To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?

Empireceo · September 2013

So, before I had DS, I was committed to breastfeeding for the first 6 months. Then he was born. And breastfeeding was terribly difficult and painful for me, even with multiple lactation consultants and numerous calls to La Leche League. When he was two months old, we found that he had dropped from the 50% weight at his 1 month appointment to the 16%. Obviously, breastfeeding wasn't working for him either. So we threw in the towel, he was happy as a clam after that and started sleeping through the night, I sh*t you not, the next day. So now Baby 2 is on the way and honestly, breastfeeding the the #1 thing I'm dreading. I know every pregnancy is different but I want to give it a shot but I just don't know if I can deal with the physical and emotional distress of it all again. Thoughts? Advice?

laurn321 · September 2013

Not sure if I have any good advice, only to say that I 100% understand where you're coming from and I've been struggling with the same thing. Breastfeeding was a miserable experience for me with numerous lactation consultant who basically told me I'd never be able to do it. My son's demeanor changed dramatically when we went to formula also... he went from a fussy baby who barely slept to a super easy baby that literally either slept all the time or was peacefully awake.

My husband and I talked about it and he's of the opinion that I at least make the same attempt with this baby that I did with my son (which meant hours strapped to the pump to maaaaybe get 1oz of milk a day for three months). I'm of the opinion that my mental health is more important and that I kind of want to try to enjoy the newborn phase somewhat this time around.

Not sure what the right answer is, but I definitely feel you.

runningyogimama · September 2013

I also had a miserable attempt at Breastfeeding, even going in intending to stick with it a year. My milk didn't come in for 8 days, DD lost 15% of her body weight by 3 days so we had to supplement, and by the time my milk did come in, we were both frustrated and I was in so much pain that I quit after 3 weeks (and beat myself up for it for quite some time).

This time, I'm going in with the mindset that BF doesn't have to be all or nothing, there is nothing wrong with supplementing, and I will switch to formula if it's what is best for my family.

Empireceo · September 2013

Maybe if I had supplemented I would lasted longer? But the only information I got was that supplementing was literally the worst thing I could do. Worse, apparently, than starving my child. 8-|

peachysweet4 · September 2013

I had a terrible time trying to get DS to breastfeed and ended up exclusively pumping for him. I went back to work and lost my supply after a couple months because I wasn't able to pump as frequently as I needed to. I'm honestly tempted to just pump again this time. Everyone makes it out to be so much harder but I felt it was easier for us. I didn't have to get up with him at every feeding and he was still getting the benefits of breastmilk. I won't be working this time so I hopefully won't lose my supply again. Dealing with oversupply before that was hard though and it is harder to keep your supply balanced when pumping but I didn't mind it.

rainydayluck · September 2013

I didn't want to breast feed, so DD wasn't and this one wont be breastfed either.

peachysweet4 · September 2013

I should add he still got only breastmilk for a month after I lost my supply because I had an awesome freezer stash.

BeenieBaby0406 · September 2013

Sorry to hear that you had such a challenging BFing journey. But who knows, you might have a different experience this time around. While I ended up BFing DS for a year, it never came easy and was really, really hard for a loooong time, so I understand how it can be nervewracking to think about going through it again. Like you said, there was a lot of physical and emotional pain at times. It ended up being totally worth it for us, but I am hoping for a better experience this time around.

I've found a lot of great resources along the way - the BFing board is great, and my hospital has a BFing support ground and listserv that is pretty active. So no matter how BFing goes the 2nd time around, I know I have resources and I'm going to be more willing to use them. I've also learned to just trust my gut - I felt very strongly that DS had a lip-tie but the pediatricians and LCs said it was fine. Well, it's a lot more obvious now, and I definitely think it contributed to our BFing struggles. So next time I will definitely be more vocal.

kalette · September 2013

Ugh.. I know what you mean. We had trouble too and I ended up EPing (for 16 months!). I plan to try again this time and feel much more prepared, plus I'm bringing my f-ing nipple shield to the hospital and not relying on the nurses to help me figure it out. They gave me terrible advice last time and I really think that's where we went wrong.

buggywhips · September 2013

I would at least give it a shot! BF'ing was extremely hard for me for the first 3 months. After you get past the miserable "my nipples are bleeding and I'm pretty sure LO just swallowed a scab", it truly is rewarding. I cannot WAIT to breastfeed again, it's probably the #1 thing I'm looking forward to...even with misery of early nursing.

runningyogimama · September 2013

Empireceo said:
Maybe if I had supplemented I would lasted longer? But the only information I got was that supplementing was literally the worst thing I could do. Worse, apparently, than starving my child. 8-|

That makes me sad for you! Our pedi said over and over that there was nothing wrong with supplementing!

And while BF has its benefits, at the end of the day, if you are feeding your kid, you are doing just fine.

klitkie · September 2013

I'm still nursing my 14 month old and am SO over it. Going to EBF this LO bc it's the right decision for us but I could use a break!! I'm turning into a wet nurse.

I hope for all those that want to, the second time around is an easier, and more enjoyable experience!

buggywhips · September 2013

klitkie said:

I'm still nursing my 14 month old and am SO over it. Going to EBF this LO bc it's the right decision for us but I could use a break!! I'm turning into a wet nurse.

I hope for all those that want to, the second time around is an easier, and more enjoyable experience!

I weaned at 12 months for this reason! I knew I wanted to be pg by the end of Summer, so I gave myself a good 8 months to have my body back and abuse it as I so desired before doing it all again!

Empireceo · September 2013

I think what I'm feeling is I don't effing want to breast feed again but I can't stand how everyone judges the shit out of you if you don't try. It's so annoying. Like, obviously formula is made of vodka and arsenic, how could you possibly even think about giving it to your child?! I just need to get comfortable with the fact that no matter what I do, someone will have something to say about it.

FWIW, I received not one drop of breast milk. My mother got a shot in the hospital that dried up her milk. I got sick way less than other kids (or adults to this day), never had issues with allergies, and graduated at the top of my high school and college classes. I'm not super convinced that it's oh so much more beneficial...maybe I should have saved this for the UO thread.

SMM1986 · September 2013

Empireceo said:

I think what I'm feeling is I don't effing want to breast feed again but I can't stand how everyone judges the shit out of you if you don't try. It's so annoying.

Um...I totally agree with you. I did not breastfeed either of my kids. I feel like I got so much shit for it that was just not called for (basically unsolicited opinions).

I am going to give it a shot this time, but I am NOT going to beat myself up if it doesn't work out. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't.

And FWIW---I wasn't BF'ed either, and I turned out just fine. And so have my kids.

SMM1986 · September 2013

And I realize I went on a mini-rant and didn't answer your question, sorry!

I say, give it a try. If it doesn't work, then that's that.

leslie924 · September 2013

I only breastfed my son for 5 weeks. We had a miserable time and once I switched to formula he seemed to thrive and was able to get on a feeding schedule. I personally felt that formula feeding was way easier and more convenient. That was just my experience with it. With this one I plan on trying to breastfeed but switching but switching if I have to.

MMason12 · September 2013

I would say give it a try if you feel up to it, but also don't feel bad if you can't.

I am hoping to breastfeed our LO but I will not have any hesitation in switching to formula if I need to for a multiple of reasons.

I also agree with you that it's horrible some of things people say to Mom's who do not breastfeed their babies. First off, you have no clue whether they cannot physically breastfeed due to medical or other physical issues or the baby may not want to breastfeed or they just may not want to. At the end of the day each Mom gets to make their own choice on breastfeeding and my choice does not affect your ability to make your own choice. Unsolicited advice to new Mom's is the worst!!!

sisterjanet · September 2013

Empireceo said:

I think what I'm feeling is I don't effing want to breast feed again but I can't stand how everyone judges the shit out of you if you don't try. It's so annoying. Like, obviously formula is made of vodka and arsenic, how could you possibly even think about giving it to your child?!

It bugs me a lot too that some women say things like "formula is poison." Do they ever stop and think about what they're saying? I wasn't murdering my kid; I was feeding him. It's as thoroughly annoying as the people who try to convince you to be a Christian and say things like "but if you don't believe you'll go to hell!" Poisoned babies and hell, both terrible pitches to get someone to agree with you. (...and I am a Christian, and I did manage to EBF for a couple months, and even still, those things bug me like whoa.)

By the way, you women who exclusively pump, that impresses me to no end. I hated pumping so much, and feel like you all must be rockstar moms to deal with that for your kids.

runningyogimama · September 2013

Empireceo said:
I think what I'm feeling is I don't effing want to breast feed again but I can't stand how everyone judges the shit out of you if you don't try. It's so annoying. Like, obviously formula is made of vodka and arsenic, how could you possibly even think about giving it to your child?! I just need to get comfortable with the fact that no matter what I do, someone will have something to say about it.

FWIW, I received not one drop of breast milk. My mother got a shot in the hospital that dried up her milk. I got sick way less
than other kids (or adults to this day), never had issues with allergies, and
graduated at the top of my high school and college classes. I'm not super convinced that it's oh so much more beneficial...maybe I should have saved this for the UO thread.

This is a GREAT article along those lines that made me feel SO much better when I switched to formula and felt like the world was judging me!

https://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

jaclynnn · September 2013

I'm going through kind of the same thing. With my first, I wasn't able to cause I didn't produce breast milk, so I couldn't. But I'm debating either just going with formula from the get go or trying to breast feed. I'm just worried about the struggle upsetting me like it did last time.

Hdizzle05 · September 2013

I encourage everyone to give it a try! It doesn't always work out for everyone and that's okay. There are definitely benefits to breastfeeding for baby and mom. I'm a big breastfeeding supporter and love to see mommas breastfeeding their baby. But there is no shame in switching to formula or supplementing. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or think any less of yourself. You will still be a wonderful mom. I struggled for the first 1 to 2 months with breastfeeding DS. I was so ready to give up. Thankfully, I had wonderful support and my H encouraged me to keep trying. We finally got the hang of it and I am so grateful I had support to push me through it. Try not to stress over it already, it's enough stress once baby comes! But give it some thought and look for a lactation consultant, they are so helpful. Good luck, if you have any questions I'd be more than happy to try and help.

christieep · September 2013

Do what works for you and your baby. I BFed for 13 months, but *gasp* had to use a nipple shield the whole time. If I didn't know those existed (the LC at the hospital gave me one) BFing would have been DONE in about 2 weeks because it was excruciatingly painful.

No matter what you choose you will read something or have someone say something to you that will make you feel bad about your choice.

IBackBevo · September 2013

Yup. I had major supply issues. LO never could latch so I had to pump. I never got very much. I had clogged ducts. Then we found out LO had a milk protein intolerance and had to go on special formula. Our life got so much easier. My motto for this new baby will be 'if it don't come easy, let it go.' Fyi, alot of the research on breastfeeding is really shoddy...they don't have higher IQs...and formula fed babies grow up to be happy and healthy. REally, the only real benefit that has been shown in sound research is that breastfed babies have about 1 less cold on average in the first year. Whoopty doo.

gurleymomma · September 2013

After i had dd i tried breastfeeding for 3 days and she wouldnt latch and screamed bloody murder,the nurses told me to keep at it,but finally i told them to get me a pump.then i exclusively pumped for two weeks and i just dried up.i had to switch to formula.i felt like a complete failure,likei couldnt feed my own kid.im gonna give it a try again this time,but if i have to formula feed so what.honestly its so much easier.

Kris2011RN · September 2013

I am sorry you had a hard time. With DS I had mastitis and a cracked nipple, he went on a nursing strike and my supply dropped big tine after I went to work. Unfortunately formula cost way to much he would go through a sams pack of enfamil a week. I am going to try breastfeeding again this time so we can save money.

ABColeslaw · September 2013

I thought I would LOVE breastfeeding, I'm crunchy like that. But I didn't. My son couldn't latch right, he was having swallowing issues, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and bruised. I would cry for hours trying to feed him, I could hear his belly gurgling, but he just couldn't do it. I was so depressed I thought I might have PPD. I ended up pumping exclusively and that didn't give me enough of a supply. I was actually relieved when they told me his allergies were too severe and that I couldn't nurse, he needed to be on medical food. That makes me an asshole and I still feel guilty. But here is the thing, I'm hard pressed to even try again. The thought makes me terribly depressed.

I'm not even thinking about it because my son has an immuno condition that causes severe allergies and it is genetic, so my next child will go right on medical food to preempt it. BUT there is a chance I can go on a complete elimination diet and get my milk tested for proteins. If my milk is safe, I will continue with medical food and add in some pumped breast milk. I can confidently say I have ZERO desire to nurse again.

ABColeslaw · September 2013

I'm also going to add that I have no problem with people who never tried and just don't want to. It is their body and as long as they are feeding their baby and loving it I'm not going to judge at all.

rMe6411 · September 2013

I breastfed for the first 11 months (before I suddenly dried up). The first couple months were SO HARD. Between trying to feed DD enough to gain weight, mastitis, pumping in the bathroom at work 3 times a day.... the list goes on. BUT, once I got through the first few months it was the most amazing experience. I had a really difficult time ending it. I still miss it so I am really looking forward to BF with this LO. If you don't have your heart 100% in to it, it won't be a good experience for you or LO. Even though I chose to nurse, it is not for everyone. Your child, your choice. And unfortunately sometimes you don't have a choice. So I say try and if it is too much for you or not working out, there is nothing wrong with not EFF.

ho11yday · September 2013

We had a similar experience with DS. We are currently of the mind to give it a shot but if it starts off as difficult as it did with DS, we will be using formula and expressed breast milk. DH feels more strongly about going to formula than I do, but he said he'd support whatever decision I want as long as our baby gets nutrition.

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