that said I will get an older sibling a gift when a new baby is born. That is different, IMO. It is definitely a time when an older sibling(s) could feel like they are being overlooked. It isn't a big gift but a small toy, coloring book or puzzle.

CalBears · September 2013

Our parents do this. I never really thought much about it. The grandparents do a lot of things that I wouldn't do as a parent. We do not give gifts to everyone because of a birthday in the family.

LatteLady5 · September 2013

My nephews live out of state. When one of them celebrates a birthday I mail them both something. I don't think SIL makes both gifts part of the party though. We won't do it for our kids but IMO it's not a big deal and nothing to get worked up over. I don't see my nephews often so a couple extra toothbrushes, lunchboxes and packs of stickers from time to time isn't hurting anything.

peacelove&mama · September 2013

Nope, I think that's ridiculous. When my kids were younger I explained that it was so-and-so's birthday today, and when it's their birthday they'll be the one getting presents and cake etc.

VanessaB24 · September 2013

No.

Stefibeth · September 2013

I think this practice if ridiculous. I didn't even know people did this until I met MH and his brother/SIL do this with their kids. Their kids are now 4, 7, and 9 and they still do it AND their kids are pretty bratty about it (surprise).

Not only do I find it unnecessary and ridiculous, I think it's detrimental. Kids need to learn that it's fun to celebrate someone else's day with them just because. Not because they will get gifts too or they will throw a fit. Birthday parties are fun enough for guests, I really really don't see a benefit or a need to give other siblings gifts. I don't get it.

I never got gifts on my sibs birthdays and it was a-okay with me and my sibs when my turn came around. It's not like I get gifts on MH's birthday. Oh wait, I do... because we share a birthday. And that's kind of The Suck because I need a day of my own dammit!

JMC11511 · September 2013

Ha! I have this same issue. My nephew just celebrated his birthday. His grandparents (he's technically my husband's cousins kid, but we are close like BIL/SIL) bought him and his brother (older) two hot wheels cars. They also got LO (who is almost 2), the same thing. In reality, it's not a big deal, the gift is small. But on the one hand, I find it ridiculous that this happens every year. On the other, I'm glad LO was not left out. If we have more kids we will not be doing that.

Rink08 · September 2013

We don't because we want the kids to realize that it's the other child's "special day". They'll get their day when it comes around. DS1 already shares a birthday with DH and it's the day after Christmas. There's no need to take away from it further.

I put this at the same level as trophies for everyone which obviously I don't agree with.

Stefibeth · September 2013

JMC11511 said:

Ha! I have this same issue. My nephew just celebrated his birthday. His grandparents (he's technically my husband's cousins kid, but we are close like BIL/SIL) bought him and his brother (older) two hot wheels cars. They also got LO (who is almost 2), the same thing. In reality, it's not a big deal, the gift is small. But on the one hand, I find it ridiculous that this happens every year. On the other, I'm glad LO was not left out. If we have more kids we will not be doing that.

We had to ask people not to include DS. I really don't want to start that habit.

You should see what the other kids get though. It's not a Hot Wheels car. It's stacks of gifts and money in cards. It's literally like it's their birthday too.

Does. not. compute.

alli2672 · September 2013

I Heart The 80s said:

My twins already have to share a birthday. One if them just figured this out, and she was not happy. Lol. She said "no, my birthday party! Not David's". So I would never allow gift to go to my oldest that day in addition to the twins. Then no one feels extra special.

lol...that makes sense. My kids aren't like that, but I know some who are

I get it now.

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