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Blended Families
Sunday924
member
"Find the money"
Sunday924
member
I just saw this in a post below and I'm really curious if people who say this (I've seen it a lot) have actually had to struggle with money. With SS we paid over 10000 in legal fees. We had to borrow the money from his step dad. There was no other way to get the money. If something happend tomorrow we would be SOL and have no money to fight. I'm not being snarky I'm really just wondering what you do if you don't have a way? Saying make a way is too easy.
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Re: "Find the money"
We figured it out. None of my family was willing to help. MIL helped a lot. A couple other people we did not even know that well voluntarily offered us a loan. We took out a title loan on our only vehicle, the only thing we had to our name.
We did everything we could. DH and I had a mattress on the floor and some plastic totes for our stuff, but the kids never went without. I went back to work early. DS was only four weeks old when I went to work full time at $8. A couple of months later DH was out of a job. When he finally found another job (minimum wage), I was laid off for the summer. Then in my birthday while I was laid off, DH suffered from heat exhaustion at work, passed out, was sent to the hospital, and then "laid off" the next day.
From then (summer 2010) until last year, I worked two jobs. DH worked odd jobs when he couldn't find work, and we sold what we could, used church our Goodwill utility assistance when we had to. We had foodstamps. We only had one vehicle until this February. We have gone without cable or internet until just about two weeks ago. We have had internet on our phones because we had to have internet (school) and our town actually does not have a public library.
Last academic year, I worked as the bread winner and let DH focus on school because I had a decent enough job that I could squeeze the ends together if I tried really hard. And we had to go back to court this Spring. DH and I took out a loan that we were only able to get because my boss is on the bank's board of directors. They went out on a limb for us even though we didn't meet their criteria.
So no. Finding a way and just making it work is not as easy as it sounds. But it's doable. We did it, and I don't think I'm exaggerating when say we had to work pretty darn hard, harder than a lot of people (not all), to get it done.
But now I'm sitting in a pretty nice living room in a pretty nice house. My kids are both in their own very nice rooms (up until we moved here last year, they shared). My DH has finally achieved his longtime goal of becoming an EMT with an actual plan to progress and further himself. I am back in college, as well. Both DH and I have jobs we love in the careers we want making more money than we have ever made before, though still pennies to a lot of people. I think we have done extremely well for where we started.
We owe it to God. There is no way that the numbers add up. There is no way we should have been able to live on the money we had sometimes, let alone across up attorney fees. We were blessed immeasurably.
I asked my dad about this when we were thinking about going to court and he said children are always more important than money. You make money, you lose money, you find money, you win money. It's just a thing. This child only gets one life.
We had the money to spend and yes we spent thousands on thousands on THOUSANDS and essentially lost. But we can tell SS we fought our asses off and it didn't go our way. We have no regrets.
If it were my child I would be picking up a third job, selling my car and taking the bus or doing anything I had to to pay for an attorney over a custody fight. I would find the money.
But we were still living paycheck to paycheck and barely making it. But we busted our asses to get to the level we are at now. It's no new story in a county that has over 12% unemployment right now (as of July, and it hasn't been much better since about 2007). We only moved last year, but this county still has a 10% unemployment rate. And they count the people who go door to door selling baked good as self-employed, and you actually see a lot of people doing that in the central areas of town. A two income family here that makes more than $30k a year is rolling in the dough, so to speak.
That said, I am in no way blaming the economy in our situation. Granted, we both could have done better elsewhere. But we put ourselves in the situation we started in and then made the right choice that put us even further "down the ladder." But we worked out butts off to get to a secure place. And while Dave Ramsey' s plan is working for us now, sometimes you have to be in a better position to even think about paying of debt or building an emergency fund. Not everybody started out in that position. And some people didn't have a choice about where they started, only where they ended up.
Sorry for the novels here. I feel like I'm hijacking the thread. But this is obviously a very sensitive subject for me. To look at us, you could never have told that we had "money troubles" but I hate when people are just like "you can fix that." You can work your butt of everyday life we have and still be struggling. And there are so many people out there struggling so much more than I have ever experienced. And believe it or not, a lot them are working their butts off.
Luckily Ex had no money at all. He was doing what he did now and lived with mama and worked freelance. He spent what he had on new tech that he "needed". *shrugs*
Also what saves us is, Ex will get a stick up his butt because of his parents, but he is to lazy to even do the research himself or go talk to the local legal aid. I will. I have no problems going down there to find out how to file motions. I have also worked my butt off making sure things (visitation) and what not is documented and sealing holes in our CO. I wish I would have put some more in there, but that is ok. If we needed a lawyer now, we would be able to get one and I know DH would fight for "his boys". We know we can pull loans on the cars and house. If needed FIL would help. I would even go back to working a 3rd shift and pray that C did not have issues with it again.
DS2 - 8/08
DS3- 9/09
DD1 - 11/11
DD2 - 10/13
DD3 - Csection Scheduled November 29th
"find the money" can mean several things. I was lucky enough to find it thru my father, who I am paying back. I am also starting a legal fund. I may have a great job, but by no means does it pay for everything, and I will not have much extra to spend loosely. Money will be tight in my household. I also have an investment fund that will mostly go to my retirement, but if I have to pull some for legal reasons, I can. If I had to work a night job...I would. I'd find a way.
I recognize that there are people who dont have the resources I do- I was lucky to have that 401k to fall back on. Many people don't.
I like to think that if I was in the situation of the other poster, I would be able to find the money no matter what, but I think some people just don't have it. I think the number of people who really just can't find it though is v low.
I was "lucky" enough that I received part of my inheritance from my grandmother right before I needed to get a lawyer. If DH and I had to come up with a large sum of money quickly the only options we would have are: 1. Borrow from my parents - I know this isn't an option for everyone. I am lucky enough that my parents are not hurting financially and they have the mindset that "money is just money, it doesn't matter". They would help us out in a heartbeat. 2. Take out a personal/payday loan. We've had to do this before, for a very small amount, and the interest is ridiculous! But in the case of a child in danger it would be totally worth it. Again, this might not be an option for everyone. Some people might not meet the income requirements, or have too much debt in the first place. 3. Cash out my 401K. Again, not everyone has a 401K to be able to do this.
To the OP from the other thread, I wish you all the luck possible.