Email from MIL

joyfullyfound · September 2013

We had my ILs, and SIL/BIL over for dinner Sunday night. We invite them over every weekend for dinner. MIL sent an email yesterday morning, and I can not stop thinking about how annoyed I am by it. Be straight with me, is it the pregnancy hormones that make this so gawdawful?

This is a direct quote:

"Hi Joyfully*!

I just wanted to say thanks again for having everyone over for dinner last night, the meal was wonderful! I'm always amazed by how you manage to get the house organized and clean for when we come over. It's not necessary, but I appreciate the huge effort you put in. We'd happily sit in crumbs for a chance to see our grandchild, and just eat what you guys normally have instead of you stressing yourself out making something special. Just so you know!

Love you, hon!

MIL"

*names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved

Holy moley! I honestly make zero additional effort to tidy up our house when they come over. My house is just tidy, woman. I know she meant it as a compliment, but I am so annoyed she pictures me rushing around the house, trying to bring order to our pig sty just because she's coming over. There are certainly never any crumbs to sit in. And I made a slow cooker roast with roasted root vegetables, gravy, and a salad. That's no more complicated than any other meal I make during the week, just doubled for more people. I just can't believe in a few well intentioned sentences that she managed to insult my housekeeping and my cooking.

Would you have taken that email the same way I did, or am I being sensitive? She really is generally a totally nice person... it wasn't meant passive-aggresively at all.

rockyrollgirl · September 2013

I think she was just trying to be nice.

Dochas · September 2013

I think it's the hormones, as long as she's not usually a passive aggressive beast! It must have been wonderful and hard to imagine you doing all of that work. I also find that I get a lot of compliments - even from my husband - when I do something like that in the slow cooker. A roast just brings up the vision of browning and simmering all day. And it is always the easiest of any of the options!

jennygirlmt · September 2013

I'm just a lurker but holy moly you are being super sensitive. If you want her to know that you keep it clean throughout the week so it's no trouble, say that nicely. But all she's doing is commending you for your hardwork and letting you know you don't have to go to any effort. I think you are trying to start something when you actually have a good thing going!

My usually wonderful inlaws, who are local, are being super jealous of any time I spend with my "across the state" family and its getting really frustrating. I'd just be thankful

MNmama7112 · September 2013

Honestly I think mothers in law are always tough- it's just the nature of the relationship IMO. But [without knowing any history] I would say you're being overly sensitive. I think she was just trying to say that she knows you're busy and have a lot on your plate as a mom, but she appreciates that you go through the trouble of hosting a meal for the family on a regular basis. While that might not be out of the ordinary for you, I'd say the average person experiences at least some level of stress when entertaining (tidy up a bit more, try a new recipe vs. throwing the same old spaghetti together, etc.) and she was saying she appreciates that you're willing to do it often. Maybe she just doesn't know that this isn't anything extra for you? I think she was complimenting both your housekeeping and your cooking, not insulting them. Again, mothers in law are almost always irksome in some way so I get reading insults into the email. I just don't think that was her intention from my objective view.

ASullivan1231 · September 2013

It sounds like a nice email to me, but I can see reading into it.

LatteLady5 · September 2013

I'd probably respond with something like "It's no extra effort having you all over. We love spending time with you" or something like that. It would bug me too but she was probably just trying to be nice. Don't think too much on it

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

I think it's just the hormones. It would annoy me, too, but I'll bet it never crossed her mind that you would be offended. She probably does think you go to a lot of trouble, especially if she's not a stellar housekeeper herself. I'd probably email back with something like, "You're sweet to worry about me! Honestly the house and the meal wouldn't be any different if it was just the three of us, so don't give it another thought."

joyfullyfound · September 2013

Ok, thanks you guys

I'm definitely over sensitive lately, but this one really bugged me. I'm sure it's that caused by that tension that always seems to exist between MILs and DILs. I won't hold a grudge then, haha. It's so great being about to bounce off you guys whether I'm crazy or not, if I talked to DH about the email, he'd get defensive of his mom. So, crazy. Got it. :P

peacelove&mama · September 2013

I would be a tiny bit irked at the way she put it, but I think she was trying to be nice. At least she appreciates you having her over, it could be worse.

My MIL is forever moving things around, putting things that I normally keep out away and making comments about it looking cluttered... It used to drive me insane and I perceived it as passive-aggressiveness about my house not being as perfectly tidy as hers, but I eventually realized she knows I don't like clutter and is just trying to help, so I shrug it off now and I just move things back if I don't like where she put it.

MesmrEwe · September 2013

sing4mysavior said:

Eat some chocolate, send a "you're welcome, our pleasure" email back and move on. Crazy baby hormones all the way on this one. *hugs*

LOL - this

It's hormones - take it as a positive on this one!

Unknown · September 2013

This content has been removed.

fancefpp · September 2013

I think she's just being nice. Maybe she thinks she's being a pain by coming over when she knows how busy life can be with kids. I wouldn't be upset by this at all. I'm afraid to become a MIL someday. I'm learning what not to do now.

dizzycooks · September 2013

CnAmom said:

Her delivery could use some work, but I think she was trying to be nice. My MIL almost never says thank you when we invite them over for dinner.

This. I am sure she meant well, but she could use some help with tact.

ToastieSimons · September 2013

If this was my MIL, she would mean "I know you're a messy pig so don't worry about cleaning up for us".

If it was anyone else, I think they would just be trying to say that they appreciate the effort you go through to invite everyone over and that they're greatful for getting to spend time with you and the kids.

ta78 · September 2013

You are pregnant with a very young toddler, who are typically kind of messy. It sounds like she's just trying to be nice and knows that it can be hard to manage keeping house and cooking big meals. Be thankful you have such nice ILs.

AimeeL85 · September 2013

I think it's just the hormones lol. I do think she was trying to be nice and probably thinks you do put extra effort in, you must be a great housekeeper and cook! And kudos to you for inviting ILs over every week lol.

notkateanymore · September 2013

I'm a bitch and even I couldn't find fault in that one...unless she is a known passive aggressive bitch usually.

Arnegard · September 2013

shiggybop said:

I read it as though she thinks you live in filth unless they're coming over. I'd be annoyed. I guess it depends what your relationship with her is like. My mil gives backhanded compliments like this all. The. Time.

My MIL would be mostly right if it was my house. Her clean standard is not my normal clean standard.

lyingliarlies · September 2013

echoing some PPs, unless she's known to be passive aggressive towards you OR there's a backstory, i think it was a genuine note of thanks for being a great host.

Boonhilde · September 2013

I am the queen of taking everything my MIL says and turning it to be the worst thing ever, so I totally get where you're coming from. But she was trying to be nice. I'd respond with a simple, "It's not a problem. I don't do anything different than I normally do."

And can I add, I don't know how you do it?

WashingtonQueen · September 2013

Boonhilde Why did you flag Kimbus?

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