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NBFR - How to prepare for loss of parent

HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
in Blended Families

Totally NOT Blended family related other than the fact you ladies are so supportive and like a mini family and some of you have had this unfortunate experience.

I'm totally lost. Freaking out. Scared. Pissed Off. Sad. You name it.

How and is it even possible to prepare yourself for this kind of loss?

My mom was just told today she is going to be recommended for the lung transplant list BUT she probably will be disqualified due to previous heart issues.

Eff !!!

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Re: NBFR - How to prepare for loss of parent

  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    edited September 2013
    I'm sorry :( no real advice here just wanted to send hugs and support.
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    I'm so sorry. I have no advice, but we are all here for support. I hope it all works out for the best.
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    I`m so sorry you are going through this.  My younger brother died very suddenly in January and I can tell you I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. So if things don`t work out with a transplant, the best advice I can give is to make the most of every moment with your mom, leave nothing unsaid. Also I recently found a old message from my brother that I had deleted months before he died, it is amazing to be able to hear his voice. Take home movies, video tape your mom with your children, take pictures. You will cherish these forever. Thoughts and prayers are coming your way.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    We aren't dealing with any major illnesses like you but my grandfather has addressed his will with my mother. She's always told him, and I agree, we don't want an inheritance from him, we want the memories of time spent together doing things as a family. I don't believe there's any way to prepare. Nothing will make the pain of missing them less but we can make the most of the time we have and cherish those memories rather than feeling remorse for not making the most of the time we have. T&P for you and your family.
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    Hope, I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 
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  • joshsmandyjoshsmandy member
    I'm so sorry, there is really no way to prepare yourself for that. You can try but it is such an unpredictable thing. I lost my mom almost 3 years ago so if you need to talk p m me anytime
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I am so sorry you are going through this. When my father was dying he was too out if it after a surgery and spent 6mos in the hospital so there was no quality time but the biggest advice I can give is enjoy any good times you can. Talk about old good memories and make new ones if possible. Tell her you love her and tell her why. And if there is anything even tiny that you are still upset about tell her now so you can talk it out and let it go and ask the same of her. Take photos even if she is sick and looks bad and have her tell you her stories because she has many and you have not heard them all. Maybe have her write some of them for your kids too.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • HChadHChad member
    I am so, so, so sorry for you and your mom.  I'm going through something similar.  I've applied for an FMLA just in case.  Where I work has a very, very strict attendance policy, draconian. My dad was congestive heart failure, along with a number of other health issues.  My BFF lost her dad in her early 20's.  She's told me make as many memories as possible.  Take pictures.  Talk about her life, things she's never told you.  Relive old memories.  She cries after 13 years of her dad's passing.  Not all sad tears, some mad, some happy.  You can try to prepare yourself.

    I've decided it's not fair and I'm not ready, at 37 to lose my daddy.  But, it's not my choice to make, so I'm going to make the most of the time we have left.  And it sucks.
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    I'm so sorry to hear that. Heartbreaking
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    My grandmother did this with my great-grandparents 10 years ago.  I moved in with all of them to help out.  Here is what we did.

    1) Get one of those "This is my life" books and record your Mother as she answers the questions.  If she can answer the questions AND write them down at the same time, even better. 

    2) In your quest to make memories, do not tire out the person.  We learned this the hard way.  

    3) Pictures.  

    4) Hire someone to help you.  Seriously.  That doesn't mean a nurse per se.  Hire a house cleaner or yard guy or grocery shopper.  Take the menial away so you do not get burned out.  My grandmother aged 15-20 years in the 2 years my Nana and Papa lived with her.  

    5) Get therapy.  My Papa went from the sweetest most congenial man in the world, to a mean snarky guy almost overnight.  It was very hard on all of us.  I almost resent the fact that my siblings and cousins only have the nice memories of them, while I have the bad ones. 

    6) Ask for help from the rest of the family.  Be blunt if you have to.  I ruined my relationship with my Great-Aunt and Second Cousins because I had to call them out on their lack of support for their mother/father, grandparents and great-grandparents.  But I don't care because the second year was SOOO much better for my Grandmother.  

    7) As morbid as it sounds.  Be prepared for everything.  

    I am so sorry honey.  You can come to us for anything. Venting here is probably the best thing. 
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Oh Hope, I am so sorry. A very dear aunt of mine had lung issues and was denied a transplant.  It's heart wrenching. 

    I don't have advice, other than to cherish every moment, say what you both want to say, do what you both need to do, and be there for her as much as you can. Transplant or no transplant.  Do what you need to do so you have no personal regrets.

    My warmest thoughts and prayers to you, your mother, and the rest of your family. 

    ((hugs))

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    I spent the weekend trying to digest the news and read all of your words.

    I just really want to thank you all for taking time out of your day for the kind thoughts and prayers.

    <3

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  • redrae78redrae78 member
    Nothing can really prepare you.  

    I lost my mom 4 years ago to cancer.  They gave her 6 months but she lived for 18.  We still were not prepared.  I miss her still so very much. 

    Cherish every moment that you have with her.  Clear the air of any hurts.  Ask her what her wishes are.  You don't want to have to guess after the fact.  

    Just be there and let her know how very much she is loved.  

    You are in my prayers.  
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