Is this a normal mommy feeling?

helenkayj · September 2013

I am VERY anti sex right now... like the thought makes me cringe. My husband and I tried to schedule it but it's still one of those things where if he doesn't make the move, I go to bed and try not to mention it (it rarely ever works).

But the really scary thing to me is that it's really hard for me to love my husband right now... I was thinking on my way to work this morning that aside from the "here hold him for a second" moments, I almost feel like I could do this by myself. I know I couldn't but it's scary to me to even be having this thought. I do love him but it's very hard to put effort into our relationship right now and I'm uncertain why.

Is this a normal mommy feeling or should I go get myself checked out!?!?!

ksmama13 · September 2013

I feel this way, too. Besides the not having sex part, I also feel like I am taking care of K pretty much by myself. DH is a dairy farmer & ever since K was born, things have been hectic. If he's not milking/doing chores, he is in the field or working on equipment. There have been days that he hasn't even seen K, because he is gone at 4 am and doesn't get home until 8:30-9:00 when K is already in bed.

Don't get me wrong, when he is home, he does help out. And I am beyond thankful to have a loving husband that is home at night. I have so much respect for the Mom's that DO take care of their LO on their own, because their DH is in the military or gone for some other reason.

Just taking it one day at a time & keep telling myself that one day we will get back into the groove of things!

botanicalbliss · September 2013

I'm feeling the same way. Sometimes he annoys me so much I just want to do this alone. However, I'm sure it's a phase.

stephzrn · September 2013

You are not alone, my husband is driving me crazy.

DiFazette · September 2013

I clearly don't know the dynamics of your relationships with your husbands/SO's, but I talked to mine a month or so ago about how nuts he was driving me with being needy. I used to be happy to help him in any way that I could - which of course he got used to. Now I've got this sweet little baby that is helpless and requires much of my time, love and patience.

While I tried to explain to my husband that I still love him very much, I'm now a mother to a child, and I'm happy to help where I can with him and his needs, but I need him to be a bit more self-sufficient. He totally got it... things are much better.

surpriseaddition · September 2013

I would say it is not a phase....it's just a very large adjustment in your relationship. In the past, when it was just the two of you, you were able to put a lot of time/energy into your relationship with DH. Now you are so investing in caring for LO there really isn't much time or energy left for your relationship with DH. This "third wheel" in the relationship...your LO....will not go away. So your relationship will need to morph to accommodate the extra person. I remember this vividly even though our first is 15 yo now! However, you can make it through. Even though DH may not be pulling his weight with caring for LO, you need to remind yourself of all the things he is doing. Without his salary, could you provide LO as much as you could being on your own? Traditionally men have been thought of as the bread winner...so a lot of times they think they are helping by working more, etc. when what you'd really want is more help with actually caring for the baby. Open communication is critical to weather the storm a child brings into a marriage. It's a great blessing...buy it also takes work to adjust. DH and I are going through this again, because our older kids were pretty self-sufficient before LO came. Now we're staring over navigating the way to juggle a new baby again. Know that it will work out, and try to look for the positives in DH.

AllieAGame · September 2013

What @surpriseaddition said, totally. I'm learning this for myself as well. I've found that if I keep reminding myself that the baby is my JOB (as well as my love), then I have a better attitude about DH. He does his job that provides for our family, and I do my job which cares for our family. Neither is more important and I couldn't do my part without his part (and vice versa). Also, as hard as it is sometimes, I try to give DH about 30 minutes of stress-free time when he gets home. Yes, by that point I'm mentally begging for some time not devoted to LO, but if I give him a little time, then he pretty much takes care of Lex the rest of the night totally voluntarily because he had time to recharge. I get to recharge after his 30 minutes and we both end up happier and more in the mood for meeting each other's needs as husband/wife when the baby is cared for.

Good luck! I feel like this will be an ongoing learning process for all of us.

helenkayj · September 2013

*sigh* No, without MH I couldn't survive financially but I'm also the "bread winner" so to speak in our family so I feel a little bit of the double burden...

I'm starting to feel a little better and weekends always recharge me a bit so I'm really glad it's Friday...

Lolalipsy · September 2013

Thank you for voicing this because this is how I've been feeling too and when I would see all the posts about sex and being lovey dovey they would make me feel worse.

I love him and couldn't be without him but i have wanted to do it alone at times. It's slowly but surely improving.

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