How Should I Handle This?

Louise06 · September 2013

DD has never had any behavior issues at school. In fact, I have always been told how incredibly well she behaves. Last year, she got an award in her kindergarten class for having perfect behavior the entire year (not a single day).

DD has some characteristics of ASD, but not enough to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. She has a significant speech delay and a diagnosis of significant developmental delay. She also hypotonia and upper extremity weakness. She struggles with inertia and focusing in an loud environment. She has an IEP and is in an inclusion class.

In the past 3 days, she has gotten her first 2 behavior slips for not listening. DD is very upset about this and very discouraged about going to school. She has told me that she wants to go to a different school and that is she is not very good at first grade :-(. She has always loved school, so this is a drastic change.

DD told me that she got confused today and thought they were having a math special, so she remained in her seat instead of getting up for recess (recess is her favorite activity at school). She said she only heard her teacher ask her to stand up once.

DD also told me that she got the slip on Friday for not putting her items in her bookbag fast enough. I figure her muscle weakness came into play here because she came home with a stuffed bookbag that day.

I am not impressed with her teacher at all. I feel she has no clue how to teach special ed kids. I think she expects DD to act exactly like a NT student. The first thing she ever said to DD was "look me in the eye" and she said it very sternly.

In addition, she has not informed any of the parents about the spelling and math tests she has given the students.

I am going to ask to have a conference with her teacher and I am also requesting another IEP meeting. Should I also speak to her principal about this? Her principal know DD very well since she went to the SN preschool there.

Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

funchicken · September 2013

Your poor DD! It breaks your heart to know they're trying so hard and still having a hard time. I don't have a lot of advice, but I can sympathize. My DD has a hard time loading her backpack quickly at the end of the day, too. In our case, DD has ADHD and SPD, but thus far hasn't qualified for an IEP. We've been doing private OT to help with DD's balance, motor planning, and fine motor skills. Even though I emailed DD's teacher about her diagnosis prior to the school year starting, I don't know how much she knows about ADHD, and there's no way for her to know how hard we've been working over the past year to help DD succeed in school. I sent her an email a few days ago to give her a little more information, and so far she's been accommodating.

I think it's a good idea to have a conference with the teacher to feel her out and to express how much your DD wants to do well. I try to take a collaborative approach and let them know that in the past DD has always loved school, and I want her to continue to feel that way. I think revisiting the IEP is a good idea, too. Maybe your DD needs more support in the classroom than the teacher can give. At this point, I'm not sure if I would bring the principal into the conversation. I wouldn't want to make the teacher feel like I was telling on her.

I hope things get better!

finsup · September 2013

What are the accommodations in her IEP? Are they are any accommodations around listening, teacher giving directions etc? For example - in our IEP it is written so that DS is given directions in multiple ways. So once for the group, and then once for him specifically to make sure he understands. He is also to sit close to the teacher and he gets extra time to complete tasks.

funchicken · September 2013

Hi Auntie, Glad you chimed in. The pencil grasp issue was actually my DD. I found out the teacher was having her try something different to help her get better leverage when she's writing (the dynamic tripod is what it's called, I think. Our OT has been using the static tripod.). I was mainly trying to communicate to the teacher that I'd like it if she could let me know when these sorts of things come up so we can all be on the same page. I don't want our OT telling DD one thing and the teacher telling her something else. The teacher does not have regular access to the school OT because she's so busy and DD doesn't receive services. I just didn't want the OP to be confused about that part

funchicken · September 2013

-auntie- said:

Thanks. That makes sense now.

Personally, I don't have an issue with a teacher trying a different strategy in the classroom. A good teacher, who actually sees the kid in the classroom sometimes has a more accurate spin for how a disability impacts a child in that environment. Specific to my own kid, learning different and equally valid approaches helps him be less rigid.

I totally understand your point, but your DS had good fine motor skills, I believe. DD has a very weak grasp, and she just started using a functional tripod consistently without being prompted a month ago. She can now pick up a pencil and write instead of being corrected or having to turn it around and around to figure it out. She has a dominant hand, and she doesn't complain or switch back and forth any more. It took her a year to get to that point. Now that she's gotten there, we can work on finding the best tripod grasp and correcting her posture when writing. I just want to be in the loop, so I can have the OT who I pay $500/month working collaboratively with the teacher

The school doesn't offer OT in isolation, so I'm SOL as far as getting services from them.
ETA: Sorry, didn't mean to sound snarky. I'm still getting used to having much less communication with the teacher now that we're in real school.

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