February 2013 Moms

Still Shaking - NBR

Today was grocery store day.  So fun with four little ones, let me tell you.  But today they all behaved and as I was walking to my car I was pretty proud of their behavior for once.

I got to my car and told the two boys to go get in their seats while I got DD1 out of the cart (while the baby was in the carrier on my chest).  Apparently my 4YO hit the car next to us with the door when he was getting in and the lady whose car it was saw us.  She shrieked, "Your kid just hit my car with the door!  I can't believe it!"

I turn around and see that he had, in fact, hit the car.  I started apologizing over and over again and looked at the mark (which wasn't a dent or anything, but a pencil eraser-sized chip off the paint. 

She said to me, "You're not sorry!  If you were it wouldn't have happened.  You would have been watching your kids!"  (HUH???!!?)

I tried to assure her that I was sorry and that it was an accident by a four-year-old and that she was making him feel really badly.  He had already apologized and he is FOUR YEARS OLD.

To that she said, "There wouldn't have been an accident if you were watching your kids!  As a mother, when my kids were younger I never let them open the car door themselves.  I waited ten years to get a new car and now this happens!"

OK, now I'm getting angry.  First, she made my son feel bad and now she's calling me a bad mom.  I replied that she must be a better mother than I am, apparently, and that she needs to calm down.  I asked her what I could do to make it right?  Would she like my insurance information?  She said yes.

I was literally shaking as I pulled out my insurance card to copy it down and also laughing inside at this silly woman who thinks she is going to submit a claim for a teeny tiny paint chip off of her car.

She was huffing behind me waiting for the information, so I took it as a teaching opportunity for my children.  As loudly as I could say it I said, "Now this is an example of how we do NOT behave, children!  When someone apologizes for something we are supposed to forgive them and have a kind heart, not be mean and nasty to them.  After all, the way we treat other people is much more important that the material things we have."  Then I handed her the slip of paper and told me she could call my phone to verify that I gave her the correct name and number.  To that she just walked off and got in her car.

I was so flipping angry, I was shaking and still am inside almost an hour later.  What a mean, nasty woman!  I totally acknowledge that I was in the wrong and that perhaps my child shouldn't have been opening the door on his own.  But he does it all the time and this never happens.  It was an honest to goodness accident.  My oldest son kept asking me what was wrong on the drive home and why the lady was so mean to me.  He reminded me that I could call 911 on my phone to get the police if she was mean.  LOL

I feel kind of bad for talking badly about her in front of my kids, but Mama Bear came out.  What would you have done?
    

Re: Still Shaking - NBR

  • If I were in a situation like that I wish and hope that I would respond in the same way you did, keeping it classy and calm. However, since I know myself I probably would have started yelling and dropped a couple of F bombs.
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  • mishka29 said:
    If I were in a situation like that I wish and hope that I would respond in the same way you did, keeping it classy and calm. However, since I know myself I probably would have started yelling and dropped a couple of F bombs.
    Oh, believe me, it sounds nicer written out here than it did coming out of my mouth.  My tone was not classy at all.
        
  • Geez.  Talk about an overreaction on her part.  It's not like you tried to deny it or something.  Her insurance (and yours) is going to laugh in her face.

    Also, happy birthday to Gracie!  :-)

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  • Wow. People are just so, so ridiculous. I would have been completely dumbfounded if I were in your shoes and probably would have just stood there with my mouth hanging open at her complete stupidity. Yeah, I'm sure her kids NEVER accidentally did anything. Right.
    I love, love, LOVE how you turned it into a "teaching opportunity" for your kids right in front of her. That was brilliant. I hope if something like this ever happens to me, I am quick enough to think of something like that!
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  • mishka29 said:
    If I were in a situation like that I wish and hope that I would respond in the same way you did, keeping it classy and calm. However, since I know myself I probably would have started yelling and dropped a couple of F bombs.
    Accidents happen all the time. And while the woman could have handled it better, I don't think I would consider OP's response to be 'classy' - the 'teaching lesson' she provided was equally rude and inappropriate. She effectively told her children that it's acceptable to talk poorly in front of someone. This same message could have been given as soon as the car doors were shut and the woman was out of earshot, and then it would truly have been a teaching lesson. Instead, it served to exacerbate an already dismal situation.

    And as far as thinking the insurance company is going to laugh at her claim, they won't. OP's child damaged the car. Even if it's a nick, it's something that by law, OP is required to make whole. Not sure the last time you had any body work done to your car, but the cost of a paint repair is likely going to be >$500 at any reputable body shop. And sure, it may not seem like a big deal, but should the woman really have to deal with damage to her property that wasn't caused by her when the responsible party is there?

    The lesson I would want my child to take away from this situation isn't that the other woman handled it poorly - it's that sometimes, people make mistakes. And sometimes, people don't handle things well, but you should always strive to be the better person. Sometimes you just have to keep your cool, make reparations, and be the bigger person. 
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  • wifeofadamwifeofadam member
    edited September 2013
    Karla CS said:
    mishka29 said:
    If I were in a situation like that I wish and hope that I would respond in the same way you did, keeping it classy and calm. However, since I know myself I probably would have started yelling and dropped a couple of F bombs.
    Accidents happen all the time. And while the woman could have handled it better, I don't think I would consider OP's response to be 'classy' - the 'teaching lesson' she provided was equally rude and inappropriate. She effectively told her children that it's acceptable to talk poorly in front of someone. This same message could have been given as soon as the car doors were shut and the woman was out of earshot, and then it would truly have been a teaching lesson. Instead, it served to exacerbate an already dismal situation.

    And as far as thinking the insurance company is going to laugh at her claim, they won't. OP's child damaged the car. Even if it's a nick, it's something that by law, OP is required to make whole. Not sure the last time you had any body work done to your car, but the cost of a paint repair is likely going to be >$500 at any reputable body shop. And sure, it may not seem like a big deal, but should the woman really have to deal with damage to her property that wasn't caused by her when the responsible party is there?

    The lesson I would want my child to take away from this situation isn't that the other woman handled it poorly - it's that sometimes, people make mistakes. And sometimes, people don't handle things well, but you should always strive to be the better person. Sometimes you just have to keep your cool, make reparations, and be the bigger person. 
    I appreciate the response.  This was what my husband said - that I was wrong to say that in front of the woman.  I do feel badly about it.  I don't care that I said it about the woman, just that I did it while she was there.  She was wrong to essentially call me a bad mother in front of my children and I was wrong to call her nasty and mean in front of them too.

    As far as damages go - the insurance company IS probably going to laugh unless this lady commits some fraud.  I had a similar nick on my hood from what I assume was a rock - no damage to the actual door, just the paint.  It cost about $50 at the dealer for them to put some sealant (to prevent future rusting) and new paint on.  I would have been more likely to just hand the woman $50 if she wouldn't have been such a beast to me.  Instead, I decided to let her try to claim in through insurance.  She has my phone number if she has issues and hopefully she will calm down before she calls me with any again.

    If I get a bill for $500 I will be kicking myself for not having taken a picture.  I guess that's what I get for being rude.  I almost wish I would have called the police so everything could have been on record.  Her over-the-top reaction to the minor accident perhaps warranted an over-the-top mediator.  Why do I think of these things after the fact ;)

    ETA - I would never actually waste the police's time with something like this, but it would have been funny (and immature).  Her reaction was so insane that I wish I would have been like, "You're right.  This is a REALLY BIG DEAL.  Let's call the police and have them help sort it out." as if it was a true car accident or something.  lol
        
  • OK, I'm thinking about this objectively now.  (Sorry to keep going on about this, but it REALLY bothered me)  I'm starting to see why the lady was so upset.  I just thought what would have happened if she hadn't been there and seen my son hit the door.  I didn't see or hear it becaue my back was to him getting DD out of the cart.  If she hadn't been there and I wouldn't have noticed the car door touching her car for some reason, perhaps I would have driven off without ever realizing the damage was done to her car.  In that case, it is my fault that I wasn't paying attention and the lady would have never known who did it to her car or had a way to possibly pay for the damages.  I get that and it makes sense.  But I think maybe she was projecting that scenario onto the reality of what happened, which was that I was there, I was apologetic, and I was trying to make it right.

    I need to just let this go and stop thinking about it. 
        
  • Wow, I can't believe someone would be so rude to a mom of four little ones! And especially to something a four year old did accidentally! Sorry that you had to deal with this. I probably would have been too shaken up to say anything to the rude lady, so kudos for being able to come up with a quick response.
  • There is no excuse for a woman calling you a bad mother when you are wrestling with four children and a cart full of groceries.  My husband goes ballistic over our car and I think it is totally ridiculous.  It is a material object (an expensive one) but a material object.  There is no need to be nasty over an accident committed by a 4 year old.  I think your response was probably as controlled as possible.
  • Honestly, I LOVE your response! I always wish I could come up with amazing responses like that in the moment... 

    That said, I also understand why it might have not been the best thing to say in front of her. But now you can use this as a teachable moment for your kids to show them that even mommy makes mistakes and says things out of anger sometimes but that you feel badly and wish you could apologize and ask her forgiveness.
  • Maybe it is wrong of me, but I love that you did it in front of her...she needed to be reminded of one of life's basic lessons. We can try to deny it but when Mama Bear comes out very few of us maintain the calmness to behave classy, especially when one of our cubs is being attacked. I think you are one classy lady and I think you handled it perfect. You said what she and your children needed to hear in a mature way. I do wish you had gotten a pic as well, I don't trust her!
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  • I'm just shaking my head.  I had a similar experience a few weeks ago on a trip to Chicago.  I just don't understand how some people can be so ridiculous.  Sorry you had such a bad ending to what had been a successful trip with four kids at the grocery store-- you made it out alive... ;)
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