Rude People - vent!

tlf830 · September 2013

Hi everyone, I am expecting twins in the spring, we used IVF. Every time I tell someone that we're having twins, they ask "Fertility or Natural?" They have some nerve!!!! Do you ever get this - if so, what do you say?

kstar83 · September 2013

I get this a lot and I immediately ask them why it matters? Mine are spontaneous, but it doesn't make any difference.

I also get annoyed at the was it planned?

I think most people don't know what they are asking, they are just interested and want to show support.

PinkinProvence · September 2013

I never got that question but I was prepared for when I did. I was going to respond - "Actually, I was wondering what sex position you were in when you conceived 'Mary' so I am glad you asked." I am a sarcastic, caustic person though.

I actually get, "Do twins run in your family" every single day. I just say "not really" and move on.

BuckeyeNut05 · September 2013

The vast majority of people asked me that when they found out I was expecting twins. You will continue to get asked once they're here. You don't have to answer that question if you don't want to, and it is extremely rude. I like the "why do you ask?" response, and if its someone who I feel comfortable enough with, I will tell them and then very candidly tell them to never ask that to another person again, because the next person might not be so nice about it.

Wishing35 · September 2013

Everyone asks that, I just lie and say no rather then get into it. It's none of their business, I still find it surprising as this is something I would never ask! I don't mind if they ask if it runs in the family but it does get annoying after the 100th time.

carrotcake06 · September 2013

All.the.time when I was pg.

I just say "it was a big surprise!" (Mine were spontaneous, but multiples are a big surprise either way!)

Now that they're here, it's like we're a walking freak show. It's just twins, people. Move on.

staceymack · September 2013

Oddly enough complete strangers asked that question more often than people I know. I'm sure my shocked facial expression says it all (rude! ), but I answer with "actually, the more appropriate term is spontaneous". I read a funny blog post where the mom said she's replies with "no, they're plastic".

kari.sandall · September 2013

carrotcake06 said:
All.the.time when I was pg.

I just say "it was a big surprise!" (Mine were spontaneous, but multiples are a big surprise either way!)

Now that they're here, it's like we're a walking freak show. It's just twins, people. Move on.

This! Although mine were from IVF.

hootie123 · September 2013

I've gotten the 'do twins run in your family?" more than the 'did you use fertility treatments?' but I've gotten both already. I just answer "no" to the first question and 'yes' to the second - without further elaboration. I am ready to say 'no they are robots' if someone asks me if they are 'natural'.

YouMe&Bax · September 2013

I get both questions as well.

To: Are they natural or did we use fertility? "Aren't all babies 'natural'?"

To: Do they run in your family? "Not too sure my father is adopted." That one always stops them in their nosey tracks! (Father's genes do not play a role in twins, but a woman's father can pass down a DNA gene to her).

Also - you're very early on in your pregnancy - there will be many more rude/nosey questions that you'll have to endure. People are intrigued/fascinated with twins.

ceechie · September 2013

I was attacked at the playground about this.
"Were they planned?" Um, no, you can't plan for twins. (And I knew exactly what she was getting at).
Then she got frustrated, and said, "no, I mean, were they a whoopsie or what?"
WE ARE AT THE PLAYGROUND! I would rather not have my 4 yo learn that her sisters are whoopsies or what whoopsies are!
People are hecka rude.

JoDoc · September 2013

My MIL said "Well! How did this happen?" My hubby replied "Do I really need to explain the birds and bees to you?" She said "Well, twins aren't natural." I finally replied "Well, my mom miscarried twins, my sister has twins, my mom had twin cousins, your own husband has twin brothers, so yes, they ARE natural". (I failed to mention that there are twins in the Bible as well)

I think if someone now were to ask me "Are they natural?" I'd ask "Why do you ask?" and follow up after their response with "Why does it matter?" My hubby said I should say "No, but we screwed like rabbits that night. Guess that's what we get for doing that!" But I don't think I could do that.

*BTW, we conceived through IVF but very few people in our lives know that, mainly because of my in-laws, they're VERY judgmental. We implanted 2 embryo's and knew that twins could be an option, but were still pleasantly surprised when we found out it was twins.

sushilover0214 · September 2013

I'm actually pretty open with our infertility. If they ask the twins question, I usually let them know we did IVF. It actually has prompted other questions and I have encountered people who are struggling so I think it makes it less taboo for them.

Kissimi21 · September 2013

Be prepared for a lot of stupid/rude comments and questions. People forget their manners around single pregnancies/babies, but they lose their freaking minds around multiples.

When I was pregnant, people asked me if they were natural, did we used fertility drugs, do twins run in our families, were they planned, are they identical (because I could totally check their DNA from inside my uterus), did I know that twins are usually born early, etc... I even had one asshat say, "Bet you're glad there wasn't three in there." He at least had enough sense to look embarrassed when I said there was three but Baby C did not make it.

Now that my twins are born, I get asked if they are identical followed by if I'm sure, if one is older (huh???, Yes, by a full minute), if my smaller twin is sickly, and if we're happy that there was two babies. The rudest comment came from a man who asked if both babies were breastfed because one is so much bigger than the other!

kimberm0511 · September 2013

This doesn't bother me at all, although I see why it would bother some people. I never asked anyone about their twins, but once we realized we were dealing with infertility then I started to get curious about how others conceived their twins. I only asked people that I knew kind of well, but I almost wanted to find someone that had suffered through infertility so I had someone to relate to. Thats why I don't mind being asked. I am very open about it because you just never know when the person asking is suffering just like I was...and maybe it will help them and also give them hope.

tlf830 · September 2013

I am all for helping people, and talking about it - I love to talk to other people who were in my situation. I draw the line at the old man in the dog park though :-)

Ruthie04 · September 2013

I have only gotten it once (I mostly get the family question...and, we do have them...from IF treatments

). My response to any question like that is, "Lots of people ask that." That response seems to do the trick,

Paradisemoon · September 2013

JoDoc said:

" My hubby said I should say "No, but we screwed like rabbits that night. Guess that's what we get for doing that!" But I don't think I could do that.

Hahahaha, LOVE it! I'll have to remember this line. When I first started showing with this pregnancy. Some older guy and his wife came up to me and asked if "all these kids were mine and if I knew what caused pregnancy" I smiled and said "they sure are! I guess I can't keep my hands off my husband." That shut them up right quick

CaliCarly77 · September 2013

Luckily my cousin had ID twins 3 weeks ago, so I just say "yes they run in my family" - my grandmother also had twins as did her mother (who had 18 total children, mind you).

That usually satisfies the answer. However, I never know how to answer the "were they planned" - I usually say no, because that is instinctively my answer since I didn't plan on twins, then I have to back track and say "well we WERE trying to get pregnant." I don't want people to think this pregnancy was an accident!! ha ha.

TwinnyMommy · September 2013

Unfortunately, when your LO are here people ask more questions. I think the easier it is to deal with the responses. My LO are 22 months and every time we are out we get the question, are they twins, are they natural. I try to respond every time with, yes they are twins, it is hard work raising them but we are blessed to have them, smile and walk away.

Good luck with your pregnancy. Twins are a lot of work but twice the blessing. I gets a little easier as they get older.

SV917 · September 2013

I've had friends ask about fertility treatments, but usually strangers just ask if twins run in my family. I'm honest about fertility treatment to people I know (even though I still think it's inappropriate for most of them to ask), but in response to the not-so-subtle "do twins run in your family" I say"no, it was a surprise." Using the word "surprise" seems to satisfy their IVF vs. spontaneous inquiry and it's honest because even though we transfered 2 embryos and knew twins were possible, it was still a surprise to find twins. I had very low expectations about IVF working, so I was surprised to be pregnant at all.

jezebel57 · September 2013

i'm only 20 weeks and have already gotten the do twins run in your family question- i responded back with a lesson on human development and explained that ID twins are random, not genetic and went into specifics on percentages, etc... the lady was probably so bored she was sorry she asked (all this during waiting for an oil change for my car!). yes, we did ivf, but ID twins weren't what we were expecting at all!

10-4LilBuddy · September 2013

I've gotten a lot of "do twins run in yout family?". We do have twins in my extended family. Our twins were the result of implanting two embryos in IVF though.

However, if the person asking me is sincere and discrete, I will talk about IVF with them. I had a co-worker took me aside and asked if she could ask me a personal question. She confided that they had been trying for several years. I have no problem with IF education, just not the average nosiness.

TsengAkera · September 2013

The only time I have been asked if it was fertility or natural was by my doctors. What I get any time I mention is it's twins is the "do twins run in your family." It's like god! I just want to print a sign that says twins run in both sides. It gets annoying after a while.

JuliaAndPete · September 2013

Holy crap my husband's cousin just asked me that like 10 mins ago! We didn't use ivf so I guess I never really thought about it bothering me. But like other pps have stated here it's NO ONES business. Kill them with kindness is all I can say.

Dragonfly1226 · September 2013

I get the more subtle version - Do twins run in your family? To which I say, "Well they do now!"

MrsCali_Bride · September 2013

For the "Were they planned?" question we respond with "She was. He wasn't." I've also responded with, "We decided to try for baby number two but apparently my body heard two babies!" I've also said that all of the roller coasters and rides with drops at Disneyland must have shaken another egg loose because we conceived right after a trip to DL. I've been asked if they were real twins. Not sure what exactly they were getting at - identical vs fraternal or spontaneous vs having assistance. "How do you do it?" You just do. You don't have much of a choice. I had a Target checker ask "Did you have them naturally?" to which I thought she meant spontaneous vs having assistance and she actually meant vaginally vs c-section. Not sure why that matters, but ok. "This one's bigger so she must be older." Well, she actually is by all of a minute but that has nothing to do with the 2+ pound weight difference.

mylittleladies1229 · September 2013

"MrsCali_Bride said:

For the "Were they planned?" question we respond with "She was. He wasn't."

This. Is. Hilarious! I haven't been asked if they were planned or "natural" or "spontaneous" but I would love to fire off on someone who asked. I've always gotten "Do twins run in your family?" Before having twins this is a sincere question I would have asked someone, not a thinly veiled attempt to figure out if they had fertility treatments.

raraavis28 · September 2013

jessnicolodi said:

"MrsCali_Bride said:

For the "Were they planned?" question we respond with "She was. He wasn't."

This. Is. Hilarious! I haven't been asked if they were planned or "natural" or "spontaneous" but I would love to fire off on someone who asked. I've always gotten "Do twins run in your family?" Before having twins this is a sincere question I would have asked someone, not a thinly veiled attempt to figure out if they had fertility treatments.

Same....and when I do get that question I try to assume that, esp. since that's one of the few facts that the general population seems to know about twins (more or less....I usually end up biting my tongue rather than explaining to people that identical twins don't run in families, that twins running in your husband's family don't mean you're more likely to conceive twins etc.) Granted, twins do run in my family, so that does make it kinda easy to just answer "Yep; my mom's a fraternal twin" and move on. And I guess I live in a less nosy part of the country, b/c I've only gotten the blatant "did you use fertility treatments?" question a couple times....to which I answered "No" (honestly) with a bit of a side-eye.

Now the question I am getting kind of sick of is the "Are they twins?" one (and all its variations....including people yelling "Twins???!" from their car windows) One day I will get up enough nerve to answer like this.....;)

JoDoc · September 2013

marchesa28 said:

Now the question I am getting kind of sick of is the "Are they twins?" one (and all its variations....including people yelling "Twins???!" from their car windows) One day I will get up enough nerve to answer like this.....;)

I plan on saying something similar, especially when shopping. "Well, we found one in Aisle 2, so figured we'd just add on." or "One was on clearance so we decided to take him too"

s0ulchicken · September 2013

9.5 months into it, I am much less aggravated by the interrogations now. But I am often asked if my twins are natural, (nope, synthetic) if we were trying for twins,(we were trying for a litter of puppies, we got a litter of babies instead) and do twins run in my family? (Right now they just crawl)

The one statement that makes me see red though is "I feel so sorry for you." Seriously? STFU!

Mamavogel · September 2013

We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone's business. Our son was an IUI baby and everyone knows it. We were told we couldn't have children on our own so when we got pregnant with twins on our own, out of the blue with no twins on either side it really threw people for a loop. I hate the fertility question, if they ask IVF? I say nope just S.E.X. and smile. Now I am faced with "you shouldn't have "tried so hard" the first time" and "see, if you would have waited a little longer you wouldnt have needed treatments" and "I told you so" type comments. That's when I am most glad my tubes were tied and we are done having kids. Hang in there, your not alone!

TommysGirl56 · September 2013

Mamavogel said:

We live in a small town and everyone knows everyone's business. Our son was an IUI baby and everyone knows it. We were told we couldn't have children on our own so when we got pregnant with twins on our own, out of the blue with no twins on either side it really threw people for a loop. I hate the fertility question, if they ask IVF? I say nope just S.E.X. and smile. Now I am faced with "you shouldn't have "tried so hard" the first time" and "see, if you would have waited a little longer you wouldnt have needed treatments" and "I told you so" type comments. That's when I am most glad my tubes were tied and we are done having kids. Hang in there, your not alone!

I like it!

This thread is giving me lots of funny answer ideas for when the time comes

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