Baby Nurse

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

Anyone thinking of getting a baby nurse for the first week or two?

Jas723 · September 2013

Yes definitely going to be interviewing this week.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

For um, what exactly? If you're breast feeding you have to get up and if you're formula feeding your SO can take half the "shifts" and it's really not so bad.

Littlemama01 · September 2013

Never heard of this, what is it?

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

Some folks hire a night nurse, but since I'm BF I'd be up anyway. I would save my money. I could possibly see it if I were FF & my husband were a night shift or away.

hjweber · September 2013

The only baby nurses LO will have will be the ones in the hospital before we go home. I'm perfectly capable of caring for my newborn.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

Seriously?? How lazy are you?

Meery82 · September 2013

?? Doesn't mommy = baby nurse?

insertclevername · September 2013

Honestly, if I had the money to spend and wasn't planning on BF'ing, I would consider a night nurse. A baby that doesn't sleep, has colic, sleep deprivation and PPD can be a very tough combination for anyone to handle. Having help doesn't make you any less of a mother and being a martyr doesn't make you any more of a mother. If someone wants to hire a night nurse, so be it. Lots of sanctimommies up in this post.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

NYMama1 said:

Honestly, if I had the money to spend and wasn't planning on BF'ing, I would consider a night nurse. A baby that doesn't sleep, has colic, sleep deprivation and PPD can be a very tough combination for anyone to handle. Having help doesn't make you any less of a mother and being a martyr doesn't make you any more of a mother. If someone wants to hire a night nurse, so be it. Lots of sanctimommies up in this post.

My only "issue" with it is the planning ahead for it because no one knows they're going to get a colicy baby or one that doesn't sleep or anything else. I don't think there's anything wrong with dealing with issues as they come up to keep everyone sane and healthy but to plan for one in advance kiiind of just sounds like people don't want to do the whole waking up overnight thing that comes with a newborn.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

Its just like people who have cleaning services. Usually they know how to clean their home. I didn't realize hiring a baby nurse was so controversial.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

And, yes, I'm extremely lazy to tell you the truth. If I can pay a professional to assist me so I can get caught up on my sleep, why wouldnt I?

lollipoppoop · September 2013

NicoleNielsen59 said:

And, yes, I'm extremely lazy to tell you the truth. If I can pay a professional to assist me so I can get caught up on my sleep, why wouldnt I?

I just don't understand this at all but to each is own I guess.

aeh72 · September 2013

Total lurker here so please forgive the intrusion. Question for you - and I don't mean this in a judgey way - but what would the baby nurse be doing and when would she/he be working? Is it just for overnights? To help during the day?

Here's my thought on this concept in general - yes, you lose a lot of sleep, but that doesn't go away in 2 weeks. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 8 weeks old (and I know that makes us one of the lucky ones). I was a new mom and I was scared to death thinking about those first days/weeks home but you know what, as soon as you bring that baby home, you have no choice but to get it done - the mommy (and daddy, for that matter) genes - that I was afraid I wasn't going to have - kick right in. I guess I wouldn't want someone else, like a baby nurse, possibly interfering with that experience for me. That's just my two cents.

Now, if you have medical issues following birth, I agree that you have to what you have to do to make sure your baby is getting the care he/she needs, be that hiring a nurse or having your mom or MIL or someone else come and help.

Meery82 · September 2013

I can see hiring someone if you had newborn triplets and no help from family, but isn't that taking away from baby-mommy bonding time? Do you really want your new baby to wake up in the middle of the night and be comforted by a stranger instead of the woman she's known and lived within for 9 months?

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

Well, I have another child and my husband works crazy hours. No relatives nearby. I had severe PPD/PPA last pregnancy primarily fueled by sleep deprivation. If you Google "baby nurse" or "night nanny" plus your city, you will see an agency nearby, I guarantee. So, obviously its not that uncommon. And, yes, I'm very lazy x 100, so it will be a perfect fit.

ASmallWonder · September 2013

NicoleNielsen59 said:

And, yes, I'm extremely lazy to tell you the truth. If I can pay a professional to assist me so I can get caught up on my sleep, why wouldnt I?

Ok my serious answer is that you develop your bond with your child in those first few weeks. Am I going to sit here and tell you it's all cupcakes and roses? No. But it also MAY not be as bad as you think. People love to tell you the horror stories and rarely do you hear the good ones. I have two kids and they've both only woken up once or twice a night as newborns. They eat and go back to sleep. And honestly, some of the sweetest moments are in the middle of the night, holding your snuggly newborn in dim light, all the chaos of world gone, just staring into their face. You fall in love with them and they fall in love with you because the two of you are focused on just each other. That bonding means something. Don't cheat yourself and your baby out of it. If it's too much, DH needs to step up on overnights. Bonding isn't just for moms.

jacquilee83 · September 2013

I really can't relate at all. Parenting shouldn't be something you get to pick the good bits from. Sleepless night are all part of the deal. If you can't cope with it all, don't have kids. Just my opinion.

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:
Seriously?? How lazy are you?

While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning.

If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy?

I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.

PrimRoseMama · September 2013

NYMama1 said:
Honestly, if I had the money to spend and wasn't planning on BF'ing, I would consider a night nurse. A baby that doesn't sleep, has colic, sleep deprivation and PPD can be a very tough combination for anyone to handle. Having help doesn't make you any less of a mother and being a martyr doesn't make you any more of a mother. If someone wants to hire a night nurse, so be it. Lots of sanctimommies up in this post.

Thank God! Someone else who is thinking with sense. My eyes were rolling very very hard at all the Mommy Martyrdom in this ribbon.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

PrimRoseMama said:

jnsmith85 said:
Seriously?? How lazy are you?
While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning.

If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy?

I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.

And it is my business to have my own opinion about it!

If she had specified in her OP that there were special needs, multiples, etc, I would have a had a different opinion. She said none of that.

jacquilee83 · September 2013

PrimRoseMama said:

jnsmith85 said:
Seriously?? How lazy are you?
While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning.

If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy?

I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.

Lazy or not, it says something about someone when they hire a stranger to do their job. I have more than enough money to hire help, I choose not to. If you want your arrangements to be your business, don't post it on a public forum. We are entitled to our opinion whether you like it or not. Also, I am not being a martyr. I don't view the challenges of parenting as a burden, I view it as parenting! Shocker!

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

jacquilee83 said:

Seriously?? How lazy are you?
While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning. If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy? I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.
Lazy or not, it says something about someone when they hire a stranger to do their job. I have more than enough money to hire help, I choose not to. If you want your arrangements to be your business, don't post it on a public forum. We are entitled to our opinion whether you like it or not. Also, I am not being a martyr. I don't view the challenges of parenting as a burden, I view it as parenting! Shocker!

What does that say about me? Have you ever hired a babysitter?

jacquilee83 · September 2013

NicoleNielsen59 said:

jacquilee83 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

jnsmith85 said:
Seriously?? How lazy are you?
While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning.

If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy?

I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.
Lazy or not, it says something about someone when they hire a stranger to do their job. I have more than enough money to hire help, I choose not to. If you want your arrangements to be your business, don't post it on a public forum. We are entitled to our opinion whether you like it or not. Also, I am not being a martyr. I don't view the challenges of parenting as a burden, I view it as parenting! Shocker!

What does that say about me? Have you ever hired a babysitter?

Yeah, cause that's the same thing! I think there's a slight difference between a couple of hours to see a movie/grab a bite over someone caring for your child on a nightly basis to ensure you get your beauty sleep. Oh and no, I wouldn't be looking for a babysitter in my babies first weeks. It took us long enough to make her, we'll care for her.

jacquilee83 · September 2013

Also, the OP was not about daycare. If you need to work to support your family then so be it! I have no issues with that but I fundamentally disagree with hiring someone to look after your LO at night just so you can stay in bed. What exactly was it you thought you were signing up for?

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

As I said in a previous post, I had severe ppd/ppa in my last pregnancy fueled mainly by sleep deprivation. My son was up every 2 hours to eat. My husband works crazy hours and didn't help, plus I have no close relatives. I couldn't bond with my son because I was so sleep deprived. I almost fell asleep at the wheel. So, I would like to to hire someone in the beginning to assist me so I can function during the day to take care of my son. So what does that say about me? That I shouldn't have kids? That I'm a bad mom? Wow, I guess I shou7ld get my tubes tied asap.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate your feedback, both positive and negative. That's why I posted.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

NicoleNielsen59 said:
As I said in a previous post, I had severe ppd/ppa in my last pregnancy fueled mainly by sleep deprivation. My son was up every 2 hours to eat. My husband works crazy hours and didn't help, plus I have no close relatives. I couldn't bond with my son because I was so sleep deprived. I almost fell asleep at the wheel. So, I would like to to hire someone in the beginning to assist me so I can function during the day to take care of my son. So what does that say about me? That I shouldn't have kids? That I'm a bad mom? Wow, I guess I shou7ld get my tubes tied asap.

You never said that in your OP. All you asked about was hiring a nurse in the first week or two. No background story, no details. How are we supposed to know your personal situation? You can't get mad at internet strangers for voicing their opinions!

And on a side note, I AM a baby nurse, and granted I work in a hospital setting and not the home, I absolutely would NOT want to be the in home nurse for some rich bitch who IS lazy and wants to sleep rather than take care of her own child.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

I'm rich? Didn't know that. And why am I a bitch?

jacquilee83 · September 2013

You also made the point of stating several times in this thread that you are lazy. You were inviting negativity. It says exactly what you stated yourself, you're lazy. Whether that is true or not, some people (myself included) are going to consider a noght nurse as lazy, particularly given the manner in which you chose to post! Also, I did not say you were a bad mother, I do not know you. However, I do believe that just because you can reproduce, it doesn't always mean you should.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

ok thanks

jacquilee83 · September 2013

I think she was just describing the types of people that would usually have a night nurse. It conjures up images of pretentious middle class snobs I'm afraid.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

NicoleNielsen59 said:
I'm rich? Didn't know that. And why am I a bitch?

When did I say you were?? You didn't ask me to be your personal nurse, so I was not referencing you.

You are just pissy that hardly anyone agrees with you. Especially because you admitted several times how lazy you are.

NicoleNielsen59 · September 2013

Oh Lord, I was being sarcastic. And yes, I'm very pissy.

Meery82 · September 2013

I think I hear the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance coming...

imakeeff0rts · September 2013

It's times like these that I wish I had awesome popcorn and a less shitty microwave.

notkateanymore · September 2013

We had planned on getting a night nurse, but so far DH's travel schedule is looking clear. But if he starts to have to travel every week after the new year, I'll probably hire one. I have a list of names ready to call if so.

Wood.Aimee@gmail.com · September 2013

It's sad that all this was at the beginning was an innocent question, which then came with a lot of judgment and criticism. Let this be a lesson to not jump to a conclusion before having all of the information. There's no reason anyone should have to lead with the PPD foot (it's personal, scary, and cannot be understood unless you've experienced it yourself). Just like there was no reason to jump on telling someone what they should do or how they should be.

I was hoping and expecting support and encouragement between moms and moms-to-be on this site. Think about it, if we didn't all have computer screens and cute nicknames to hide behind, would we really speak like this to each other in person, face to face? Anonymity and computer screens should not change the game of what's appropriate. None of us can give each other 100% perfect advice on how to parent or how to practice self-care. We are all different, as are our needs. What works for me in my life could very well not work for you. So it's best we share suggestions with care and sensitivity.

I wish you the best of luck in your hiring process, and I hope having the addition support helps you cope better this time around.

Kfran84 · September 2013

Wood.Aimee@gmail.com said:
It's sad that all this was at the beginning was an innocent question, which then came with a lot of judgment and criticism. Let this be a lesson to not jump to a conclusion before having all of the information. There's no reason anyone should have to lead with the PPD foot (it's personal, scary, and cannot be understood unless you've experienced it yourself). Just like there was no reason to jump on telling someone what they should do or how they should be.
I was hoping and expecting support and encouragement between moms and moms-to-be on this site. Think about it, if we didn't all have computer screens and cute nicknames to hide behind, would we really speak like this to each other in person, face to face? Anonymity and computer screens should not change the game of what's appropriate. None of us can give each other 100% perfect advice on how to parent or how to practice self-care. We are all different, as are our needs. What works for me in my life could very well not work for you. So it's best we share suggestions with care and sensitivity.
I wish you the best of luck in your hiring process, and I hope having the addition support helps you cope better this time around.

You might look into changing your screen name, homegirl. Especially when you bust in with lecture material about sensitivity training. You might get signed up for all kinds of weird spam email lists.

Arielle27 · September 2013

I'm not reading any of the previous posts as it looks like things have gotten ugly... But to answer the OPs original question: I didn't have any help with my first two, but this time (as we are expecting 3u3 in the next few weeks and have no helpful family or even friends in the area, and DH is about to open a new business) we've hired someone to help out, mostly driving the older two to/from their two different daycares and to help me out a little in the house. We'll hopefully be able to keep her for 3weeks or so part-time.

msronzio · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

jnsmith85 said:
Seriously?? How lazy are you?
While its not what I would do, it doesn't mean someone who hires help like this is lazy. In the case of multiples or special needs it can help with care giving in the beginning.

If someone has the means to afford the help they need then more power to them. I hired a Mother's Helper to help me with my toddler twice a week. Does that make me lazy?

I think it's douchey to judge how other people choose to make arrangements to look after their children. If they feel they need a night nurse then that is their business.
And it is my business to have my own opinion about it!

If she had specified in her OP that there were special needs, multiples, etc, I would have a had a different opinion. She said none of that.

Looks like in her OP she didnt give any info at all. It asks if we're planning on getting one. So instead of judging a total stranger whose circumstances I don't rightly and can't rightly know, I'll respond to the question.

No we won't be getting one. I have no other children and a low maintenance apartment. We also have the unconditional assistance of mom, SD, MIL, FIL and SIL. MIL owns a salon and plans to adjust her hours to be with her first grandson.

If you have the money go for it, I can't possibly side-eye another mom for making the decision for herself and being honest with herself if she needs help. Or is lazy. Lol. Personally it wouldn't work for me. I'd like to raise my own child with my boyfriend and our families. I also realize not everyone has this option.

Oh and PrimRose nailed it like usual.

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