Smothered

Ninjamama86 · September 2013

In hopes of not sounding like the worlds most ungrateful brat, I feel completely smothered by my family. Throughout my pregnancy, my husband has been working out of town during the week so I am living alone Monday-Friday. Though I miss him terribly, I don't really mind being alone. My family (my mother in particular) has been smothering me calling everyday, asking how i'm feeling, offering to come stay with me or for me to go stay with them. I keep telling my mother I'm fine and I don't need her to do that. Now she took it upon herself to talk to the neighbors about watching her dogs so she can come stay with me a few nights a week. I don't know how to be any more clear that I do not want/need her or anyone to baby sit or entertain me.I know it's out of love, but it's really overwhelming and I don't know how to tell her without offending her that I really don't want or need her to help me or stay with me at this point.

This is the 1st grandbaby and I know everyone is just so excited and that it's out if love, but I'm really more of a private person and I am not comfortable with all of the attention. I'm already dreading after the baby gets here not having any privacy or alone time with my new family.

So far I have been very polite in declining offers to help or 'keep me company' but they're getting so persistent! Anyone else feeling smothered by family, advise on dealing with it without coming off like a complete bitch??

artistlife · September 2013

Honestly, sounds like not being a bitch isn't really working out you. I have had to be a bitch to my mom. I always blame it on hormones :^o Just so she doesn't feel too bad. We don't have a great relationship though so I might not be the best to advise you.

chatita_78 · September 2013

I think you should just say you feel smothered. While you appreciate the offer, this is going to be the last few months without a LO and you'd rather have some solo time since that will be nonexistent in your near future. Call them out. People don't get it until you're straight forward. If you're annoyed now, just wait to go past your due date then everyone and there mother is asking "Is the baby here yet?" "You're almost there!" "How are you feeling???" It is so annoying!!! Which is why I've lied to everyone and tacked on 2 extra weeks. Tell her you'll feel better and she'll get over it.

lafsalot · September 2013

DH started saying something about having someone stay with me later in pregnancy and I nipped him right away with that one. If I feel the need for company, I have a car and a phone, I can call someone of my choosing. I am with you on being concerned after baby, DH doesn't get the fact that I don't want his family over all the time after the baby. Mine is out of town. He always takes it personally that I just don't like them, it is more that I don't like being smothered, I can call for help when/if I need it from who I desire help from. We also need time as a family and I don't do well being polite if I am not getting enough sleep. I tend to go overboard on the WITCH!!

dnt27 · September 2013

I would tell your mother, and who ever else is asking, that you have no problem asking for help/company when you want/need it. You just need to be firm in telling people no.

MrsApplelovesMrApple · September 2013

I haven't had this problem with family but have had a little bit of it with the other teachers/staff I work with. They are all so nice and well meaning (I work with some great people) but I really just wanted to do my job. My class is on the other end of the school so I even had people volunteering to pick up my work, make copies, deliver my mail...etcetera. Or tell me I shouldn't be doing this or that in the class room. I needed to sit and rest. Can't really sit down for long in a special ed classroom! But I know they're well meaning so I just smile, say "thanks for the thought", and do what I want to do.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · September 2013

This is so my MIL. Whenever DH tells his parents that he's going to be out of town for work, I cringe because I know she's going to call everyday to make sure I'm ok (even when not pregnant). Yes, I'm a grown woman. I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself. And then they always insist on taking me out to dinner - which would be nice except they eat dinner super late (like 9pm) and always want to go somewhere far away that isn't even very good (last time it was basically a no-name version of Applebee's. There's an Applebee's 3 minutes from my house. We drove 30 minutes). I just don't even answer the phone anymore.

dobrydney · September 2013

I think you should just let her know you feel smothered, like PP said. If you don't stop it now, they're going to be all over you even worse once LO arrives. It's awkward because I've had to have a somewhat similar conversation where I felt bad because I think I hurt my Dad's feelings. He made a presumptuous comment, something like, "Yeah we'll be staying with you for a couple of weeks after the baby is born" and I said something like, "We haven't decided when we'd like visitors yet". But, at least I know I told him already so I'm not dreading the awkward conversations to come!

Want a personalized experience?

Smothered

Re: Smothered

Choose Another Board

Search Boards