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Vent. I really should have come here first!

Sunday924Sunday924 member
in Blended Families
I fought with BM over text today for 2 hours. Flame away because I deserve it. It was so ridiculous and it shouldn't have happend. I WANT her to be a good mom but she is ONLY worried about herself. Since SS saw his mom and finding out about SF's arrest he has acted out and the police have even had to be called to our house because his behavior. I know we all play our part but the way it all happend we really think seeing her brought this all out. DH txt her he doesn't think she should see him anymore. He is worried about SS's safety and his mental well being. He told BM it will only be a matter of time before she disappears again and we are once again left to pick up the pieces. That was what BM and I were fighting about. She has called SS three times today. I don't think she has called him three times in the last three months. The third time she called she was crying telling SS we weren't going to let her see him anymore. WTF? Who does that to their own kid?! She is upset because her husband is gone (as she has every right to be) and is trying to fill that void. She is only trying to see SS because SF is gone and only wants to see him because DH said no. Selfish woman!!!! Oh and just to add I did tell BM that I WANT her to see SS. I think SS needs a mom AND a dad and needs to see ALL his siblings. He needs her he just needs the "right" her. He needs her not to be in and out and to be sober.
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Re: Vent. I really should have come here first!

  • ambrvanambrvan member
    No advise because you probably handled it better than I would have. So glad your H took a stand. I know people are probably going to say ignore her next time or just don't pick up the phone, but honestly, sometimes people need a reality check! Some people just need someone to be up front with them. Who knows, you may be the only person in the world they ever encounter who will hold them accountable and make them face the mirror.
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Get your ducks in a row.  If there was a police call to your house, the odds are you will get a CPS visit.  I know that WE did when SS attacked DH.  

    As for your situation, can you get your SS into therapy and tell BM that she needs to participate in the therapy sessions? 
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I think it was wrong for your XH to tell her  doesn't think she should see her own son.  Despite who or what you think she is, that's her son.  Unless he is in physical danger, you can't keep him from her.   What does your CO say?  If it states she gets him at specific times, then you have to allow that.  If you don't have one, then maybe your husband could suggest supervised visits.

    And I agree with Illumine - suggest therapy.  Regardless of her decision, your SS should be in it.

    You can WANT all you want, but it's not up to you how she parents, so you have to accept who she is and work around that.  If she's a craptastic mom, then you need to counter that the best you can by being rock solid, stable, dependable, etc.,and again - therapy.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    This was her first visit in NINE months. We do have a CO and she uses her time as she pleases. She can come Friday and there will be nothing we can do about it. I do believe he is in physical danger with her but if she shows at 6 he will still be going with her. We should have done therapy a long time ago but I actually just contacted a lady that was reffered to us on Friday and on Monday I will call insurance and get the ball rolling. I don't plan to get BM involved with the sessions. The only reason she is back in town to see SS is because her husband is in jail and she has no job so she had to leave her apartment.
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    She was probably higher than a kite when she called SS crying. She is on disability so she gets to legally take meds but she abuses them. Her and her H met in a sober house. Two peas in a pod!
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