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December 2010 Moms
kat81again2
member
Am I crazy? How would you do it? talking to a toddler about birth
kat81again2
member
It's kind of been my goal / mantra of having a child/children to just be honest and not make scientific & bodily things too cutesy and downright wrong. No, that doesn't mean going into gory details, and it does mean twisting truth in order to simplify, but we don't want to outright lie for the sake of "protecting" our children from something. For example, when DS grabs his junk and is talking about it I say "that is your penis." not "wee wee" or whatever else.
So, DS and I have been talking a lot about the baby who's going to be joining the family any day now. DS has gotten more and more into this concept and is very excited. He is sweet and he "hugs" the baby or kisses it sometimes spontaneously (kissing my belly). We've told DS that mommy and daddy will be going to the hospital to get the baby out of mommy's belly - DS really needs warning about stuff like this because it will mean a babysitter or hopefully FIL watching him overnight, and he does so much better not being surprised by stuff like that. I think he instinctively knows it will hurt me (or he's overheard bits and pieces of conversations about being in labor) because he's said something like, "mama be ok? don't want baby to hurt mommy!" And I've been able to answer this by admitting the pain but toning it down and comparing it to his being constipated trying to push his poop out--that it does hurt somewhat, and that I have to push as well to get the baby out. I do want to warn him about the pain in case for some reason I'm laboring at home while he's here and he has to see me in pain, just so he doesn't get too scared/worried.
In this process of talking to DS, I've really wanted to describe more about how the baby comes out. So, I showed DS a cross-sectional illustration/cartoon of a baby inside a mother. He now understands that the head is down and says "the baby is upside down in there!" Today I found more images of the head coming out so he can understand how the baby comes out. I think he originally thought it would come out through my belly button or something! They are ALL drawings (albeit scientific ones) so it's not too gory or whatever!
Is this too much for a toddler, or do you think it's ok? I'm talking about things like this:
and this
What would / did you do with your toddler?
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Re: Am I crazy? How would you do it? talking to a toddler about birth
I think those pics are ok, but I would get nervous, *personally* if he asked WHERE the baby was coming out of. We use "penis" with DS, but he doesn't know "vagina" yet. That is where my comfort level is at right now.
As far as talking about you being in pain. I'd say it's probably going to hurt a little, but the doctors will make sure mommy is ok & the doctors will take care of me.
Personally though and this may be UO or not....I would try and focus on some of the more long term things he will experience rather than the day or two you'll be in hospital/in labor (unless you plan on him to witness the birth then he should be prepared). I only say this because if you focus too much on vaginal deliveries then what if you have a c-section? ....all of your work in prepping him would have left out a huge chunk of info for him since recovery from a c-section is a bit different than vaginal. I think frank discussions and exploration of the new baby gear stuff he'll see will help him adjust once the baby's in his home turf such as breastfeeding/pumping, diaper changing, having to take turns/be patient since there will be times you'll be busy with the baby and your older LO will have a demand or two at the exact same time, etc. Definitely answer his questions. A was a lot younger so he didn't have as many questions and such when J was due to be born. We did talk a lot about the people who would potentially be watching him though for when I did go to the hospital. (My sis, my mom, and our babysitter depending on when and who was available.) that way they'd all be fresh in his memory. It worked out well since I ended up going in in the middle of the night after he'd gone to bed, contractions started around midnight so we had no idea it'd be that night, but when he woke up to my sister being there he did ok because she reminded him that we had gone to the hospital to have the baby and she'd take him there to see us all when it was time. We tried to keep the focus when we talked on how it would impact him rather than what would happen to me since kids in general tend to be more ego-centric, and we use this approach still when we talk about going to the doctors/dentists etc for either us parents, or J since A is usuallly along for the ride even though it isn't always him in the hotseat.
I actually got a book for kids that is awesome about explaining things scientifically without saying too much. (https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Baby-Lizzy-Rockwell/dp/0517800748/ref=cm_lmf_tit_5)
We also had a garden this summer so I equated it to that, but didn't make it cutesy. I think the garden and seeds and things growing and needing to be ripe before they're ready has really helped him understand better without knowing the whole story yet. lol
If he asks more questions about how the baby will come out I'll probably show him those pictures you linked!
I am good for describing things without giving the actual word, nor giving a made up word. Like: "Mommy, what's that?"
"That's where your pee pee comes out of".
That's what I used to say before MH taught him the actual terms.
Or in your case, I might say, "the baby comes out from between my legs, rather than give the specific part names. Again, that is all based on my own comfort level for what I feel is appropriate for him to know at his age & maturity level.
Wow. My kid so did not care at all. He just went on about his normal routine around my big belly. My sister picked him up from daycare and he spent two nights with them. She sent me pictures of him playing with his cousin. Then he came home, kissed the new baby, and went about playing around the baby.
He knows he has a penis and that mommy has boobs, but that's about it. We walk around naked all the time too, but he's never questioned it. I think I have a "go with the flow" kind of kid. Thank goodness. Those pictures seem perfectly fine to me if he's asking questions. We just didn't mention any of it because he didn't seem to care.
Have you done your hospital tour already? If you have time this weekend (you're due this month right?) I'm on mobile now.... I would maybe take a quick tour and take a few pictures. Like the front of the hospital, an empty couplet care or labor room, even the cafeteria or waiting lobby too. Possibly an IV pump or the plastic baby bed. And either print or show him the photos the next couple weeks... That way when you go to the "hospital" in his mind he can start to picture you there and stuff and won't be so intimidated or scared by the rooms or equipment and stuff when he comes to see you ....
https://www.msichicago.org/whats-here/exhibits/you/the-exhibit/your-beginning/make-room-for-baby/interactive/