I just want to whine for a moment

krm112013 · September 2013

I think I'm really just going to have to limit my time around my MIL for the rest of my pregnancy. She inevitably always says something that makes me feel all stabby inside. On more than one occasion she has referred to the baby as "her baby" "her little guy" that sort of thing and for some reason it drives me nuts. I know they're only words, but they get on my nerves for some reason.

Yesterday, she invited DH and I to her house for dinner. She does so pretty regularly, she's nice like that. I walk through the door and she says "hey, how are you?" My reply, "I'm good." She says, "you sound congested, are you feeling okay?" I reply, "I feel fine." She says, "Oh okay, I just want to make sure that my baby Michael is okay." I just looked at her and said, "he's fine." Then I changed the subject. Something about that statement just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, thanks for caring about my well being...oh wait, no, you only care about the baby. After that she proceeded to show me for the umpteenth time all the baby goods she's collecting at her house to use when she babysits. I'm not sure how often she thinks she is going to be watching our son, but I'm starting to get the impression that she's figuring quite regularly.

Now, I know she is just REALLY excited. This is her first grandchild. I get it. These hormones just have me more touchy and sensitive than I usually am. I sometimes overthink things people say to me and read too much into them. We have a great relationship, and I can't ask for a better MIL. She would do anything for anyone and she's such a kind person. Just the way she chooses to phrase things in relation to my kid drives me crazy. I'm sure I'll get over it.

Edvoncupacake · September 2013

I can definitely relate to feeling standby at certain people for no good reason. Limiting your exposure to them can make things easier!

barista411 · September 2013

I and MIL basically have no relationship any more because of things she said like that when I was pregnant with DD and how she treats me just like I am just some one who gave her a grandchild and that's it. I have found that limiting my time with her is best for all of us when I am pregnant. I tend to lack a filter and ability to keep my cool while I'm pregnant.

AlisonM12 · September 2013

I understand. My MIL exclaimed "we're having a GIRL!" When she found out it is a girl. Uh, no. IM having a girl lol. And she refers to me sometimes as just "Emily's mom", like I don't have any purpose but to gestate her grandchild. And she dragged out a 20 yr old crib for DD to use at her house (i have to break it to hethat its not up to code and wont be used, ugh) BUT I think that they (the MILs) mean well and if they knew that we were taking it how we are they would feel horrible. Hopefully once your LO is born you can set a few boundaries and it will all blow over. Sorry you're dealing with this but you're not the only one.

PeachsMama · September 2013

I get pissed at my mom every time she says her baby. No! You had no part in creating this child. Don't say he/she is yours!!!!!!

krm112013 · September 2013

Thanks ladies - it's good to know I'm not alone. MIL has always treated me like part of the family, I just hope she doesn't cross certain boundaries once LO is here. She's so unbelievably busy with her job that I don't think there will be any issues. Here's hoping...

Elreid · September 2013

GAHH!!! I think we have the same MIL....Mine thinks its OK to refer to it as a "_____ baby" these words can either be SO's last name, referring to him as HER baby, or any other thing that she could possibly think of to piss me off. I really hate when she refers to it as SO's last name because I don't think she realizes that I am doing a lot of the work and not getting any credit for it. I placed a baby for adoption three years ago and I knew that she was never MY baby....now that I am pregnant and expecting a little man of my own, she wont even acknowledge it! So frustrating. She thinks that she will be babysitting often, also...NOPE! and she always says that she WILL feel the baby move. I haven't let her yet. I don't really let other people touch my belly, even my own parents, why should I feel comfortable with her doing it!? Your so lucky that yours has a job. Mine says that she cant get a job because she has two kids in sports and doesn't have time for one (she and her two other kids live off of child support and the government). So she has all the time in the world to nag me about this baby. I feel like the only reason she "acts" like she likes me is because of the baby. And the other night she left her two kids (10 and 13) at home, alone and didn't tell them where she was going. We later find out she went on a date...and she thinks I'm going to let her watch my child after she's not even responsible enough to take care of her own...I DON'T THINK SO LADY!

Sorry for the rant..I am just so tired of her that I don't even want her at the hospital....

katie.725 · September 2013

Your MIL needs to check herself before your LB comes out there and gives her a what-for!!!

Just kidding... sucks she's like that...here's hoping she comes to her senses soon

::internet hugs::

wendy2613 · September 2013

My DH's whole family, which is large and all live in town, are all very overbearing. I try and put some space there but it's hard when they just randomly stop by our house all the time.

fiddlefern · September 2013

barista411 said:

I and MIL basically have no relationship any more because of things she said like that when I was pregnant with DD and how she treats me just like I am just some one who gave her a grandchild and that's it. I have found that limiting my time with her is best for all of us when I am pregnant. I tend to lack a filter and ability to keep my cool while I'm pregnant.

THIS. When I was pregnant with DS my MIL made me feel like I was only an incubator. It really ticked me off (among other things she has done).

krm112013 · September 2013

fiddlefern said:

barista411 said:

I and MIL basically have no relationship any more because of things she said like that when I was pregnant with DD and how she treats me just like I am just some one who gave her a grandchild and that's it. I have found that limiting my time with her is best for all of us when I am pregnant. I tend to lack a filter and ability to keep my cool while I'm pregnant.

THIS. When I was pregnant with DS my MIL made me feel like I was only an incubator. It really ticked me off (among other things she has done).

This is how I feel sometimes with some of the things she says. Like all I'm good for now is birthing this child. She fails to acknowledge that I am half this kid's DNA. She's always saying how LO is going to look just like his Dad, have all the same characteristics, etc. etc. I'm praying this kid comes out with Donald Trump like hair just because she is so dead set on him being completely bald "just like his Daddy" when he's born. I'm perfectly okay with my kid being bald, but I'd so love it if he has a full head of hair just to spite her, haha. Maybe he will look just like me! Bahaha!

Edited: I had more to say.

Bmaristuen · September 2013

So glad I am not alone! I've said for months that I feel like my MIL thinks it's her baby! She has bought so many clothes for him I feel like I can't even shop for my own son anymore! I'm sure pregnancy hormones have us overreacting and I'm hoping these feelings go away, but I'm still a little worried how things will be once OUR son arrives

winderslane · September 2013

She's just excited! Be thankful that she is collecting things for the baby. Think of the alternative- someone who is disengaged, wrapped up in her own life, uninterested in the pregnancy. I doubt she means anything by any of her comments. One day we are all going to be MILs ourselves. I hope we have daughter in laws who give us the benefit of the doubt

Winecheese&grapes · September 2013

I hate to say it but this sounds like paradise!! I think the hormones just you a little touchy b/c I read the OP and was wondering what the issue was!

If you feel like an incubator now, just wait till LO is here! You're going to be totally invisible! Think Christmas Day, you walk in your MIL's house for dinner and everyone makes a B line for the baby, takes the car seat to the living room and walks away from you as if you're not there! Haha! It's coming! The better way to look at it is there is no such thing as too much love for your LO! And have some cookies, they make everything better.

Lindsayloring1 · September 2013

Haha I remember posting something similar to this a while back, and everyone thought that I was being unreasonable and that MIL is just excited. Yes, that is true and I love that she is excited (12th granddaughter!!) but the possessiveness over my child is sooooo annoying to me. She still does it, and she knows it makes me crazy, but I've just had to deal because no matter if I'm nice or snarky, the Connie show must still go on. :-) good luck to you, it can be hard a lot of the time to find the patience, but I can promise you it's way better to have an overbearing/excited MIL than someone like my own mom who didn't even bring a gift to my baby shower... (She physically went to BBB to pick up a gift from my grandmother, but didn't bother to bring anything and then called me tonight to talk shit about the gift i recieved from the hostess, really?!?) and trust me, it's not that she can't afford it... That's another post for another day.

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