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TTC in less than a month and the nerves are kicking in...

cojo1cojo1 member
in Babies on the Brain
After years of planning and long discussions, H and I have decided that we are ready to start trying to get pregnant. Like so many couples before us, however, there are a lot of "what if's" and previously unforeseen hurdles. We learned that we will be moving to a currently unknown location in less than a year and I am so stressed about that. Starting a family in a place where we don't know anyone, especially since we will be leaving a hometown full of family and good friends, worries me. I liked the idea of having my mom and sister so close when I have my first baby to help out while I figure out my new life as a mother. What if we move across the country when I'm about to pop? Is it better to move with a newborn or get as settled as possible before the baby comes? How do you find a good OB in a totally unfamiliar area when you don't have the time to look around first? What if there are complications and I can't work? Who will hire a very pregnant woman who will soon be going on maternity leave? What if I need to start working after maternity leave and I don't have a job to go to because I left mine when we moved? WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF??

Here's the thing biggest factor that makes me second-guess our baby plans- there's a pretty good chance that we will only be in this new city for a year and can go home after that. So what's another year of waiting, right? Well, I'm getting close to 30 and my mother miscarried for two straight years when she was younger than I am now. She also hit menopause by 40. Which takes us to the the biggest "what if": What if we wait too long and then it's too late?

I am a big planner by nature and a total control freak. I cannot STAND the idea of all these unknowns.

Long story short, after torturing myself and talking to lots of family and friends, we have decided to go for it. People have babies in unfamiliar places all the time, right? And we are definitely not going to be the first couple with a newborn and no family or friends nearby. Life happens and we just have to let it do its thing. I have to put my faith in that because that is what i keeping me sane. As everyone and their mother says, it's never going to be the "right" time to have a baby because there is no such thing. Circumstances will never be perfect because life is not always perfect.

My decision is not changing. My IUD comes out in 8 days and we are going to TTC starting Oct 1. Life will do what it's meant to do...just breathe...
everything will be okay...

I just wish that I had someone who understood. The people I've talked to just tell me to go for it but don't really seem to sympathize the situation we are in. H is a wonderful person but not the best listener.

It definitely does NOT help that I have a history of depression and anxiety. I already have a high-stress job. I need to relax. This is a happy time! There is no need to get as worked up as I am, but I can't stop my head from swimming in worries...

Perhaps I am writing to no one. The idea of engaging in an online community is foreign to me. I just need someone to understand where I'm coming from and have insight that's maybe a bit deeper than "it's never going to be the right time". Does that make sense??

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Re: TTC in less than a month and the nerves are kicking in...

  • DucktaleDucktale member
    I am in almost the same situation but a little different, we were moved by DH's job away from all our family and established friends to a new city about 6 months from TTC. The differences are That it's for 2 years, we're almost certain we'll move back, and I'll only be 28/29 when we move home. We decided to wait. But, if it were me in your situation, I'd go for it. There's so many unknowns, if it were me, I would not gamble on "a chance" of moving home. If it were not certain we could move back home in 2 years, we would have TTC while moved away because in that situation, there may not be a better time. Now that's just IMO, certainly waiting a year could not hurt, 30 is not old for having your first. If you do move while pg, you would just need to make a plan to meet people. We got involved in a church right away and made some very good friends. Either way you can make it worth--all those things you listed as situations you worry about, you are right in that ppl make it work all the time and you would too. If you are ready in every other way, I say go for it.
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  • msronziomsronzio member
    I don't have very good advice, but I'll share one of the biggest realizations that came to me after I found out I was pregnant at 23 -- I realized, "this was never going to happen at the right time, was it?" Everyone around me has agreed.
    We would have just kept pushing it back and putting it off.

    I think it will work itself out. My BFF is also a huuugee planner/control freak and she hates all of the unknowns and what ifs! I'm also with the PP that 30 is not too old, even if you did decide to wait. Which, I personally hope that you don't, because I believe in everything happens for a reason... even if it's not the right time. 

    Best wishes!
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  • KIR2DS4KIR2DS4 member
    We're talking TTC early next year (DH is gone a lot for work so it's not actually "that" far away for us) and I'm already freaking out!! Haha coming off BC in December and it's scary!! I do agree there is no perfect time, and there IS such a thing as over-prepared. One of my BFF's scared the shiiit out of herself and had horrible anxiety/PPD because she worried about every single thing she had read would happen. Just be prepared, and trust yourself and your DH! GL!
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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    Wow I was just lurking over here thinking, "we're talking TTC in 4-6 months and that scares the crap out of me." Glad to know I'm not alone! We move frequently for my husband's job and the obsession with "timing" it perfectly has really freaked me out. Basically, there is no perfect time and we would find a way to cope with being in a new place, with no friends, possibly no job options for me if/when it comes up. But your concerns make total sense! 
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  • Kflanders24Kflanders24 member
    we talked and talked and talked and waited and waited and now that we are TTC I wish we had started WAY sooner. Blah, good luck!
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    Kflanders24 said:
    we talked and talked and talked and waited and waited and now that we are TTC I wish we had started WAY sooner. Blah, good luck!

    Just curious, why did you wish you had started sooner?
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  • jasrun80jasrun80 member
    I didn't read it ALL, but I think you are being smart to just go ahead & try! :)) if you are so lucky to get pregnant quickly, then you'll have your baby almost exactly the same as my first & it was a fun time to be pregnant & have the baby, especially the first fall season. Lots of walks etc... I would absolutely look into parenting groups in your new area. I met a bunch of moms through my hospital who set us up in a centralized area & we still get together 3 years later. No best friend a for me in this group, but really great moms & people who I love in a way I needed when I had my first. Definitely people I could lean on anytime. Also, I think I had post pardom with my first but never addressed it. I was SO anxious just getting out the door it was crazy, so be honest with yourself & don't set your expectations too high. I hope it works out! Good luck!
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  • brownmousebrownmouse member
    Kflanders24 said:

    we talked and talked and talked and waited and waited and now that we are TTC I wish we had started WAY sooner. Blah, good luck!

    This is is too. We talked and talked about having our second, and went back and forth about being one and done and just recently decided we did in fact want to try for another ad I really wish we had started sooner. Mostly for the fact that the kids will be five years or more apart and would have liked them closer. Like pp said there is never going to be perfectly ideal time to have a baby.if we had realized this sooner we wouldn't be so late to the party like we are now. Haha!
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  • Golden42Golden42 member
    Delurking to say you aren't alone at all. DH and I had originally set a number of years after we got married to start trying, but recently we both have felt like it is time. We agreed to start trying at the end of November, and there are definitely days where thinking about that scares me and I think maybe we should wait the extra year that we originally planned. But really, it's not like having a kid is ever NOT going to be a huge life change.
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  • Kflanders24Kflanders24 member
    Ducktale said:
    Kflanders24 said:
    we talked and talked and talked and waited and waited and now that we are TTC I wish we had started WAY sooner. Blah, good luck!

    Just curious, why did you wish you had started sooner?
    Because once you finally TTC you kinda want a baby in your arms.. but you are still 9 months away... and the possibility of it taking longer then you think.
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  • auntjessyauntjessy member
    My grandma, who passed away in 2000, was a wise and sweet lady, and here's what she said:  If you wait until the perfect time to have a baby, it'll never happen.  There's no such thing.  GL and FX for you and your hubby!  
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    "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of salvation unto all who believe"  Rom 1:16
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    auntjessy said:
    My grandma, who passed away in 2000, was a wise and sweet lady, and here's what she said:  If you wait until the perfect time to have a baby, it'll never happen.  There's no such thing.  GL and FX for you and your hubby!  


    I agree with this for some, but I am always cautious about this phrase ever since a friend of mine TTC and had a baby while in school with no jobs and no income and no health insurance and no savings and lots and lots of debt. She used this phrase as the reason/excuse why they decided to have a baby at that time. So while there probably is no perfect time, there are definitely better times than others.

    Not saying that is anyone here, seems like most of us around here are the overplanners and in those cases this may be good advice.

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  • Kflanders24Kflanders24 member

    Ducktale said:
    auntjessy said:
    My grandma, who passed away in 2000, was a wise and sweet lady, and here's what she said:  If you wait until the perfect time to have a baby, it'll never happen.  There's no such thing.  GL and FX for you and your hubby!  


    I agree with this for some, but I am always cautious about this phrase ever since a friend of mine TTC and had a baby while in school with no jobs and no income and no health insurance and no savings and lots and lots of debt. She used this phrase as the reason/excuse why they decided to have a baby at that time. So while there probably is no perfect time, there are definitely better times than others.

    Not saying that is anyone here, seems like most of us around here are the overplanners and in those cases this may be good advice.

    Oh yes, there needs to be SOME planning in the very first place. I think we are saying if you are inbetween a "good" time and "perfect time" thats the window you might as well go for it..
    If you are in a "very bad" time though THEN you may wanna hold off....
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