Do you ever worry about being disappointed?

Tigger & pooh · September 2013

DH and I were talking yesterday about my birth plan and brought up a concern he has. He is worried I am focusing do much on on how I want everything to be and work that I am setting myself up to feel disappointed of it doesn't turn out perfect. To some point I feel he maybe right. This will be our last child and I really do have perfect vision of how I want this birth to go and I can be pretty hard on myself if I "give up". Does anyone else have concerns like this? Have you done anything to try and let go of that pressure?

mrssamarataylor · September 2013

I felt the same way when I was just starting my second trimester. I made a birth plan and imagined how perfect my birth was going to be. I have to be honest though as a FTM I had NO clue what to even 'imagine'. You can't focus on what would make it perfect for you, you have to imagine what the main goals you have for yourself and try to keep towards that direction. By the time I was in labor, my birth plan was out the window and I kept my four important points. I wanted a natural birth, I wanted to let the cord pulse before cutting, I wanted husband to cut the cord, and I wanted to BF and have skin to skin immediately after he came out. The great thing about narrowing down my expectations was that they all happened according to plan. I can say I had the perfect birth but If I were to have printed my birth plan and went crazy about keeping to every point I would have not had the perfect experience. I thought I'd want to labor on my hands and knees...I labored on my back and pushed on my back. I wanted NOTHING to do with my hands and knees. So you may get to the point where even YOU don't want anything to do with some things on your plan. Don't think of it as 'giving up'!

So to answer your question, yes I had concerns like that. I was actually neurotic about it all. What I did to let go of the pressure was focus on the most important things and base my perfection of my birth experience by the end result; my beautiful baby boy. I hope that helps you out.

sschwege · September 2013

I know what you are saying. I had the same worries with my first. Then with my second, my concern was that my first birth had gone so well, I felt like I had no where to go but down. Plus I put extra pressure on myself to go med-free again because I felt like it wouldn't be fair to my second if I didn't. Irrational I know, but that's how I felt.

I think you just have to prepare for the birth you want with the acceptance that when the day comes things may change. So much is beyond our control, that we just have to roll with what the day brings.

rooftop · September 2013

I saw this as a potential situation so instead of a birth plan I laid out "birth preferences" so I could envision the "perfect birth" but also feel prepared to flex if things didn't go perfect.

aylafsu88 · September 2013

I think the big this is to remember that L&D is unpredictable. There is no pattern and every labor is different. I completely agree with rooftop, looking at it as your birth preference is a better approach. One of the things we did in the Bradley class was to rank things in terms of labor as the most important and least important to us. I remember ranking things like no pain meds, no augmentation of labor with pitocin, skin to skin immediately, etc as most important to me. I ranked things like an episiotomy and pitocin after delivery as least important to me. The ranking did help me get an idea about what I felt strongly about and what I would compromise on if needed.
As for being hard on yourself, I think that is normal and most of us have been hard on ourselves about certain things. I know that even though I had the birth I wanted I was still hard on myself about how I acted during pushing. I was disappointed that I screamed, wailed, and flailed around like a crazy person. I yelled for the OB to get the baby out of me. I am so embarrassed and disappointed in myself about that. The big thing that I had to tell myself is that we are all human, L&D is unpredictable, and despite our plans things wont go perfectly.

CLLDLL · September 2013

I think what you're feeling is totally natural. For me (a complete control freak type-A personality) it helped to just approach labor as one of those things in life I can't control. I made a list of what I would like to have happened, but also educated myself on other possiblities. So I learned about c-sections and what happens, just so that I wouldn't be so scared and feel so helpless should I end up needing one. Honestly in the heat of the moment, you won't care so much that everything goes perfectly according to plan. You'll just want a happy healthy baby.

barista411 · September 2013

My DH talks to me about that all the time. I went into my first L&D with DD a minimal birth plan. I knew I wanted as little intervention as possible and as natural as possible. I didn't have anything in writing and wasn't worried about it. I had a beautiful labor but had a few complications during delivery. I never felt dissapointed about how things went i was thrilled DD was healthy and i made it without an epidural or any form of pain medication until after DD was delivered. I now have to have a birth a very detailed birth plan with this L&D to hopefully avoid the complications from the last. I know I have my birth plan but I would like be in the same mindset that ultimately the important thing is delivering DS safely and healthy. I keep all of the knowledge I have learned in the fore front of my mind and trust my MW to make the best decision for DS and I. I constantly remind myself my only goal is to do the best I can to get my DS here safely. I am hoping that keeps me grounded and understanding if things don't go according to plan. My first delivery was a very clear example of how anything could happen.

annabelle.27 · September 2013

To be honest, my birth (home waterbirth vbac).went exactly as planned and I was still disappointed as hell. I really bought into the "I felt so empowered as a woman/felt like superwoman after having a csection the first time around/it was such a beautiful moment" stories I had heard that, when I was left just feeling like I had walked in front of a truck, I felt inadequate, then betrayed, then stupid for voluntarily stepping in front of that metaphorical truck.

Tigger & pooh · September 2013

annabelle.27 said:

To be honest, my birth (home waterbirth vbac).went exactly as planned and I was still disappointed as hell. I really bought into the "I felt so empowered as a woman/felt like superwoman after having a csection the first time around/it was such a beautiful moment" stories I had heard that, when I was left just feeling like I had walked in front of a truck, I felt inadequate, then betrayed, then stupid for voluntarily stepping in front of that metaphorical truck.

YEah, I kind of felt that way after my first. It went pretty much the way I planned but yet I felt so crappy afterwards. Then my second went really fast and would have been great if the staff at the hospital wasn't arguing and yelling at me for not doing things the way they wanted me to. I am switching hospitals this time but I am just really scared I am going to meet a lot of opposition again for wanting a natural/intervention free birth.

J&Jaggies06 · September 2013

I made our plan and all along thought to myself "I wonder what part of this isn't going to go as planned". I knew something wouldn't go as planned. I think as long as you are realistic you won't be disappointed. For me it was my labor being so fast and being GBS+ that was not ideal. I had barely gotten the first dose if antibiotics when I started pushing so it caused us to stay in the hospital an extra day. Not the end of the world but I would have rather left at 24hrs. I was ready to be home.

Want a personalized experience?

Do you ever worry about being disappointed?

Re: Do you ever worry about being disappointed?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards