Do you ever cave to peer pressure?

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

Like, the mom kind? Every once in a while, when it's a one-time thing?

Example - we had a birthday party tonight at Chuck-E-Cheese (ugh). My four year old followed one of his friends to this game and they started putting tokens in. I saw it was a shooting game that involved scary zombies and ugly things with big teeth, and I said "Oh, guys, I don't think we want this one, why don't we try a different one?" And right then, friend's mom and grandma came over and grandma said, "Oh, he loves this one! Last time we were here, it was the only game he played." And she proceeded to help the boys put their tokens in.

So, I let her do it. The alternative was to haul my kid away saying "No, honey, I think we'll find a better game over here" in an uptight voice and have him pitch a fit, or even worse, to be direct and say "we don't allow games with guns in OUR home." Which, while true, sounds incredibly snotty and judgey when directed at a parent whose kid is about to blow a bunch of zombies to smithereens. So, I let him have a go or two at the zombies and then told him it was someone else's turn and steered him to Guitar Hero.

Do you ever do this? Cave about food or activities or whatever because you're around people you know and like and you don't want to cause a stink or be thought of as "that" mom?

notkateanymore · September 2013

Yes. I think it's natural to do it, but I could be wrong? Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle to me. I don't think of it as caving so much as just picking my battles.

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

I've done it in other situations, too. Like, I hate Sponge Bob, but if I've picked my kid up from a playdate and Spongebob was playing on TV, I'm not exactly going to say "Oh, I noticed last time that the kids were watching Spongebob, and we don't care for that...would you make a point not to put it on this time?" I'd just sound like a freak.

I guess I'm just figuring that although there are certain things I would prefer they not be exposed to, they usually aren't such a big deal that I'm willing to make other people uncomfortable about it, especially if I know it's really isolated.

Mrs.Hizzo · September 2013

cjcouple said:

I can see how the spongebob thing is tricky. I had a junk food problem with my neighbor. She gave my ds a huge ice cream right before dinner without asking once. Ds told me at dinner. I was pissed and next time he was going over I did have to say "oh D, btw... I know you were just being sweet but can you please text and ask before any junk food or ice cream for b?" I explained what happened the last time. She apologized and she never did again. I also sat with ds and told him he is not allowed junk without asking first. Now he says he has to ask me. In the above case, are your kids are old enough to speak up and say they're not allowed spongebob? Or you could talk to them about the behavior in the show and expecting them not to repeat it, etc

You know, the reality is, they're pretty decent kids. One episode of Sponge Bob is not going to turn them into uncontrollable potty mouths or negate all of their training, and I know this. Just like I know, logically, that two minutes of shooting giant mutant crabs is not going to turn my sweet youngest into some aggressive psychopath child, but it still makes me cringe.

A third kid, who's dad I'm pretty good friends with, came running up begging to play while we were there, and the dad looked really perplexed when he saw the game. I whispered, "My husband's jaw would drop to the floor if he knew I was letting the kids play this." He said, "Yeah, this is awful." But then he let his son have two turns before they joined us at Guitar Hero. So I figure I can't be the only one.

penguingrrl · September 2013

I have caved a bit in situations like that as well. I would do my best to steer them away from violent shooter games, but if I couldn't do it without making it obvious that I'm saying "those games are bad" and insinuating that the parent with us is clearly doing a disservice by allowing their kid to play I would probably cave. While I have my own ideals and values, I don't want to be seen as the uptight bitch who judges everyone around her.

We were at a playdate once with someone who I like a lot and I was absolutely aghast at what her 6 y/o was eating. From the time I picked both girls up from camp at 11:30 until we left at 4 the kid had: a rice krispie treat, a fruit by the foot, a lunchables for lunch (with hershey kisses), two ice pops and two lollipops. Julia and Emma had a lunchable (mom invited us for lunch and had gotten them for the kids) an ice pop and a lollipop each as well. That would never have flown in my house, but we were invited over and there was no way I was going to be rude when this mom was being hospitable. I figured that we feed them well at home so they can enjoy treats elsewhere.

Minipenguin · September 2013

This hasnt come up for me but Im sure I would do exactly the same thing. Like you said, one game isn't going to make a normal kid into a psycho so it is not really worth making someone feel judged or coming across as a sanctimommy, IMO.

ta78 · September 2013

I have caved in similar situations. One time things that don't harm my kids.

goillini823 · September 2013

I've caved in situations like that as well. I feel that as long as it's not the norm, my kid eating/doing something once isn't going to ruin them. I usually also explain to my kid later on that it was a treat for them to be able to do/eat/watch whatever it was.

Spin313 · September 2013

I think it's pretty normal to let some things slide and be tough about other things.

My neighbors kids are always running around with Popsicles and treats. A couple times, she's asked if DS would like one...I usually say, "no thank you, it's a little to close to mealtime." I feel like a meanie sometimes, but it is what it is.

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