STM: does your child have 'stranger danger' ?

CousinVicki · September 2013

my son has always been wary and cautious, but i have seen other children out in public who have NONE, esp girls. I remember a few i encountered that were obsessed with men, ANY men, would run up to them (including my husband who was like no stop lol) and jump on them, hug them, kiss them. and just be overly affectionate, with a strange male. it always made me super uncomfortable.

is a lack of stranger danger something that can be innate, or is it a sign of something..... weirder?

**yes i know i am a prolific poster today, but i am avoiding doing a major project i should be working on now lol

SuperSecretStatus · September 2013

DD meets no strangers. She would go off with anyone if I'd let her. She's always between overly social and affectionate which can be a problem when she starts crying or gets sad when I won't let her hug and kiss strangers. It's bad enough that she tells everyone she meets that she loves them.

bkeane619 · September 2013

My son is shy even around people he recognizes...he actually did the grab mom's leg the other day when my gma came over and he knows her!

jen-and-ryon · September 2013

I have warned my son about strangers and he is the type of kid who doesn't talk to strangers. He looks at the people in the grocery store that say hello to him like they are crazy, which I'm fine with.

Mae208 · September 2013

My 2 year old doesnt have a shy bone in his body. Which is nice when he has to go to the babysitter or doctor, etc. But he doesn't approach and hug/kiss strangers...

jennlin · September 2013

yup. my 19mo doesn't like strangers. i would say in the last few months or so, though, she's doing better. if it's someone we trust, we'll tell her to give him a hug, etc..she will..but she'll come right back to us. if our friend tries to pick her up, she freaks out...before, she wouldn't let strangers get close.

ScorpioMum · September 2013

Three of mine are shy around strangers and then there's my 8 yo who can make friends with anyone at any time. She worries me because she is so friendly and she's a tiny little thing. Hence the reason that my kids take karate.

SnoopyLuv · September 2013

There's been a lot of blog posts recently about NOT teaching them stranger danger and teach them instead about tricky people . I think it makes more sense.

https://blog.asha.org/2013/05/09/kid-confidential-teaching-our-kids-about-tricky-people/

My LO is not scared of most anyone, unless they are wearing a hat. I do find it interesting that she is innately scared of my creepy uncle.

shelley1002 · September 2013

DS sticks close to me and usually starts out shy. I am not sure he would go off with stranger. I like to think not. He is 2 so the stranger danger may increase as he gets older.

MrsKocal · September 2013

My 3 yo is extremely shy around strangers, which makes me very happy. It's almost ridiculous how shy she is, but I'd rather it be that way than reversed. if a stranger tries to touch her (and I'm talking about stranger to HER, someone I know but she doesn't), she'll run right over to me and grab on to my leg. The other day I brought her to work with me, and the cafeteria lady tried to take her hand so she could bring her over to the candy and give her a free one, and she ripped her hand back and gave the lady a death stare. Good girl.

Once she knows you though - forget it. Non-stop talking, 24-7.

sbkelley8 · September 2013

My daughter (17 mos) isn't overally affectionate with strangers. She does prefer men though, which I chalk up to her daddy and grampy who are amazing men and are great with her. She doesn't get scared or shy around big men or rough looking men either which a lot of kids can. She will only give hugs and kisses if we tell her it's ok. She will look at us for approval first. She is an independent little thing and if I put her down beside me, she's off to explore so she's not a kid that grabs to my leg for dear life around strangers. She will say hi to strangers though, which I think is fine and appropriate. Myself and her daddy are friendly towards strangers. My husband will just talk up a total stranger while in line at a store, so she gets it honestly. She imitates what she sees and as long as we are able to put the boundaries up for her then she will be fine.

msmarsh · September 2013

DS is Mr. Social and says "hi" to everyone we pass in the grocery store, bank, etc. He is also super drawn to men. But I really don't know if he would walk off with a stranger. He tends to get clingy if he sees H or me leaving.

I'm glad he is sop outgoing, but I do worry about it being a hindrance to the "stranger danger" talk.

--halo-- · September 2013

My son has extreme social anxiety. So no, he never goes up to strangers. If they talk to him he shrinks away. I'm very curious to see how the new baby turns out on the shy/outgoing scale.

SuperSecretStatus · September 2013

I feel like my kid is defective or something now. :-S

ohkay · September 2013

My daughter is leery of all adults she doesn't truly know. This includes acquaintances such as our mailman, some neighbors, the waiter we always have at the Mexican restaurant we go to at least twice a month. Now kids are a different story. She will chat up and play with any child she comes across.

ashleymarie512 · September 2013

SnoopyLuv said:
There's been a lot of blog posts recently about NOT teaching them stranger danger and teach them instead about tricky people . I think it makes more sense.

https://blog.asha.org/2013/05/09/kid-confidential-teaching-our-kids-about-tricky-people/

My LO is not scared of most anyone, unless they are wearing a hat. I do find it interesting that she is innately scared of my creepy uncle.

This! We were in a training specific to sex offender treatment and we got on the subject of children victims and stranger danger. We talked a lot about how it's good to know, but it isn't the only thing that will keep them safe. Teaching them about tricky people, good/bad touch, etc is just as important. 75% of sexual victimization toward children is by someone that they know.

P.S. if you aren't referring to sexual abuse, disregard this!

BSnipes35 · September 2013

jen-and-ryon said:
I have warned my son about strangers and he is the type of kid who doesn't talk to strangers. He looks at the people in the grocery store that say hello to him like they are crazy, which I'm fine with.

Ha! Yes, this exactly.

germanpickle · September 2013

PJ is very friendly but he is big on his personal space. Even with Oma, Opa, etc - he will play with people he knows well but only if they stay out of his space. He is normally pretty open to others as long as one of us are with him and show him its okay. When he isnt okay with someone, I know there is something wrong with that person and avoid them.

pandaglitter · September 2013

If my husband or I know them, they're generally good in her eyes. She's scared of bouncy castles though, so basically anything and anyone can frighten her. Often she'll be "kind of nervous" about them, aka shy, and will stick to me or my husband. She gets overwhelmed easily, so often takes a bit to warm up and feel comfortable, especially with a lot of people.

In general, like at a park, she always asks me first if she can say hi to kids and has no interest in adults unless they have dogs, and then she asks us before she asks them if she can pet them. She likes getting our approval before talking to people in general, which I think is good. Her fear of people is pretty hit or miss, but I talk to her about how there are a lot of nice and friendly people, but they may seem nice and end up being mean and you don't know, so its important to never go with anyone who asks you to go with them or take anything from them and to scream and attack people who try to force her to leave with them and to find us.

I don't foresee a situation in which she is not being monitored by us, though. When she's older I think she'll understand more and by the time she is old enough to do things on her own, she'll know all about the potential dangers and how to stay safe. For now, I keep it at a minimum because of her anxiety issues (she's terrified of us abandoning her places and being lost and no one ever finding her and I don't want to lay on the kidnapping fear too heavily).

RedZee · September 2013

DD is 2.5 and ridiculously social. She says hi to everyone. She does not get at all scared if we're not in view (which is a problem) and if someone were to suggest she follow them, I think she'd go. She does not, however, hug and kiss strangers. Saying hi is one thing, hugging them would be creepy.

The other day at synagogue a man we don't know picked her up (so she could get to my dad) and she was totally chill about it.

I don't want her to be scared of everyone, but she does need to learn that she can't just go off with strangers. It kind of sucks to have to teach her that the world has bad people in it.

blathnat · September 2013

My son is wary around people he doesn't know, but warms up quickly. Especially If I am being friendly with them. He will say Hi and Goodbye. With other kids though he is incredibly shy, even kids he has been around before. He's only really friendly with his cousin, but even that takes some initial coaxing.

MrsMommyQ · September 2013

msmarsh said:

DS is Mr. Social and says "hi" to everyone we pass in the grocery store, bank, etc. He is also super drawn to men. But I really don't know if he would walk off with a stranger. He tends to get clingy if he sees H or me leaving.

I'm glad he is sop outgoing, but I do worry about it being a hindrance to the "stranger danger" talk.

This is exactly how DD is. She's 3. She looks to us a lot for approval though so I don't think she'd actualyl go off with a stranger but ya never know.

cdbayes · September 2013

18mo boy is pretty freaking scared of anyone he doesn't know or hasn't seen in a while. He ugly cries at the sight of my sister...

dlphndoc · September 2013

Max is pretty social but he takes his cues from me. He won't approach a total stranger. He will wait until I tell him who it is/introduce them. Once he knows you though, he's all over you.

kdjudd · September 2013

My daughter is only 15 months old so I can't really say what she will be like when she is older, but for right now she is very cautious when it comes to being around new people. She doesn't like men very much.

MySunshine213 · September 2013

Yes and no.. She reads people. In general she's not very shy, but once in a while she backs away from people. Like the super loud guy behind us at a baseball game ("Is that a bad man?"), or the cranky old lady who scolds her for being too fussy in the grocery store (like a pp said, she just stares at them like they're crazy), etc.

xkittyxbearx · September 2013

My DS1 (6) will talk to anyone and tell them anything, we go over it constantly and explain possible consequences but his need to tell everyone his life story seems to overcome him about a day after we've talked about it. If I have told him he's not to talk to people he doesn't know he whispers to me if he's allowed to tell a store clerk something, but seems to forget all about the discussion soon after. My DS2 (3) is shy and occasionally will kind of check people out but never talks to really goes near them, even other kids. So it may take quite awhile to instill stranger danger for my oldest.

kirbabe · September 2013

When DS was young, he had major stranger danger. Then it was men were safe and he would try to make friends wherever he would go. He's finally starting to get the "Don't talk to strangers".

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