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Working Moms
SparkySharky
member
What we have here is a failure to communicate...
SparkySharky
member
in Working Moms
FTM here with my first nanny. She's in-home and watches between 2-4 other kids depending on what day it is. I got GREAT references for her, including one from a mom who is also an attorney for child protective services (or so I've been told) and has had 3 of her LOs with her over the past 5 years or so.
However. I'm having a ridiculous time communicating with my nanny! I have never been able to get a straight answer about what DS's schedule is even though she claims it's a rigid one. When either DH or I ask how DS's day was, we get sarcastic responses ("He's a baby." "He talked on the phone to his girlfriend all day."). He came home once with a poop that seared his little bottom and when I asked her about it, she was very defensive and even claimed that it was my fault, b/c I dropped him off with a poopy diaper (he was clean when we left the house). Even after we spoke about it, she was still very offended that I'd asked b/c she thought I was accusing her of leaving him in a poopy diaper. I explained that it was something that any responsible parent would ask about, but...it didn't seem to sink in. Today, my husband noticed a tear on his cheek (not actively crying) and asked, "Oh, he has a tear. Did he have a bad day?" Her response was, "Why don't you ask him?" He's 10 mos old. She backtracked quickly, but still seemed offended that my DH even asked.
She also acts like she never has enough supplies, she's constantly criticizing my mothering, and whenever we talk about DS (about little stuff), it's as if she's watching a completely different kid - which is part of her opening for how she assumes I'm a bad mother. Her assumptions about me are just these endless stereotypical assumptions... We fought constantly about feeding DS for about 4 months (she was chronically overfeeding him breastmilk which I couldn't produce enough of to meet her "demand"), until I just gave her exactly what I wanted her to feed him with notes indicating what time to feed him what. I still don't trust that she feeds him what I bring her or sticks to the amount, but it's less critical now.
The bottomline is that I don't think she's harming DS. I mostly worry about whether he gets a lot of attention and I worry that she leaves him in his carseat too long; but he's a very happy, complacent, self-soothing dream of a little man. If he was more demanding, I would worry that she's traumatizing him, but he's a cool cucumber. Do I have a sit-down with her to try and iron out these communication issues? Or is this stuff that's so out-of-bounds that you all would dropkick her? I've talked to my doctor about some of the concerning things and she didn't think anything was too alarming, so I'm kind of inclined to schedule a chat. But there's a lot of nannies in the ocean, too, so maybe we should just find a better fit.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What we have here is a failure to communicate...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DS born Dec 10, 2013
My MIL overfed my EBF DD once. She gave two bottles in 1 feeding. She spit up everywhere and had a bad tummy ache. There was reason why I told her not to do it because I know my DD and its what I could produce. Her approach seems off.
Also sounds like an unlicensed daycare calling herself a nanny.
For comparison, I use a daycare center and when DD was in the infant room her teachers would respond to my inquiry about her day with details on how she ate, napped and what her general mood was. And if anything interesting happened that day they would share that with me as well.
For example: "DD was following Noah around all day. It was really cute. They were laughing together. Looks like they are becoming good friends!" or "DD was more clingy than normal today. I noticed her chewing and think she may be teething. We took her temperature and it was normal."
References are great, but did you speak with anyone who has his/her kids there? Paper references are easily hand created. Maybe I'm cynical, but I generally do not trust references from strangers unless I can talk to the stranger directly (and then I still take them with a grain of salt). Plus, anyone who I pay to watch my child better not be rude to me/my husband. Very unprofessional and uncool.
We switched DS from one Center to another because we were not pleased with the original place and it's made a huge difference for our son. No shame in chalking up the first "nanny" as an experience and moving your kiddo. Trust your gut.
Drop kick.
I only had to get to this line of your post before thinking, "oh, hell no": "When either DH or I ask how DS's day was, we get sarcastic responses ("He's a baby." "He talked on the phone to his girlfriend all day.")."
Seriously though - having good, open communication with the person who cares for your child is vital. This doesn't sound like a miscommunicaton issue. She has a terrible attitude and quite frankly, doesn't even really sound like she likes children. I would never be able to put up with someone like her and I definitely would not want my child to have to spend his days with her.
I know finding daycare is tough, but there are good ones - great ones - out there who know how to properly care for children, who love children, and who totally understand how hard it is for parents to leave their children all day with, in essence, strangers. The good ones want to make it as easy and comfortable for you as possible. Look around and I'm sure you'll find a better place for your son.
Edited because I meant to comment on this: He came home once with a poop that seared his little bottom and when I asked her about it, she was very defensive and even claimed that it was my fault, b/c I dropped him off with a poopy diaper (he was clean when we left the house).
Um, so, by her excuse she basically saying she didn't check - or change - his diaper at any point when he was in her care, or that she did and just left the poop in there? She's not even smart enough to know her bullsh*t answer makes her look even worse.
Polyp removed/hypothyriod 6/2011
7/2011 IUI#1 w/ 150 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger BFN
8/2011 IUI#2 w/225 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger BFN
10/2011 IUI#3 w/300 Follistim/Ovidrel trigger (BFP)
beta #1: 195 beta#2: 502
7/2013 Back to RE because my uterus is OLD
Agreed. I am also a vote for pulling your child from her care immediately. She is being completely unprofessional wi you, and I'd hate to think she extends that attitude to your son. Now, my first baby-sitter before sending Jke to daycare said things like that to me, but she's one of my best friends (knew her before Jake was born) and we have that kind of relationship for me to know she was just beingbsilly. She always followed up with an earnest response. Jake's current daycare has always been very upfront regarding his schedule and answering any questions. One time, the teacher in the room actually stayed after closing time (we showed up on time to pick him up, but got to talking) and never rushed me out or anything; we had her full attention and she made sure we were satisfied with the information. Trust is the most important thing between a parent and anyone caring dor her child. That trust cannot exist without open and honest (and PROFESSIONAL) communication.
This is exactly what our center does. I get daily notes and we talk every single day. We also get a weekly summary e-mail. Nothing is ever condescending or questioning. I would find a new provider right away.