What Do You Tell People?

orangemell2012 · September 2013

Since I am sure we have all had difficult journeys in this TTC process, what do you tell people? Immediate family and friends know some details but for the most part it's just DH and I that are dealing with this. What do you tell people when they ask, both people who know and strangers who think it's their business to ask when/why you will be having kids.

I have to bite my tongue to not say something snarky and would love to see other's responses. It's really none of their business what/when we do things but when I don't answer or try to brush if off the questions get more invasive/frequent.

liz4paws · September 2013

It depends on who asks, and what exactly they ask, I guess.

If it's a stranger and I don't have the time or opportunity to go into details and they ask when we are having kids, I usually keep it short and sweet and say "Someday." But sometimes if I feel I will have enough time to do our story justice, I'll tell them that we are infertile and have adopted embryos. Usually they are curious and I use it as an opportunity to bring awareness to IF and EA. But if for some reason I feel like someone is asking me in a flippant way, or just got done complaining about their kids, I'll say something shocking like "My ovaries are broken and my husband doesn't make much sperm. It's too bad you don't like your kids very much because I'd give my right arm for one. How's YOUR sex life? Let's talk about that." Might make them think twice, which isn't always a bad thing. And yes, I've said this to people more than once. It's happened a few times at the nail salon and it's been awesome.

Overall, most of my close family and friends know our situation. I usually direct people to my blog so they can really uncover the struggle instead of trying to explain it in just a few sentences. But whenever I have the opportunity to be an advocate for infertility awareness, embryo adoption, etc, I talk about it.

Long story short, I'm not secretive about it and always paint it in a positive light if I feel like it's appropriate. I guess it just depends on if I feel they ask me inappropriately or not.

Km672 · September 2013

Ug... People are so annoying.

People at work have asked 'when are you going to start popping out kids?'
I've said 'it's not always that easy'

sometimes they will ask more and ill just say 'it's personal', that usually embarrasses them enough to lay off. Because it IS personal and you've just told them they have crossed the line without having to say that.

It's tough. I know you don't want to seem bitchy, but people are really inappropriate and nosey.

stinkerbell6879 · September 2013

Close family and friends know and thank goodness don't push this question on us. With others that I am not close to or don't feel need to explain I use the "Someday" response.

I have opened up at work more since it helps to not have the questions asked, it was happening more and more now that we have been married over 3yrs.... I still have not given details but enough to stop the questions.

2MamazInSeattle · September 2013

We are a same sex couple, so our infertility is obvious, but using an egg donor was a surprise for us (donor sperm was a given). I just say " we're working on it! We've had to jump through some hoops we didn't expect but we're hoping!" and then depending on who, I say we'll look at adopting if we aren't able to put one out, or I say we'll go on lavish vacations if it doesn't work and we end up cfnbc (kidding, but keeps it light esp. if I don't want to embarrass the person because I know they are well-meaning).

singingirl96 · September 2013

DH was more open than I was. He told everyone. I would think he'd want to keep it a secret, but no. I just wanted immediate family to know, but no, he's a big mouth.

LittleLady77 · September 2013

"it's not always that easy" is my go to response.

With people we actually care about we have made the decision to be pretty open with our story. We will and do talk about it in the correct context.

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