Trying not to think about it….

FLCountry · September 2013

So I can't stop stressing myself out. I am not suppose to let anyone I know that I am off BC, my H wants it to be a complete surprise. So I have turned to you, strangers, because A. you will be honest, please be honest B. I don't know you, so you don't count and C. I have to talk to someone.

I have been off BC for about 5 months, we are not "trying" per-say. I am not doing this position, or pillow under the butt, or having sex at this time on this day we are just letting it happen how it may. My problem is I have more friends that have trouble conceiving then not.I've been around friends that test what-ever they can, miscarried, did invitro; because it is just not happening. So I can't help but think it won't be as easy for me or it just won't happen. I am now four days late on my cycle and I took a test that said no. I am now thinking I have caused this due to my stress, of whether or not I can get prego. So I am physically stressing over my stress! (See why I turned to you.) All I get told is don't stress, easier said then DONE! I just need advice maybe, or just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.

pmarie33 · September 2013

Not stressing is hard. Stress will cause late ovulation, which causes your period to be late.

If you "aren't trying", get a hobby and get your mind off babies. Don't hang around the baby boards.

bugandbibs · September 2013

FLCountry said:

So I can't stop stressing myself out. I am not suppose to let anyone I know that I am off BC, my H wants it to be a complete surprise. So I have turned to you, strangers, because A. you will be honest, please be honest B. I don't know you, so you don't count and C. I have to talk to someone.

I have been off BC for about 5 months, we are not "trying" per-say. I am not doing this position, or pillow under the butt, or having sex at this time on this day we are just letting it happen how it may. My problem is I have more friends that have trouble conceiving then not.I've been around friends that test what-ever they can, miscarried, did invitro; because it is just not happening. So I can't help but think it won't be as easy for me or it just won't happen. I am now four days late on my cycle and I took a test that said no. I am now thinking I have caused this due to my stress, of whether or not I can get prego. So I am physically stressing over my stress! (See why I turned to you.) All I get told is don't stress, easier said then DONE! I just need advice maybe, or just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.

A normal, healthy couple has a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle with WELL TIMED SEX. If you aren't paying attention to your ovulation and having sex accordingly you may never conceive even if you can. My advice is start charting so you know when you are ovulating.

jnnfrrose6 · September 2013

Ways to relax: Get a massage. Get a mani/pedi. Find a hobby (sports, crafts, volunteering). Go to the movies.

I would say, though, if you have concerns about fertility, then you should start charting. At the very least, if you need to see someone after a year, that information will be helpful.

vikinggirl4 · September 2013

I agree with PP about charting. Fertility Friend is really helpful, and you will learn a TON about your body. They have tutorials and it's really easy. Good luck!

Ducktale · September 2013

I'm not TTC, but as a natural worrier/overthinker, I stress about everything, so there's a good chance I'll feel that way in a few months. Don't you hate the advice to just relax? How do you just relax? For some of us, that does not come naturally. I think it's good advice to try to get your mind off of TTC and focus on something else, a hobby, vacation, something. Maybe assume in your mind that it will take 6 more months, and plan for that, and then if it happens earlier, well then fabulous. Not sure if that's good advice, but that's what I'm planning on doing.

That along with charting. I just started and found out that I ovulate around day 16 or 17, so if I were timing things for an earlier ovulation, I would be missing my window.

Ducktale · September 2013

Nicb13 said:

Ducktale said:

I'm not TTC, but as a natural worrier/overthinker, I stress about everything, so there's a good chance I'll feel that way in a few months. Don't you hate the advice to just relax? How do you just relax? For some of us, that does not come naturally. I think it's good advice to try to get your mind off of TTC and focus on something else, a hobby, vacation, something. Maybe assume in your mind that it will take 6 more months, and plan for that, and then if it happens earlier, well then fabulous. Not sure if that's good advice, but that's what I'm planning on doing.

That along with charting. I just started and found out that I ovulate around day 16 or 17, so if I were timing things for an earlier ovulation, I would be missing my window.
Well, even if you think it's shitty advice, I still give it because I WISH I would have relaxed more when I was TTC because maybe it wouldn't have taken so long! I have stomach aches from all of the worrying I do. I don't know how to relax most of the time but I really need to learn to let some things go and focus on what I can control.

Hey that wasn't an attack on you or anything. I think you gave great advice and good personal experience. Just saying, sometimes it's hard when you know you should relax but you don't know how.

PunkyBooster · September 2013

Try a hobby. Giving back is a good one that passes time and gets you thinking about other things. Foster a puppy from a shelter, volunteer to read to someone at a nursing home, participate in clean ups, etc.

It's hard not to think about it but try to occupy your mind with other things too.

Twinkie0612 · September 2013

Nicb13 said:

Ducktale said:

I'm not TTC, but as a natural worrier/overthinker, I stress about everything, so there's a good chance I'll feel that way in a few months. Don't you hate the advice to just relax? How do you just relax? For some of us, that does not come naturally. I think it's good advice to try to get your mind off of TTC and focus on something else, a hobby, vacation, something. Maybe assume in your mind that it will take 6 more months, and plan for that, and then if it happens earlier, well then fabulous. Not sure if that's good advice, but that's what I'm planning on doing.

That along with charting. I just started and found out that I ovulate around day 16 or 17, so if I were timing things for an earlier ovulation, I would be missing my window.
Well, even if you think it's shitty advice, I still give it because I WISH I would have relaxed more when I was TTC because maybe it wouldn't have taken so long! I have stomach aches from all of the worrying I do. I don't know how to relax most of the time but I really need to learn to let some things go and focus on what I can control.

As someone going through IF treatments, this is not accurate at all. My RE actually gives a handout in his new patient packet, that explains that while IF is stressful, stress does not cause IF (except for in rare cases where extreme stress can delay O). Your stress levels likely had no impact on how long it took you to conceive. However stress reduction is good for your overall health. If you are having stomach aches caused by stress, it might be time to talk to your doctor about ways to reduce stress.

Twinkie0612 · September 2013

FLCountry said:

So I can't stop stressing myself out. I am not suppose to let anyone I know that I am off BC, my H wants it to be a complete surprise. So I have turned to you, strangers, because A. you will be honest, please be honest B. I don't know you, so you don't count and C. I have to talk to someone.

I have been off BC for about 5 months, we are not "trying" per-say. I am not doing this position, or pillow under the butt, or having sex at this time on this day we are just letting it happen how it may. My problem is I have more friends that have trouble conceiving then not.I've been around friends that test what-ever they can, miscarried, did invitro; because it is just not happening. So I can't help but think it won't be as easy for me or it just won't happen. I am now four days late on my cycle and I took a test that said no. I am now thinking I have caused this due to my stress, of whether or not I can get prego. So I am physically stressing over my stress! (See why I turned to you.) All I get told is don't stress, easier said then DONE! I just need advice maybe, or just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.

It is possible for stress to delay ovulation, but I don't think it is really that common. More likely you just ovulated a few days later than normal. Also there is no reason to stress about not conceiving in 5 months (especially if you aren't trying to time sex around ovulation). It can take a healthy couple a year of well timed sex to conceive.

My advice is to stop worrying about other people's fertility. It has no bearing on how long it will take you to conceive. I don't know anyone that dealt with infertility, yet hear I am. If you are worried about how long it is taking you to conceive, start charting and actively trying.

amberhoothoot · September 2013

Not stressing out has taken me years (and more years) of therapy and I still suck at it. At least i don't have panic attacks anymore. BUT for general anxiety and panic I do find that projects help me. Luckily we bought an old house and there are many closets and corners that get my undivided attention during my down time.

My doc reminded me all the time that Stress and Anxiety do not cause infertility. Although they can delay O or shorten your LP as PP mentioned. However depression can affect your IF because it releases cortisol.

Try not to let TTC get you down, keep busy with something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Also, START CHARTING on FF. Sometimes it can become addictive BUT it gives me a sense of control over the whole process too. Without charting and without knowledgeable people on TB I wouldn't even know that i was supposed to start HIO on CD 8. Or that I have a short LP, or that I my ovulation date apparently swings wildly mtm.

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