Religion and a Growing Family

Kate070 · September 2013

Mixing it up with something a little different...

Anyone else here in a different religion that your DH and/or in-laws?

My in-laws and I get along pretty well. They claim to like me, I like them. But I've always been a little worried that that's going to fall apart one day, and I kind of figured that day would be when DH and I had kids. Thing is, they're rather religious (FIL is actually a pastor), and I think they assume that DH and I share their views. Thing is, we don't... DH's religious views are rather eclectic, and I identify as Pagan.

It actually hasn't come up so far. Our wedding was secular, and they didn't seem to have an issue with it. They live a couple states away, so we don't see them all that often. When we do, I'm quietly polite (like, they say a prayer before a meal, I sit there quietly. I wouldn't lead a prayer, but I'll be respectful). They haven't asked about our church or anything, and DH has said they probably just figure we go to one like their around here. I've never really seen a reason to just tell them about my beliefs, though if they asked, I'd be honest.

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm a little worried that their grandchild could cause some distress... as in, "When will you have the baptism?" "Oh. Um, never."

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyone else in a similar boat? How do you see it going? Or, if you're already there, how do you handle religious differences in the extended family?

Unknown · September 2013

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Arinias · September 2013

They do seem like they haven't been pushy so far, so hopefully it will stay that way? DH and I have different religious beliefs. My family is Christian and fairly religious. I maintain the beliefs but am a bit more relaxed about it. DH says he is a pagan, but really he doesn't practice anything, I think of him as more an agnostic. We did have my family pastor run our wedding and DH is very respectful of my parents' beliefs. And even though he doesn't believe in it he has gone to church with me in the past. I probably would go to church now if I didn't work Sundays. I hope to bring our child to church since it was a big part of my life growing up and DH would allow me to, but we also decided we will not force them to go if they choose not to when they are older.

pandadair · September 2013

I am in almost that exact. Same. Situation. My husband's family is hardcore Catholic (like, framed pictures of the Pope on the wall). My husband identifies as Catholic if asked, but we've never gone to church or done anything remotely religious-y. And then you have me, the atheist. Like you, though, we just try to be inclusive. We actually did have some religious passages in our wedding. My only requirement was that I not have to say anything religion-based in my vows. Baptism hasn't come up, but I really think, if it comes down to it, we'll just do it to make them happy. I think the whole practice is silly (sorry), but if it means that much to them, then I'll suck it up. It's not really any skin off my teeth, and it's not like my baby will remember.

rainydayluck · September 2013

I'm atheist and ILs are hard core Jesus and my dad is catholic. DD isn't baptized and I don't ever plan on doing it. No one has said a word about it. In about 3 months we will be going to my nephew's baptism (BIL and SIL's new kid) and no one better say a word to us about why we didn't do it.

flutepharm87 · September 2013

I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic. Neither of us practice fully, but I practice more than DH and it's super important to me to have Jewish kids while DH doesn't care. So, we raise our boys Jewish. We made a concession for DH's grandmother since she does so much us and also had the boys baptized Catholic for her, but were very clear that that's as far as it goes. The same will happen with this baby.

tjkdlhb · September 2013

DD was named after a member of DH's family who had passed away. A lot of them were older and were so happy we chose that name. They wanted her to be baptized formally and really, it meant more to them that she be baptized. To us, while we aren't super religious, we decided that although it didn't matter to us if she was baptized that it meant so much to them that we went along and did it anyway. She can decide if she wants to go to church or not when she is older. We don't regularly go now.

Empireceo · September 2013

I consider myself Catholic but I'm pretty disenchanted with the church, so I don't go to weekly Mass (even though I literally live next door to a Catholic Church.) my husband is agnostic. We baptized my son because to him it was just having water poured on his head while to me, not baptizing him wpuld have made me feel very sad an guilty. We plan to expose DS to all the world religions and not push any particular one on him.

MissLadyTay · September 2013

MH's family are Catholic and my family are Methodists. MH and I are both atheists. It hasn't been as much of a problem as I thought it would be. We aren't opposed to our kids learning about religions so we take our son to church with our parents on the major holidays. Or let our parents take him.

ckandi007 · September 2013

I'm agnostic and DH is Jewish. We always agreed that we'd always raise our kids with both cultures. DH is very lax and we don't keep kosher (which his mom often gives him the side-eye for), but we did have a bris so our kiddo was converted then. We celebrate the holidays together and I prepare traditional Jewish dishes. Religion isn't really an issue and I'm sure my MIL wishes we were more involved (she's an Orthodox Jew), but she respects the decisions that we've made for our family.

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