Constantly fighting with my 2 year old over eating and sleeping!

softball1603 · September 2013

My 2 year old son refuses to eat much of any supper I cook for him, and then when bedtime comes, he refuses to stay in his toddler bed if I stay in the room/and stay in his room if I leave the room.

As for supper: I wont cook him anything as a replacement for his supper if he wont eat it. I even save his plate for him so I can re-heat it and give it back to him later in the evening when he's hungry- but he still wont touch it. This has been going on for about 1-2 months, and he has gone to bed without supper at least 20 times in that time period. I've made sure that the daycare and grandparents don't give him snacks after 4- and we eat supper around 6:30. He also only gets water to drink, except with meals (milk) so he's not filling up on sugar........At least he eats a good lunch and breakfast!

Then bedtime- I TRY to closely follow the same routine every night- with some hiccups sometimes. But we try to bathe when he needs one, brush his teeth, gets his vitamin, then I let him quietly play with toys for 30 minutes, then stories, then tuck him in. But the more he learns the routine I'm trying to set- the more fights we have along the way... so overall I'm just getting really frustrated with loosing ground on the supper and bedtime fights that we now have on a daily basis. And (seperate issue) lately he has been sneaking into our room in the middle of the night and laying between my husband and me- without waking us up.... So I finally do wake up and take him back to his room...only to find him back in our bed when the alarm is going off in the morning- we've never let him sleep with us in the past, but he still sneaks in.

With working a full time job, 6-bedtime is the only time that I get to spend with him 5 days a week, and I would really like us both to enjoy this time. Does anyone have any advice for us??? Or maybe just a reassuring "it's just a phase" to get me through the night tonight? lol

JENandJEH · September 2013

Do you offer one item with dinner that you know he will eat? If you do and he eats that and refuses the rest, I wouldn't worry and let him go to bed hungry. They won't starve themselves and you have to remember that they have very little control of their lives but they can control food intake, when/if they sleep (unless of course they hit the point of exhaustion) and using the potty. Try not to make a big deal out if it...if he's sensing a reaction from you, he may continue just to see if he can get that reaction. Kids are finicky when it comes to food and eating. Our pedi told us when our oldest was going through this that it's best to look at food intake over the course of a week instead of day by day. If he eats a good breakfast and lunch, then maybe a light dinner is all he needs/wants. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to eat a full meal, you know? Overall, it really is a phase. My 5-year old went through that around age 2 and at 5, he is a very good eater and eats many of the foods that he refused at age 2.

As for bed, I would put a gate on his door so that he HAS to stay in there. Childproof the room and remove anything you are uncomfortable with him being around unsupervised and then put him to bed. With the gate, he also can't come get into your bed at night. Or, if you're uncomfortable with the gate, start taking him back and placing him in bed without saying anything when he comes out of his room at bedtime. Repeat, repeat, repeat. It will take awhile but stay consistent. He'll eventually see that this isn't a fun game and he gets the same results every time. I tend to be pretty strict when it comes to bedtime and don't put up with many shenanigans. I don't have experience with a 2-year old in a toddler bed because we didn't move DS1 until he was 3 and we were able to reason with him a bit more. Good luck!

softball1603 · September 2013

Thank you- reading your response made me realize that I do over explain why he needs to get back into bed, and heck- he knows! lol The gate is a good idea, I will try that tonight and see how it goes. Thank you for your advice- I keep asking my husband "why was I in a hurry to put him in a toddler bed?!?" I think I'm overreacting to his pickyness because he ate like a college kid before this complete 180.... but he does eat like the cheese off of whatever we are eating, but not much at all.

Thanks!

JENandJEH · September 2013

Good luck! Like I said, I'm pretty no-nonsense about bed around our house. DS1 never got out of bed when we first moved him (now is a totally different story) but our plan was to just walk him back to his room and put him back in bed if he was able to get his door open.

Also, we introduced an Okay to Wake clock when DS1 was around 3 but it turns yellow when it's bedtime and then turns green when it's ok to get up. He learned that when the light was yellow he needed to be in his bed...we were pretty flexible about letting him "read" a few books because he typically got bored quickly and would go on to sleep. He's an early riser so is usually up before the clock turns green but he knows that as soon as it turns green, he's allowed to get out of bed (if he needs to use the bathroom, he can get up then go back to bed before the light turns green). Not sure if your son would grasp that concept yet but you could introduce the idea.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

Definitely do the gate across his door and don't let the dinner become a fight. Dinner is the least eaten meal for almost all toddlers. It's normal and fine. If he was hungry he would eat so as long as he's not losing weight, just offer it and if he won't eat it, he won't eat it.

Nel11 · September 2013

Yup, I agree 100% with the other posters... offer dinner, and if he eats fine, if he doesn't oh well. I've also read that most toddlers don't eat much at dinner, and that's definitely true for my kid as well as my friend's kids.

As for bedtime... I would keep the routine simple and don't mess around. Speak in a soft voice and don't let him get wound up/let him get you wound up. Baby proof the room and put a gate up! You might be in for a few rough nights, but he'll figure it out eventually! Good luck!

zbeesma86 · September 2013

DD is one and we had the dinner battle for a couple months!! I did what you do- I'd stick it in the fridge and when she started to act hungry I'd warm it up and she'd pick at it. Some days she'll eat like a bird, other days she eats like she can't get enough- I think it's just their bodies growing and adjusting. I worried about her nourishment and nutrition and the pedi, friends with kids, my mom, people on the bump all say when they are hungry, they will eat- so just keep offering! You're doing great! I know it can be frustrating! I'd make a whole dinner and she'd throw it all on the floor- she is in a phase now where she will eat what I put on her tray, so we aren't throwing food- for now- but it comes and goes!

as for bed time-- DD is still in her crib. But like others have said- using a baby gate or the clock that turns green when they can get up can help!

good luck and hang in there!

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