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February 2014 Moms
arizonatea
member
Possibly moving in with in laws, advice needed!
arizonatea
member
Hey ladies. DH brought up moving in with his parents to save money and at first I was like HELL NO but now I'm considering it. DH was supposed to be getting a $5-$8 dollar raise right now, but its gonna be another two months. I'm currently searching for a job and with just his income money is VERY uncomfortably tight. And he's going to start college again full time next spring (just for 1 semester before he applies to med school) so it might be helpful to have his mom, dad, and sis (she's 18) there with the baby.
I've finally just recovered from a huge fight his mom had about me (she was yelling at him about my family who she doesn't know etc.) and we're solid now. I don't wanna jeopardize that by moving in. And we have 2 kitties and his family doesn't want any cats.
Idk, I guess I'd just like some advice if you've been in this situation or if you can give me another opinion. We'd be saving up to $3000+ moving in soooo...
TIA ladies!
I've finally just recovered from a huge fight his mom had about me (she was yelling at him about my family who she doesn't know etc.) and we're solid now. I don't wanna jeopardize that by moving in. And we have 2 kitties and his family doesn't want any cats.
Idk, I guess I'd just like some advice if you've been in this situation or if you can give me another opinion. We'd be saving up to $3000+ moving in soooo...
TIA ladies!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Possibly moving in with in laws, advice needed!
Three thousand in savings isn't enough to ruin family ties and DEFINITELY isn't enough to dump my cats.
Good luck though! That's a tough decision.
First BFP 5/29/13 : )
We both absolutely do not want to get rid of our cats so that might be an issue. And I feel like I'm not going to get to have cranky days and just feel pregnant because of course I try to be perfect in front of his family. Ugh!
My ILs give us our space and know not to get in between our marriage. It was hard to adjust to living with his parents and the loss of privacy. It also took a while to feel "at home". But, in the long run and grand scheme of things, I think it'll be more of a blessing considering the financial savings they have afforded us.
It does get frustrating at times, don't get me wrong. Also, I'm a little worried about what will happen when we bring baby home. I feel like My DH and I won't get the much needed alone time with LO those first few days. That's something we still have to discuss with his parents.
Anyway, weigh out the pros and cons. Make sure that this is something your marriage can handle, as I've found that DH and I have had to make more of an effort to connect than when we were living on our own. Set the ground rules early on with your ILs, before you've even decided to move in with them. Good luck... It's a tough decision to make, I know!
Where will you live while he's in med school? Med school WILL be hard on him and you and your marriage. So will being a new parent. Are you able to live solely off your salary? He's likely going to be pulling extra loans for books and testing and travel and living expenses, so he can contribute that way. He can't work while in med school.
Edit: I meant to say you should enjoy this time of focusing on each other. Dh is in residency now and he's still sort of the "focus" of our life. His job determines our home and his hours our life. Time as a family is valuable. You don't want to share him always.
I'm also really nervous because the way his family is talking, they seem to think we'll all be "sharing" baby. And that is def not okay with me!
don't like so much.
Really. Don't do it. I don't mean to scare you but med school is hard. You don't want the first time you see him in three days to have his mom there too, joining in and interrupting your reunion time.
I'm an EMT but can't ride on the truck right now so that's why I'm not working. And that's the only college I have so I get stuck with minimum wage jobs (7.25 here). Hopefully I can find something good in the meantime..
As far as moving into a new, smaller place goes PP, moving will cost us money that I don't feel like we'd really be saving in the long run
If you live somewhere cheap and near his med school for medical school, it really will add up. Promise.
I have a similar situation where I am living at my moms. It's great at times and also sucks. We won't be moving out till after the baby comes but it's a great way to save money and have a little extra support.
Ground rules are super important! If you do decide to move in make sure you set the expectations for you and them on what you will be doing and what to expect from them.
You will lose your privacy. You will be bleeding heavily, exhausted, trying to figure out the baby, either BF'ing or formula feeding, & they will ALWAYS BE THERE, &, with them being there, you need to take into account unwelcome & unsought & possibly incorrect advice. Plus, everyone always thinks they know what you should be doing at this point (ie., sleeping less, doing more, giving baby water in the summer, starting cereal early for sleep schedules ...NO, NO, NO, NO...). Everyone has the right to work things out on their own schedule, without being watched & monitored.
You say his raise will come through in a month or two? Then until that, I'd budget like crazy. I would look at other options, like, with only his income, can you apply for WIC right now? What about moving to a smaller place (& yes, involve friends & family to help...they shouldn't even WANT to be paid, otherwise what the heck kind of friends/family do you have???). See if his financial aid will change at all being that you'll now be a family of 3, not 2. What's he claiming on his taxes? Were you able to take temp disability or anything at all, a desk job with paperwork, anything, since you can't ride in the truck? Could you find a kid or two to babysit just until your LO comes, & just sock that money aside to make up some of the difference?
Seriously, I'd be sending DH to sell blood, I'd stick possessions I don't really need or use on Craig's List, I'd see if I could find a temp position somewhere, even at a bookstore or somewhere they'd allow you to sit (just a few hours a day), but moving in with anyone, your fam or his, would be the VERY last thing on my list. Until you do it, you might not understand all the conflicts, everything that you can & will lose just with that proximity...but it DOES carry a cost.
GL with whatever you decide.
That's a great idea about Craigslist, I would like to get rid of some crap before baby girl comes. And actually there is a plasma donation center around the corner lol!
I talked to DH last night and he agreed that we'll try to exhaust every possible scenario before moving in... Because like you said I don't want them seeing me post partum recovering
Mom to Lily and Colin!
We've lived with my parents for the past 7 months. We moved to my home state for work and haven't sold our house yet. It's not easy but they are AWESOME with DS. I'm not looking forward to bringing the new LO home from the hospital to somewhere that's not really our home though. There are good sides and bad sides. We don't have any pets, so that might have been a dealbreaker.
If get a temporary job while looking for something permanent instead.