Vanishing Twin, how do i announce pregnancy to family & friends?

syoung0413 · September 2013

I apologize if i am on the wrong board, but i don't know where else to go...

My husband and I found our at 6 weeks that we were expecting twins. (yay!) Despite the remarks of the few close family members that knew, we were extremely excited. We had seen their heartbeats at 7weeks and at our Us this past Monday we had found our the devistating news that we had lost Baby B. We are now 8 weeks and i was thinking about announcing our pregnancy publicly around 10-12 weeks depending on our next ultrasound.

I know our twin was so tiny, but already a huge part of our lives. How to i announce the healthy twin, but cherish the memory of our loss?

PinkinProvence · September 2013

I'm very sorry for your loss - and yes it was a loss that you will carry with you and have every right to cherish.

I think you have to do what makes you and DH comfortable. However, I do think that the happy announcement of a pregnancy should just be that - an announcement of the pregnancy. If it were me, I would just announce the pregnancy like I normally would. Depending on who I was telling (family and close friends v. co-workers and acquaintances), I would let them know afterwards during the endless conversations that you are sure to have about pregnancy, that you had been pregnant with twins but unfortunately lost one of the babies already and that has had a deep impact on your and DH.

Good Luck and Congratulations!

CaliCarly77 · September 2013

First off, I am so very very sorry for your loss, that is just absolutely heartbreaking. I wish you and your family the strength to cope through this rough time of having to balance emotions.

IMHO think about your future child, and imagine him or her seeing your announcement in 8, 10, 15 years. How would he/she feel about it saying "yay we are expecting!! but also sad to announce a loss"

I think, in my personal opinion, you announce the pregnancy as any person with a single pregnancy would. Then, among your family and close friends you can mourn the loss of the vanished twin, but I don't think it is appropriate to put the loss in the expectancy announcement. Personally, I wouldn't know how to respond to that as a casual friend...like "Congratulations??"

kgs0505 · September 2013

I don't have the experience with this, so take it for what it's worth. I probably wouldn't divulge the fact that there were twins in a general announcement. I would just announce a singleton pregnancy. If you want to talk about it, I would probably only tell the people closest to me who I would turn to for support anyway.

I just think letting everyone know about the early loss of one will probably lead to comments you don't want to hear. Especially from those you aren't as close to. Because people haven't gone through it themselves, they don't know how you are feeling and tend to say the wrong thing, or maybe the uneducated thing is a better way of putting it. Does that make sense? It probably does as I see from your history of IF and high risk.

I am sorry for your loss and I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is uneventful and baby A arrives happy and healthy!

Kissimi21 · September 2013

I'm sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how small the baby is, losing one leaves a big hole in your heart.

My twins started out as triplets. At 6 weeks there were 3 babies. At 8 weeks there were 2. When we announced the pregnancy to people, we said we were expecting twins. Afterwards, we told family and friends about our lost LO. I found that it allowed us (and everyone else) a chance to celebrate, then the chance to mourn without feeling conflicted.

syoung0413 · September 2013

Thank you so much @Wallace323 I also feel that our twin is a surviving twin, not a single baby. I may have asked these questions way to quickly since our loss is so fresh in my mind.

Thank you to all the ladies who have given their opinion, I appreciate it so much!

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