How to handle sports?

dmndsr4eva · September 2013

Of course I knew the time would come but my ex asked me if he can enroll my son in soccer. My son is only almost 4 so it isn't a huge deal now, but anything I agree to is setting a precedence for the future. Since we live 1.5 hours apart I told him that if he wants to enroll him in his town for soccer than I will enroll him in T-Ball in my city. However I have my son 70% time so it would probably make more sense to have him enrolled here for everything. He is going to miss so many practices there.

This is all just so darn frustrating. The only reason I even consider enrolling him there is because that is where his dad and I grew up and at least we know a lot of the people and have cousins involved, etc. I mean I suppose I could move back to his area but that would require that I find a job equivalent to what I have now which isn't easy. I applied for a job over there last week so we'll see how that goes.

I really want to try to be upbeat and make this work but it is just so incredibly frustrating to try to figure out the logistics of all of this. If he is enrolled than it would have to change our court order because the drop off times and places on Sundays would no longer make sense because the games are on Sundays. Considering we can't even carry on a conversation more than 1 min. long I don't see how this is going to be accomplished. Oh well I guess the bright side is he seems to be chilling out a little bit now that the GF is gone.

How do you all handle sports activities if you don't live close by?

CFjo2010 · September 2013

You handle it the same way everyone handles it even if they live close to each other: if you sign DS up for something in your area, you suck it up and accept that he'll miss things when he's with BD, and vice versa. Or, you can always look into activities that are halfway between you and BD and see if that's feasible for you both.

Hopeforthebest · September 2013

The child is almost 4. The games and practice are for fun and I would let everything stay the same letting Ex know as long as it doesn't effect your current set up you are fine with it.

Don't make it harder than it has to be. He is aware of the CO let him work around it.

Has he already asked about changing drop offs, etc?

twister22 · September 2013

dmndsr4eva said:

Of course I knew the time would come but my ex asked me if he can enroll my son in soccer. My son is only almost 4 so it isn't a huge deal now, but anything I agree to is setting a precedence for the future. Since we live 1.5 hours apart I told him that if he wants to enroll him in his town for soccer than I will enroll him in T-Ball in my city. However I have my son 70% time so it would probably make more sense to have him enrolled here for everything. He is going to miss so many practices there.
This is all just so darn frustrating. The only reason I even consider enrolling him there is because that is where his dad and I grew up and at least we know a lot of the people and have cousins involved, etc. I mean I suppose I could move back to his area but that would require that I find a job equivalent to what I have now which isn't easy. I applied for a job over there last week so we'll see how that goes.
I really want to try to be upbeat and make this work but it is just so incredibly frustrating to try to figure out the logistics of all of this. If he is enrolled than it would have to change our court order because the drop off times and places on Sundays would no longer make sense because the games are on Sundays. Considering we can't even carry on a conversation more than 1 min. long I don't see how this is going to be accomplished. Oh well I guess the bright side is he seems to be chilling out a little bit now that the GF is gone.
How do you all handle sports activities if you don't live close by?

So you're only going to enroll DS in T-ball near you if EX enrolls DS in soccer near him? What is the reasoning behind that? I would think if you want to sign DS up for a sport, that you would do it regardless of what EX does during his time. The fact that you're only going to sign DS up for a sport if EX does makes it seem like you're trying to turn it into a competition; "Isn't T-ball more fun than soccer since you don't miss any practices?" Or am I thinking about this wrong and Soccer is in the fall and T-Ball is in the spring, and you're saying that DS can do soccer by dad in the fall and T-ball by mom in the spring?

I do want to say that I'm impressed that you're trying to find a job closer to EX. I'm worried you have ulterior motives, but at least you'll be getting DS closer to his dad. And COs truly are easier the less distance there is, IMO.

You don't have to change the CO, you just have to be flexible. In my situation, BD's CO'd weekends are Thurs at 5 - Saturday at 5. Since June he's been doing a more typical Friday-Sunday. We didn't change our CO, I'm just being flexible with him. You and EX can be flexible with one another during the sports seasons.

dmndsr4eva · September 2013

twister22 said:

dmndsr4eva said:

Of course I knew the time would come but my ex asked me if he can enroll my son in soccer. My son is only almost 4 so it isn't a huge deal now, but anything I agree to is setting a precedence for the future. Since we live 1.5 hours apart I told him that if he wants to enroll him in his town for soccer than I will enroll him in T-Ball in my city. However I have my son 70% time so it would probably make more sense to have him enrolled here for everything. He is going to miss so many practices there.
This is all just so darn frustrating. The only reason I even consider enrolling him there is because that is where his dad and I grew up and at least we know a lot of the people and have cousins involved, etc. I mean I suppose I could move back to his area but that would require that I find a job equivalent to what I have now which isn't easy. I applied for a job over there last week so we'll see how that goes.
I really want to try to be upbeat and make this work but it is just so incredibly frustrating to try to figure out the logistics of all of this. If he is enrolled than it would have to change our court order because the drop off times and places on Sundays would no longer make sense because the games are on Sundays. Considering we can't even carry on a conversation more than 1 min. long I don't see how this is going to be accomplished. Oh well I guess the bright side is he seems to be chilling out a little bit now that the GF is gone.
How do you all handle sports activities if you don't live close by?

So you're only going to enroll DS in T-ball near you if EX enrolls DS in soccer near him? What is the reasoning behind that? I would think if you want to sign DS up for a sport, that you would do it regardless of what EX does during his time. The fact that you're only going to sign DS up for a sport if EX does makes it seem like you're trying to turn it into a competition; "Isn't T-ball more fun than soccer since you don't miss any practices?" Or am I thinking about this wrong and Soccer is in the fall and T-Ball is in the spring, and you're saying that DS can do soccer by dad in the fall and T-ball by mom in the spring?

I do want to say that I'm impressed that you're trying to find a job closer to EX. I'm worried you have ulterior motives, but at least you'll be getting DS closer to his dad. And COs truly are easier the less distance there is, IMO.

You don't have to change the CO, you just have to be flexible. In my situation, BD's CO'd weekends are Thurs at 5 - Saturday at 5. Since June he's been doing a more typical Friday-Sunday. We didn't change our CO, I'm just being flexible with him. You and EX can be flexible with one another during the sports seasons.

You read the whole thing wrong. I want my son to be in sports. I have already previously enrolled him in T-Ball last year. You may recall I enrolled him and his dad and his GF completely ignored the fact that he was in T-Ball and didn't bother to ask about it or attend a single game.

Not only do I want him to be in sports but I want to be in active participant in attending his games. Thus the dilema is how both myself and his dad can be involved. Thus the reason I thought we could alternate cities. So that I make the effort to drive up there for games for one sport and he makes the effort to drive down here for oen sport. I don't have any ulterior motive other than being closer to BD will make it easier for my son to have a "normal" life and actually attend his practices and sporting events all the time instead of every other week.

MrsHetzel · September 2013

In DH's court order it specifically says DH will bring SD to ALL scheduled extra curricular activities on his time. And BM gets to schedule whatever she wants without even consulting him. Perhaps look into that...

CFjo2010 · September 2013

MrsHetzel said:

In DH's court order it specifically says DH will bring SD to ALL scheduled extra curricular activities on his time. And BM gets to schedule whatever she wants without even consulting him. Perhaps look into that...

This is the crappiest thing I have ever heard of. So BM gets to enroll SD in whatever she chooses and your DH just has to go along with it? Way to infringe on the rights of the BD. If DH's CO read that way he would appeal it immediately.

twister22 · September 2013

dmndsr4eva said:

twister22 said:

dmndsr4eva said:

Of course I knew the time would come but my ex asked me if he can enroll my son in soccer. My son is only almost 4 so it isn't a huge deal now, but anything I agree to is setting a precedence for the future. Since we live 1.5 hours apart I told him that if he wants to enroll him in his town for soccer than I will enroll him in T-Ball in my city. However I have my son 70% time so it would probably make more sense to have him enrolled here for everything. He is going to miss so many practices there.
This is all just so darn frustrating. The only reason I even consider enrolling him there is because that is where his dad and I grew up and at least we know a lot of the people and have cousins involved, etc. I mean I suppose I could move back to his area but that would require that I find a job equivalent to what I have now which isn't easy. I applied for a job over there last week so we'll see how that goes.
I really want to try to be upbeat and make this work but it is just so incredibly frustrating to try to figure out the logistics of all of this. If he is enrolled than it would have to change our court order because the drop off times and places on Sundays would no longer make sense because the games are on Sundays. Considering we can't even carry on a conversation more than 1 min. long I don't see how this is going to be accomplished. Oh well I guess the bright side is he seems to be chilling out a little bit now that the GF is gone.
How do you all handle sports activities if you don't live close by?

So you're only going to enroll DS in T-ball near you if EX enrolls DS in soccer near him? What is the reasoning behind that? I would think if you want to sign DS up for a sport, that you would do it regardless of what EX does during his time. The fact that you're only going to sign DS up for a sport if EX does makes it seem like you're trying to turn it into a competition; "Isn't T-ball more fun than soccer since you don't miss any practices?" Or am I thinking about this wrong and Soccer is in the fall and T-Ball is in the spring, and you're saying that DS can do soccer by dad in the fall and T-ball by mom in the spring?

I do want to say that I'm impressed that you're trying to find a job closer to EX. I'm worried you have ulterior motives, but at least you'll be getting DS closer to his dad. And COs truly are easier the less distance there is, IMO.

You don't have to change the CO, you just have to be flexible. In my situation, BD's CO'd weekends are Thurs at 5 - Saturday at 5. Since June he's been doing a more typical Friday-Sunday. We didn't change our CO, I'm just being flexible with him. You and EX can be flexible with one another during the sports seasons.

You read the whole thing wrong. I want my son to be in sports. I have already previously enrolled him in T-Ball last year. You may recall I enrolled him and his dad and his GF completely ignored the fact that he was in T-Ball and didn't bother to ask about it or attend a single game.
Not only do I want him to be in sports but I want to be in active participant in attending his games. Thus the dilema is how both myself and his dad can be involved. Thus the reason I thought we could alternate cities. So that I make the effort to drive up there for games for one sport and he makes the effort to drive down here for oen sport. I don't have any ulterior motive other than being closer to BD will make it easier for my son to have a "normal" life and actually attend his practices and sporting events all the time instead of every other week.

Then can you guys work something out where you agree to take DS to weekend games whenever possible, unless an extenuating circumstance such as illness or family event? Like you agree to make every effort to drive DS to soccer in EX's town during your parenting time, and EX agrees to make every effort to drive DS to T-Ball during his parenting time.

Littlejen22 · September 2013

Let him sign him up but know that he will miss sometimes. I want to give you huge props for even thinking about moving back near BD, that is a HUGE step for you!

riabiron · September 2013

Being in a blended family is NORMAL and it better that your son believes he is normal.

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