Trying to keep the peace...but I'm being tested!!!

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

Our mothers started watching Chris last week and we asked that when Chris goes down for his naps to put him in his crib. He sleeps longer when you hold him but we like for him to be put down so he doesn't become dependent on others to be put to sleep.

Yesterday my MIL comes up to me, out of nowhere, and says to me "I bet Christopher doesn't sleep an hour and forty five minutes with your mom!" I said "No because she puts him in his crib like we asked her to." She just walked out. TWO things 1) Don't bring my mom into this. My mother respects our wishes when it come to our child. Not to mention my mom actually worked for a living. She doesn't charge family members to watch their kids *rant*. 2) I now know that she's not doing what we asked her to do because if she was she would have mentioned that he sleeps in his crib.

I really don't want to bring more attention to this than what's needed but something is itching me to say something to my husband before her sly little remarks get out of hand and I end up saying something inappropriate. Would you say something?

jobiann · September 2013

If it were me, I'd discuss it with my H and make him talk to his mother. It might come better from him. It is hard to balance the line of a grandparent just spoiling and a grandparent crossing the line. I want DS's grandparents to spoil him if they want, but I expect them to obey our wishes and always ensure DS is being respectful. Talking back is one of the things that will not be tolerated in our house not matter if its "cute". Course he doesn't do this yet...but I'm sure it will happen.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

I agree with you! I've been trying to keep my mouth shut and choose my battles when it comes to my difficult mother in law however she's not doing what we asked her to do. She's only been watching him for 2 days but if she continues to hold him when he goes to sleep he'll expect that with us.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

Money is not the issue I think it's the fact that she demands being paid. I feel like business and family shouldn't mix, especially when it comes to spending time with your grandchild. I know childcare costs $$$ however I'd be paying a licensed organization that $$$. My mom watches our son and expects not a single dime...we offered to pay her but she refuses the cash. So we have food delivered to the house for her lunch, she gets gas cards, I pay to get her hair done, etc.

82Sonia · September 2013

Have your husband say something when he hears a comment like that. It will be received better coming from him.

AshleyDehaven · September 2013

The snide comment about your mom is what would set me off the most. Of course her not respecting your choices is completely inappropriate and needs to be addressed, and i would let your husband do that personally. But that comment would just fester with me.. Ugh. I'm sorry. That really sucks..

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

I'm with you Ashley!!! My blood was boiling at the fact that she brought my mom in this...

I'm going to let hubby handle this one, I think I'd be a bit rough with this topic matter. Thanks for the advice!

DCKate · September 2013

I would ask that your DH say something. Spoiling LOs is what grandparents do, to a point. They still have to respect your wishes. And saying something smart about my mom, from my MIL, would seriously piss me off.

MelissaRae1525 · September 2013

I'm not saying she's right in sayin that (it was definitely rude) but I genuinely don't see what this comment means:

Not to mention my mom actually worked for a living. She doesn't charge family members to watch their kids.

How else is she supposed to pay her bills? It's great that your mom doesn't need money but I'm guessing your MIL does and you're coming off way harsh unless she is taking advantage of someone. But it doesn't sound like she is charging you a lot.

82Sonia · September 2013

I think she was just trying to imply that her mom is more willing to help them out than her MIL is even though she has more things going on. But MIL is the one making snide comments.

OP my mom is more helpful with my DD than my MIL but made a comment about how she was better than DD's other grandma. Even though I agree, I shut her down pretty quick and said that she should be happy that DD has two grandma's who love her.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

mj0011 said:

You are obsessed with the fact that your mil charges you for childcare

I wouldn't say obsessed but a little bothered by it, yes.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

MelissaRae1525 said:

I'm not saying she's right in sayin that (it was definitely rude) but I genuinely don't see what this comment means: Not to mention my mom actually worked for a living. She doesn't charge family members to watch their kids. How else is she supposed to pay her bills? It's great that your mom doesn't need money but I'm guessing your MIL does and you're coming off way harsh unless she is taking advantage of someone. But it doesn't sound like she is charging you a lot.

My mother in law never worked outside of her house. She always babysat kids and that's how she made her living. She then went to work at a school as a TA. My mother worked for the city and was in the Army Reserves and the last time she took care of children was 28+ years ago. With that being said of course my mom may be a little rusty while she may be a bit more seasoned.

Ummm...GET A JOB like most people do!!! If you're that hard up for $$$ then go back to work!

Like I've said before it's not the money that bothers me...she demands it. Not to mention she asking to clean our house for additional $$$. If I'm not mistaken her priority is watching Chris...period.

MelissaRae1525 · September 2013

MRSVELA07 said:

MelissaRae1525 said:

I'm not saying she's right in sayin that (it was definitely rude) but I genuinely don't see what this comment means:

Not to mention my mom actually worked for a living. She doesn't charge family members to watch their kids.

How else is she supposed to pay her bills? It's great that your mom doesn't need money but I'm guessing your MIL does and you're coming off way harsh unless she is taking advantage of someone. But it doesn't sound like she is charging you a lot.

My mother in law never worked outside of her house. She always babysat kids and that's how she made her living. She then went to work at a school as a TA. My mother worked for the city and was in the Army Reserves and the last time she took care of children was 28+ years ago. With that being said of course my mom may be a little rusty while she may be a bit more seasoned.

Ummm...GET A JOB like most people do!!! If you're that hard up for $$$ then go back to work!

Like I've said before it's not the money that bothers me...she demands it. Not to mention she asking to clean our house for additional $$$. If I'm not mistaken her priority is watching Chris...period.

If she gets paid for watching kids then it is her job. I'm sure there are more reasons why you don't like her but if she's watching your kid so you can work she deserves to be paid. You give your mom compensation too. I don't know what your mother having to work for the city and the army has to do with anything. It seems to me like your mom is better than your MIL because she had a "real" job. I hope you don't think that because taking care of kids full time is effing hard.

I don't think you'd be feeling this way if it was your mom who didn't "have a real job". It seems like you don't like MIL but it shouldn't be because of her occupation. You're coming off very judgy towards her and your son will pick up on that one day.

MelissaRae1525 · September 2013

And if she goes back to work, who else will watch your kid?

jessalared · September 2013

Maybe it's time to look into daycare?

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

MelissaRae1525 said:

MRSVELA07 said:

MelissaRae1525 said:

I'm not saying she's right in sayin that (it was definitely rude) but I genuinely don't see what this comment means:

Not to mention my mom actually worked for a living. She doesn't charge family members to watch their kids.

How else is she supposed to pay her bills? It's great that your mom doesn't need money but I'm guessing your MIL does and you're coming off way harsh unless she is taking advantage of someone. But it doesn't sound like she is charging you a lot.

My mother in law never worked outside of her house. She always babysat kids and that's how she made her living. She then went to work at a school as a TA. My mother worked for the city and was in the Army Reserves and the last time she took care of children was 28+ years ago. With that being said of course my mom may be a little rusty while she may be a bit more seasoned.

Ummm...GET A JOB like most people do!!! If you're that hard up for $$$ then go back to work!

Like I've said before it's not the money that bothers me...she demands it. Not to mention she asking to clean our house for additional $$$. If I'm not mistaken her priority is watching Chris...period.

If she gets paid for watching kids then it is her job. I'm sure there are more reasons why you don't like her but if she's watching your kid so you can work she deserves to be paid. You give your mom compensation too. I don't know what your mother having to work for the city and the army has to do with anything. It seems to me like your mom is better than your MIL because she had a "real" job. I hope you don't think that because taking care of kids full time is effing hard.

I don't think you'd be feeling this way if it was your mom who didn't "have a real job". It seems like you don't like MIL but it shouldn't be because of her occupation. You're coming off very judgy towards her and your son will pick up on that one day.

You're taking what I said the wrong way. His moms comment came off as if she was comparing herself to my mom. I mentioned what my mom did for a living to say that my mom has not had experience with babies since I was young meanwhile his mom worked with kids day to day for years. I have a child myself and know that taking care of a baby is indeed challenging. Would I charge my family to watch their kids...nope! But I'm just cut from a different cloth. My mother in law and I have many differences but I wouldn't consider her watching my son as one of them. Her comment is what put me in a pinch. I expressed my concerns with my husband and he agreed that her comment was uncalled for and talked to her. I hope this makes sense for you...

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

MelissaRae1525 said:
And if she goes back to work, who else will watch your kid?

His mom watches Christopher Monday and Tuesday my mom watches him Wednesday and Thursday. If she were to go back to her previous job my mom will gladly take over her days. The only reason why his mom is watching Christopher is because my husband wants her to. I'd be happy with my mom watching him throughout the week and his mom watching him during the weekends we go out or have dates.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

jessalared said:
Maybe it's time to look into daycare?

Nope! No daycare for a while. If she continues to not respect our wishes we will ask my mom to take over now that she's retired. We decided on daycare when he's at least 1.5 years of age.

MRSVELA07 · September 2013

ClaryPax said:
If your MIL is occasionally babysitting then it is wrong of her to charge. If she is your child care while you work I think it's ok to charge. You may want to look for child care elsewhere.

I'm not saying that its "wrong" she charges but give us the chance to say "well since you're doing us a favor by coming over and watching him...here's some $$$." I know watching an infant is difficult and I wouldn't expect someone to chase after my son for free but she's stated in the past that she's going to charge all her kids to watch their babies so she can make up her $$$ as if she was working. I think that's a little odd.

AshleyDehaven · September 2013

I work part time in the home while being a SAHM, it is definitely extremely challenging, and if i were watching someones child, i would charge, maybe not for family, or maybe just less i don't know, but i get that this is what she is doing to income right now. That isn't what would bug me, because if it were my mom or my MIL i would insist on paying them if it was a regular thing, what would bug me is the comment. Just seems super uncalled for.

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